He shared private pictures online

[feelingexposed]

Hello, I am actually very embarrassed to post this but needed to know if its happened to others and get some advice.

My husband has been taking pictures of me in private for years, sometimes sneaky ones other times he asks me to let him. As you can imagine i am in various stages of dressed in them, usually not at all. I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing.

This was okay until last week, some stranger messaged me on FB and was saying pervy comments and then sent me a picture of myself, fully nude asleep. I flipped out big time and asked him where he got it. Apparently he got it on an image sharing site when men share pics of their wives. I blocked the person and rang my husband immediately. He was really panicked and told me the whole story.

For the past 2 years he has been sharing my pictures on forums and websites specifically for unaware wives, he says he really enjoys it and it helps him de-stress and get off. He then said he has never shared my details and gave me a fake name (as if that made it okay). We have been trying to have a child for a number of years now and he claims it helps him manage his EJs. He said he never meant to hurt me and he is really sorry i found out.

What on earth do I do now? hundreds of men have seen these pictures and I love my husband so its really hard to make any decisions or talk to him right now. AIBU or is this justified? he has never cheated or anything like that.

Help

I am so sorry this has happened to you.

Firstly, you are in no way to blame for this. What he is done is horrific and criminal and he is only sorry that you found out - not that he did it in the first place.

Secondly, although you love him, you cant stay with him. He has violated you in the most awful way and if he truly loved you he would never have treated you so badly in the first place.

The trust you had in him is no longer there and you cant spend the rest of your life with someone that you cant trust, especially when you are asleep. You will spend the rest of your time with him panicking if he has taken photos of you every single night as although he will say he wont, you wont believe him and he wont be telling the truth either.

This is no way to live.

Honestly, I would find an affair easier to cope with that what he has done. For your own mental health, you must divorce him as you will never get over what he has done and will continue to do. His behaviour is not 'normal' and will never be justified.

Who voted YABU? I'd be down to the cop shop. LTB.

This is a crime and he has shown he has 0 respect for you! A loving partner would never even consider this.

He put his kink before you. Please please get away from him.

He said all of the sites he used use temporary pictures so there is nothing permanent online, just the ones people have saved.

Which you now know to be total bullshit. They are now out there forever, no matter what excuses he gives you. He coerced you and also sexually abused you by taking photos without your consent and putting them all online without your consent. These are crimes.

Call the police now. This is evil. I really am shocked to the core. He is an abusive bastard.

I am not sure who can help you but you need to leave and report him to the police. Maybe they will be able to help you access councilling.

LTB.

This would be unforgivable in my mind, I would want him out, and I would not be having children with this man.

Also OP - just so sorry you're dealing with this. Do you have a friend or family member who can support you?

What. The. Fuck.

I’m so sorry. Even if he uploaded them on websites where they would be temporary other users could have downloaded them and uploaded them onto permanent webpages. This could be so damaging to you and your reputation if these were seen by an employer, colleagues, acquaintances etc.

Aside from the fact that this is a crime it is a huge breezy of trust, he clearly has no respect for you and I would say this is a form of sexual assault. There is no way I could stay with somebody who did this to me, he has used you for his own sexual gratification with no thought for your thoughts and feelings. That is no way to treat a fellow human never mind somebody you supposedly love.

If it were me I would be leaving him and reporting to the police. I would also make sure everybody knew exactly what he has done and why you’re leaving him to protect other women; if found guilty he should be registered as a sex offender.

Hi OP,

I'm sorry I'm going to disagree with a number of other posters on here who are telling you to leave him. You don't go anywhere, he goes. And he goes today. If you wanted to be very generous you could give him 15 minutes to pack a bag.
You save copies of any conversations etc online and you make sure that any jointly owned devices stay. Don't mention police to him. It gives him chance to try and hide evidence. Lie through your teeth. The same way he has. Tell him how upset you are but you need time to think. As soon as he's out the door you call police to report him.
Any joint assets get your portion in a place he can't access. Once he knows it's over, he will likely go on the offensive.
Solicitor is your next step. Any documents you have take a photocopy and ask a very good friend or family member to keep them for you. A good solicitor can help with the criminal and divorce navigation, or at least joint work with a trusted colleague.
I notice you say TTC, I assume you don't already have DC? That may make things a little easier. When family ask, be honest. You've done nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of. Good luck 🤗

You leave the fucking sexist pig and contact the police.

He has completely abused your trust, disrespected your marriage and removed any trust between you. Why do you want to stay?

That's disgusting. I would leave him. He is a nasty pig.

This is criminal behaviour and far far worse than cheating.

I’d leave without a second glance. He’s despicable.

Oh yes sorry, you don't leave, he leaves and you consider reporting this to the police!

JFC. There's no going back from this surely. Any trust is gone. What a pathetic excuse for a man.

This is horrific.

What's EJs?

Anyway, I'd be getting a divorce. This is completely unforgivable.

It’s very concerning you were under the impression, ‘all hubbies do that.’ It sounds like he has really fucked with your mind.

I beg you, do not bring a child into this. Here is a man that views women as objects. Things to share for other men’s pleasure. Your consent and autonomy are of no importance to him. The dangers to a potential daughter do not bear thinking about.

He has committed a serious crime against you. That isn’t a healthy love. Leave him and call the police. Run. Run as fast as you can from this man and never look back.

Bloody hell OP, what an absolute bastard. There's no coming back from this. These invasive pictures of you are out there on the internet for others to perv over forever and your husband is only sorry you found out. I'm sorry but I agree with the others, you need to ring the police and report this and tell him to pack his bags and fuck off.

He said he never meant to hurt me and he is really sorry i found out.

Read that back to yourself OP.

He's sorry you found out.

Not sorry that he did it.

How did he think this wouldn't hurt you? He KNEW it would hurt you and he STILL did it.

That's not love.

So however you feel about he demonstrated how he feels about you.

Do you want live with someone who neither loves you or cares if he hurts you and puts you in danger?

I am sorry but he is not the person you have fallen in love with - do not have children with this man. You need to ask yourself how a total stranger found you.
By the way - it is not normal for a husband to take nude snaps of their wife without permission. He is not sorry he did this - he is sorry he found out. He doesn't respect you - things will get worse with the stress and pressure of children.

Another one saying phone the police. What he's done is illegal. You certainly can't trust him not to do it again.

That's like prostituting you out and violating you at the same time. I'm absolutely appalled. I can understand you are devestated and confused but it's unforgivable. He's treated you like a piece of meat.

You do understand that the people who save these images are the ones who enjoy violating women without their consent, so the rapists, sex offenders, men who date rape their victims.