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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He shared private pictures online

607 replies

feelingexposed · 08/04/2021 15:32

Hello, I am actually very embarrassed to post this but needed to know if its happened to others and get some advice.

My husband has been taking pictures of me in private for years, sometimes sneaky ones other times he asks me to let him. As you can imagine i am in various stages of dressed in them, usually not at all. I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing.

This was okay until last week, some stranger messaged me on FB and was saying pervy comments and then sent me a picture of myself, fully nude asleep. I flipped out big time and asked him where he got it. Apparently he got it on an image sharing site when men share pics of their wives. I blocked the person and rang my husband immediately. He was really panicked and told me the whole story.

For the past 2 years he has been sharing my pictures on forums and websites specifically for unaware wives, he says he really enjoys it and it helps him de-stress and get off. He then said he has never shared my details and gave me a fake name (as if that made it okay). We have been trying to have a child for a number of years now and he claims it helps him manage his EJs. He said he never meant to hurt me and he is really sorry i found out.

What on earth do I do now? hundreds of men have seen these pictures and I love my husband so its really hard to make any decisions or talk to him right now. AIBU or is this justified? he has never cheated or anything like that.

Help

OP posts:
CloudFormations · 08/04/2021 15:47

This is illegal. I would leave, and report him to the police.

I am so, so sorry.

BilboBercow · 08/04/2021 15:47

This is extremely illegal. It's also sexual abuse op. Please contact your local woman's aid. I'm betting there are other abusive things he's done to you over the years

QuestionableDanceMoves · 08/04/2021 15:47

Wow what a complete and utter betrayal and I agree with pps, it’s worse than cheating.

Of course he’s sorry you found out, he’s not sorry for violating you in the first place though.

What an absolutely despicable thing to do to someone you supposedly love.

Ring the police and leave him. There’s no respect here and can be no trust anymore

InkieNecro · 08/04/2021 15:47

Of course they aren't temporary. Have you never heard of the print screen button, or even taking a photo on your phone?

You get to choose who sees you naked and nobody else. He has taken this away from you because he didn't think it was important. He's given strangers access to your body who are clearly unstable based on those messages.

He deserves to be arrested, charged and divorced. How fucking dare he! I don't think I've been so angry about a post for years!

And BTW, not all partners take sneaky pictures of their partners. Only weirdos do that.

NRCS · 08/04/2021 15:48

This is a police matter, surely?

peanutbutterjimjams · 08/04/2021 15:48

De-stress? DE-STRESS??

He turns his wife into an unwitting porn star to de-fecking-stress??

Save everything you can. Check his hard drive/phone. Seek legal advice. Kick him out so you can think.

This is a crime.

somuchlaundrytowash · 08/04/2021 15:48

That's awful op. You should report him( I know he's your hubby and you love him but this is completely unacceptable and illegal)

Dressinggownchic · 08/04/2021 15:48

Your husband has sexually violated you. This is abuse. Genuinely, and I say this in all honesty, call the police, register this abuse and file for divorce. You do not want to lumber your future children with this vile excuse for a man as a father.

My heart goes out to you, but save yourself now.

NoGoodPunsLeft · 08/04/2021 15:49

You have to leave him, he is disgusting.

I.want to know why 3% of the voters think you are unreasonable...

Fatladyslim · 08/04/2021 15:49

I would be calling the police.
I am shocked you thought it was normal for men to take unaware pictures of their wives in the first place. I agree with others, this is the worst thing I have read on here, you need to leave.

Happylittlethoughts · 08/04/2021 15:50

I think you might need some time to realise what an enormous out of line thing this is. You sound as though it's still on the "annoying spouse behaviour level ". It may not be what you want to hear but it's way beyond this!
This is a very serious personal violation . I'm not sure if it's a crime but it should be if it isn't. Its up there in the violation of your body, your privacy and your sexual autonomy. Serious stuff.
Please think about this and dont gloss over it do you dont have to deal with it. It doesn't matter if he is lovely 99% of the time- this 1% is fucking god awful.
You poor thing. I am so sorry to hear this happened. Those pictures are out there with literal wankers and he has done this. Arsehole
.

