Gut feeling husband is going to leave me soon.

[Blackcat88]

I feel somewhat silly for writing this as I’m genuinely not sure what to think and haven’t been in this situation with him before. For some months I’ve noticed my DH has distanced himself from me quite a bit and has missed big events (in our relationship) like valentines, Mother’s Day etc. I feel like he’s been avoiding me and not making any effort anymore. He’s locked down his social media too, as I called out the fact he had randomly started following A number of women on SM which generally wasn’t a problem but the amount in a short space of time was. I have the gut feeling it’s someone from work as he has stopped texting me on breaks etc (which he always did before) and I found pictures of me in his recently deleted folder in his phone so there are no pictures of me in there anymore.

I’ve found he’s blowing up over the silliest things. He makes minimal eye contact and often comes home from his night shift and instead of getting into bed for a cuddle like he used to (before the kids get me up) he’ll stay downstairs, and go up when we’re up and often be up there for some time awake etc. It feels almost like resentment.

He’s working an increasing amount of overtime and seems to have no time for me anymore.

I don’t think advice to contact DH’s employer is helpful. Generally, work stuff is confidential - and they definitely won’t give the OP wage or payslip details.

A good point raised by a PP. Could it be depression or a gambling addiction? The gambling problem could explain the lack of money.

If he works nights how can he spend so much money on lunches? Even big companies won’t have canteens overnight and with shops being mostly shut at night you can’t get more than a sandwich from a vending machine. Unless they’re getting pizzas delivered every single night. This is odd.

@LadyWithLapdog. There is a link between depression and overspending and a gambling addiction would explain some of his behaviour. But would either of these things explain the other stuff going on? If he was gambling excessively, I don’t think he would be as willing as he is to involve his mum -badmouthing OP to her etc. Depression is trickier because without medical input there’s no way to know for sure - it would explain him becoming more and more withdrawn, but not the secrecy. Good point about spending on lunches while he’s working nights - not much open unless he’s ordering lots of fast food deliveries.

@pam290358 true, neither explain the odd behaviour entirely.

Well done op you are so strong

His behaviour is very familiar - ready excuses which don't make sense and are not a reflection on who he is or who he has been the entirety of your relationship.

From here in, it is unlikely anything he ever says to you will hold any truth.

Furthermore, he doesn't like himself either but that can't possibly be his fault so all of it is your fault. So he will now be cruel and irrational to you at every turn.

Mark my words. Be as strong as you have been and don't let his imploding life slow yours down. Take every thing you can get financially and get out with a clean divorce as quickly as possible.

Start a CMS and benefit claim today.

You sound like a strong woman. Best of luck to you (

I really hope what is actually happening shows it's hand to you soon. I can't imagine what you must be going through and the lack of control must be awful. You've been handling it so well, especially with a young baby. Hats off (and lots of love) to you OP.

Given what MIL said to you the other day and in her new message, be prepared for her to turn it back in you and say that you drove him to it, by working him too hard, not being affectionate (separate bedrooms), etc. Because that's what he'll have told her, not the truth.

@Mif4

I'd phone his work and ask when the overtime money is going in as you are late with the rent. Be interested to see what they say.

FYI
An employer would not discuss confidential information of this nature with anyone other than the employee, with who they have a contact of employment with.

Actually, saying that I work in HR and occasionally we get a wife who thinks they're entitled to similar information and it's escalated to me.

It would be a breach of confidentiality, that could lead to dismissal of the individual who divulged such information and potentially further consequences for the organisation.

How are you doing op? Xx

Hope you're ok OP xx

Hope you're OK, op

Also hope you're ok OP. xx

I really hope he hasn't conned you into giving him your savings, or overlooking his shady AF unpaid "overtime" 😶

MIL is in for a very rude awakening.

@Blackcat88 do hope you're doing okay, and the fact you've gone silent is because you've left and are now safe and well.

Keeping an eye on your thread Blackcat to make sure you are as fine as can be. Really hoping you are safe and supported by your mum. for you

How are things op?

His mum is so blind to him it’s laughable!

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread but if he couldn't afford a 3 bed on his wage, is it possible he's trying to buy something smaller for just himself and potential other?

Hope you’re ok 💐