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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He shared private pictures online

607 replies

feelingexposed · 08/04/2021 15:32

Hello, I am actually very embarrassed to post this but needed to know if its happened to others and get some advice.

My husband has been taking pictures of me in private for years, sometimes sneaky ones other times he asks me to let him. As you can imagine i am in various stages of dressed in them, usually not at all. I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing.

This was okay until last week, some stranger messaged me on FB and was saying pervy comments and then sent me a picture of myself, fully nude asleep. I flipped out big time and asked him where he got it. Apparently he got it on an image sharing site when men share pics of their wives. I blocked the person and rang my husband immediately. He was really panicked and told me the whole story.

For the past 2 years he has been sharing my pictures on forums and websites specifically for unaware wives, he says he really enjoys it and it helps him de-stress and get off. He then said he has never shared my details and gave me a fake name (as if that made it okay). We have been trying to have a child for a number of years now and he claims it helps him manage his EJs. He said he never meant to hurt me and he is really sorry i found out.

What on earth do I do now? hundreds of men have seen these pictures and I love my husband so its really hard to make any decisions or talk to him right now. AIBU or is this justified? he has never cheated or anything like that.

Help

OP posts:
Famousinlove · 09/04/2021 14:09

metro.co.uk/2021/04/02/jilted-lover-jailed-for-posting-naked-picture-of-ex-lover-on-instagram-14349116/

This woman was jailed for 3 months for sharing one naked picture of a man on instagram

BrilliantBetty · 09/04/2021 14:17

You owe him absolutely no loyalty now.

EverythingRuined · 09/04/2021 14:17

OP what were your Facebook settings set to? I'm surprised the guy could find you on Facebook.

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 14:27

@EverythingRuined

OP what were your Facebook settings set to? I'm surprised the guy could find you on Facebook.

well not really a surprise...

OP's DB has been sharing naked sleeping images of her for 10 years.. some are not headless.. and can be identified.

She is at risk and vulnerable as a result of his abuse.

Awful 🌸

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 14:27

sorry DH not DB 🌸

Sarahplane · 09/04/2021 14:33

OP I'm so sorry this happened to you. My ex husband did this to me and I still feel so violated. Leave him and report to the police. Keep any evidence you have of this. I wish I'd reported my ex and left him sooner, he persuaded me to stay for the kids and I tried but we ended up divorcing anyway. In my opinion it is definitely worse than cheating, it's abuse and is illegal.

Ingridla · 09/04/2021 14:38

This is such an invasion. I'm so sorry, please don't start a family with this man.

Incidentally what does 'manage his EJs' mean Confused

PurpleMustang · 09/04/2021 15:00

I really do hope you reconsider going to the police. He has only admitted to the photos as he got caught. How do you know he hasn't been filming you aswell? I ended up watching a programme the other night on BBC 1, but a BBC 3 programme called When Nudes Are Stolen, please watch it. It shows how pictures are uploaded and passed on and even sold on without the owners consent. It may give you perspective on what he has done and how far your pictures may have potentially gone because of him. You said you have done a Masters. Could this affect your work, if a boss/colleague finds these? (I actually fell all girls/women should watch this programme, it is shocking but reality)

EKGEMS · 09/04/2021 15:03

@feelingexposed Have you considered your future career,housing and potential relationships? Imagine a cursory Google search and your nude photos popping up! What if some day your child learns about these photos? Can you imagine explaining that to your child? I think you should report to the police to protect yourself

DianaT1969 · 09/04/2021 15:34

Gosh, I know the OP would get into trouble, but I'd really like to give this piece of shit a taste of his own medicine. I'd like to send his boss, colleagues and family a video of him wanking off, watching porn and his arrest sheet for this offence.

Laufeythejust · 09/04/2021 15:40

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I know you are embarrassed but please make sure you have some support in real life. You are the victim here and this must be very difficult to deal with. You deserve to be supported and shouldn’t keep it bottled up.

Butwasitherdriveway · 09/04/2021 15:41

[quote EKGEMS]@feelingexposed Have you considered your future career,housing and potential relationships? Imagine a cursory Google search and your nude photos popping up! What if some day your child learns about these photos? Can you imagine explaining that to your child? I think you should report to the police to protect yourself [/quote]
Oh shush.

EKGEMS · 09/04/2021 16:29

@Butwasitherdriveway ODFOD

Butwasitherdriveway · 09/04/2021 16:31

[quote EKGEMS]@Butwasitherdriveway ODFOD[/quote]
Well.

Do you think you're being helpful?

EKGEMS · 09/04/2021 16:41

@Butwasitherdriveway You were most unhelpful telling me to "shush" I was pointing out how this horrible situation could affect her in the future. Don't pearl clutch with me if you dish it out but can't take it

Butwasitherdriveway · 09/04/2021 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EKGEMS · 09/04/2021 16:47

@Butwasitherdriveway "Kicking her when she's down?" "Mythical child?" I'm very concerned for the OP and the way her partner has mistreated her and the future implications.

lydia2021 · 09/04/2021 17:03

It is a crime to upload someone else's image to the net. He did not ask your permission. If he had, would you have said yes. I would dump a man, for doing this to me. Whatever it is you have got, it defo ain't love. Wise up girl

Souther · 09/04/2021 17:06

@feelingexposed

I'd like to say thank you to everyone who has replied to this. You have all made me realise that I am still in shock and not reacting correctly.

I have told him to stay at his mothers and I have made my mind up that we are stopping TTC and I am going to end the relationship and divorce him.

However I am currently not planning on telling anyone in my life, I don't think I can bare people knowing that my naked body is spread across hundreds of hard drives for perverts and some people even trying to find them. This also means I am not going to the police, he has broken all my trust but I don't think I will ever stop loving him and I don't want to see him in prison. I know a lot of people won't agree with this but this is my current thinking.

He has shown me all the pictures he had in his file and there was a lot. 10 years worth of our relationship and my body in very clear pictures and 90% with my full face as well. I will however be reporting the site, I spent 10 minutes on there earlier and it is not good reading. I really hope this doesn't happen to anyone else.

Thank you all again

I would still call the Police. His behaviour isnt acceptable at all.
MrDarcysMa · 09/04/2021 17:07

Fucking hell Op I think this is the worst thing I've ever read on here. Please confide in someone who will support you IRL and think about going to the police. He's committed an appalling crime here.

Butwasitherdriveway · 09/04/2021 17:08

[quote EKGEMS]@Butwasitherdriveway "Kicking her when she's down?" "Mythical child?" I'm very concerned for the OP and the way her partner has mistreated her and the future implications. [/quote]
Mm.

MrDarcysMa · 09/04/2021 17:14

Also please don't let any misplaced embarrassment stop you getting the help and support you need. You've done absolutely nothing wrong, she shame is on him.

ConnieCaterpillar70 · 09/04/2021 21:08

Chances are that the FB person who found you has posted your details online so others can find you. These are men who like to share, remember.

Pretty sobering to think that the man you thought loved you would make you so very vulnerable.

If you do anything here, OP, delete your social media. Fast.

Joinedjustforthispost · 09/04/2021 21:14

Op please consider reporting this predator to the police, even if you divorce those pictures are permanently on the internet op. What happens if he does it to someone else to? I’m so sorry for you he’s such a scum bag . @feelingexposed

User5747384 · 09/04/2021 21:42

I agree with other posters you need to report this to the police.
Such a betrayal.