Ilovemycat13 · 08/04/2021 15:50

I think you know OP that even if the pics are on the site temporarily, once online there’s no getting away from that. Please, please go to the police. This is now a crime and husband or not, he needs to face punishment. If it was me it would be a 100% off you go but I appreciate that you feel it isnt as easy as that, but believe me, you are better off without him.

Wellpark · 08/04/2021 15:50

WHAT????!!!!! This is awful. I'm so sorry for you to have to go through this. All I can say is that would be a deal breaker for me and I would not be able to live with him any more. You love him but is it that you love a version of him as he's been concealing his true nature. Please put yourself first and get rid of him. He's no good. Take care of yourself 💚

Fatladyslim · 08/04/2021 15:50

@NoGoodPunsLeft

You have to leave him, he is disgusting.

I.want to know why 3% of the voters think you are unreasonable...

Oh I selected yabu becuase the options aren't clear sibu to stay and forgive this guy which is kind of what the op suggests.
MargotsBumpyNight · 08/04/2021 15:51

This is creepy and rapey as fuck and God knows where it would escalate to.. My first ever LTB.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 08/04/2021 15:51

Hes feeding you a load of rubbish.

The second those photos are online anyone can screenshot them and upload them anywhere. Even if he is telling you the truth that they are only temporary on that website (doubtful), by the time they are up on one they will be screenshot or shared onto others.

This is not a nice man

ForTheLoveOfWine · 08/04/2021 15:51

Gross... leave there is no relationship worth saving here what a creep

sticktomygun · 08/04/2021 15:51

@FireflyRainbow

Ow my god..... think this is the worst thing I've read on here. Surely this is a crime.
The worst part is that you're questioning staying with him?!?

He needs to post explicit pictures of you online to the entire world to allow him to de-stress? You're taking that excuse really?

Who knows who's actually seen those pictures?

The way the guy probably found you was by doing a reverse image search which looks for similar pictures and links the site.

I hope you realise that means anyone can do the same and find out who you are.

You should report him because he's put you in danger.

Crispyturtle · 08/04/2021 15:51

Absolutely not intended to be a criticism of you Op, but posts like this make me wonder how TF our society has fucked women up so much that they question whether this kind of shit is ok Confused

OP honestly this is one of the worst things I’ve ever read on here, I would never be able to trust my partner again and it would be the end of our relationship. I’m not 100% sure but isn’t this illegal? How on earth your DH has even tried to justify this behaviour boggles my mind. Your family could have seen these photos, your friends, people you work with. And it’s not just on this website, once it’s on the internet there’s no end of places this could be shared. Leave him & find someone you could actually sleep easily with.

justthecat · 08/04/2021 15:52

100 % report to police

GCAcademic · 08/04/2021 15:52

@NoGoodPunsLeft

You have to leave him, he is disgusting.

I.want to know why 3% of the voters think you are unreasonable...

Probably because the OP seems unsure if this is really bad and says that he hasn’t cheated.
AintPageantMaterial · 08/04/2021 15:52

You’re understandably in complete shock right now but, when it sinks in, I don’t see how you can ever really relax with him again. How can you go to sleep when photos could be taken and posted on the internet? It’s not possible to feel safe are someone who violate your trust to this extent.

Fatarseflanagan09 · 08/04/2021 15:52

He's a pervert, this is abuse and he's sharing pictures of you to get sexual pleasure, I could never be in the same room with him after such behaviour and what else is he getting off to on line?
Such hurt and betrayal of a woman who loves him.

Sunbird24 · 08/04/2021 15:53

For a start any man that did this to me would never see me again, never mind naked.

He’s an absolute selfish bloody idiot. He’s either given no thought at all to your feelings for the past 2 years, or worse he has and he just didn’t care. How he could look you in the eye knowing what he was doing while you were completely unaware I just don’t know.

IDontDrinkTea · 08/04/2021 15:53

Oh my god. I think this is the worst thing I’ve ever read on here.

Please, please leave him.

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