Gut feeling husband is going to leave me soon.

[Blackcat88]

I feel somewhat silly for writing this as I’m genuinely not sure what to think and haven’t been in this situation with him before. For some months I’ve noticed my DH has distanced himself from me quite a bit and has missed big events (in our relationship) like valentines, Mother’s Day etc. I feel like he’s been avoiding me and not making any effort anymore. He’s locked down his social media too, as I called out the fact he had randomly started following A number of women on SM which generally wasn’t a problem but the amount in a short space of time was. I have the gut feeling it’s someone from work as he has stopped texting me on breaks etc (which he always did before) and I found pictures of me in his recently deleted folder in his phone so there are no pictures of me in there anymore.

I’ve found he’s blowing up over the silliest things. He makes minimal eye contact and often comes home from his night shift and instead of getting into bed for a cuddle like he used to (before the kids get me up) he’ll stay downstairs, and go up when we’re up and often be up there for some time awake etc. It feels almost like resentment.

He’s working an increasing amount of overtime and seems to have no time for me anymore.

@Blackcat88

He also mentioned earlier he might pop to his ‘friends’ for an hour!

Did he go out to his 'friend's'?

@Blackcat88

I think it’s time to Invest in a camera/recording device too!

Any suggestions ladies?

For what purpose?

You already don’t trust him.

It’s basically over.

I’m sorry

@Blackcat88

I think it’s time to Invest in a camera/recording device too!

Any suggestions ladies?

Get this:

Spy Camera,KEAN 4K HD Mini WiFi Wireless Hidden Camera Smallest Security Cameras with App Micro Nanny Cam Night Vision Motion Activated Alerts Secret Surveillance Cameras for Indoor/Home https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08DHQVFXD/ref=cmswwrcppapiglccfabc0ATNEGNQM38RF0GWHATK

And hide it in something. I saw a spy camera once hid in an air freshener, like this one:

Glade Solid Gel Air Freshener, Odour Eliminator for Home & Bathroom, 150 g, Lavender, Pack of 8 https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00F4L98WG/ref=cmswwrcppapiglccfabc2JCYT7SHG7H47ED9XDSV??encoding=UTF8&psc=1

I think for me having evidence to show him so he can’t get himself out of it or make me look like the bad guy (which he seems to be doing already with people). I agree this marriage is definitely over

I’d just tell him I know what’s going on. He’ll crack.

And no he didn’t go, he asked me to wake him up around 5ish as he had to go to his ‘friends’ for something. I got him up late so now he’s probably in the shit with OW🤣

@Blackcat88

I think for me having evidence to show him so he can’t get himself out of it or make me look like the bad guy (which he seems to be doing already with people). I agree this marriage is definitely over

If you know it’s over Then he can’t weasel out.

Who cares what he says? Let him dig his hole.

You need to learn to start caring less, or even once it’s over, you’ll still be catering to him.

Oh just thought I’d let everyone on the thread know, I’ve managed to get a viewing for a house (closer to my mums!) that’s cheaper than my current on rent, this is on Friday so 🤞🏻

I feel so invested in this as it's so similar to my own story (although I split with my exH 5 years ago and am now a million times happier for it. It's so so hard initially but in the long run you'll be so much better off).

When it was me I wanted the proof to prove that it wasn't me who was the bad guy that my exH was determined to paint me out to be...to all his family and friends, but more importantly our DD. She's way too young to know what her dad did and I may never tell her as I'm not sure what that would achieve BUT if her dad ever tries to play the victim or say I chucked him out, split up the family unit etc etc he'll not be in a position to fool anyone.

Getting the evidence also gave me much more peace of mind that I had tried everything I could to work on the marriage but the proof of him cheating was the final thing I needed to let me divorce him with a completely clear conscience and no regrets or 'what if's'. Otherwise I could be years down the line looking back and wondering if it was all in my head.

So form that point of view, I completely understand you wanting proof. I'd still concentrate on your finances etc. but my worry would be that he's realised your suspicious and might cool it off a bit. Surely he's unlikely to have her round after he knows you're on to him?? I think he'll be being extra careful and even harder to catch in the act. Maybe him realising you're suspicious will be enough to make him stop, possibly too little too late in terms of saving your marriage but will make it unlikely the cameras etc will work?

Hope you're doing okay and get a better sleep tonight so you have a clear head tomorrow

Have you thought about turning on find my friends on your phone, (or share your location with just your sister) and putting your phone hidden in his car on a day he says he’s going to see “a friend”/working late etc. Then you could get your sister to track the location of your phone to see where he is while he’s out? You could then drive there to wait for him to emerge from whatever place he is.
I do think other posters are right that he might not bring anyone into your house anymore if he thinks your onto him

@Piccalily19

Have you thought about turning on find my friends on your phone, (or share your location with just your sister) and putting your phone hidden in his car on a day he says he’s going to see “a friend”/working late etc. Then you could get your sister to track the location of your phone to see where he is while he’s out? You could then drive there to wait for him to emerge from whatever place he is. I do think other posters are right that he might not bring anyone into your house anymore if he thinks your onto him

That’s actually a really good idea!!!

At this point, really, who cares about proof. He’s shit whether there’s another woman or not and isn’t looking after his family. Just make your plans. Get the other house. Get yourself on your own feet.

I can understand OPs need for proof, so far this man is behaving like he can control everything, he is possibly quite confident about his own work. If he is like this, he is unlikely to take any responsibility for his own actions, quite the opposite - he may invest in his own story of being nothing but a great dad and partner and make OPs life difficult. Being able to create some clear understandings could be helpful.

@Blackcat88 speak to a solicitor before committing to a move with the DCs

@Blackcat88

Oh just thought I’d let everyone on the thread know, I’ve managed to get a viewing for a house (closer to my mums!) that’s cheaper than my current on rent, this is on Friday so 🤞🏻

That’s so positive - all the best

While I think it's a bit of a waste of time when you know what the score is I think your best bet of finding the truth would be what Piccalily suggested. Don't use your own phone though buy a burner phone and Sim.

Just be aware that you will still get full out denial even if you walked in on her bouncing on his cock.

Just be aware that you will still get full out denial even if you walked in on her bouncing on his cock.
Jesus, people don't mince words on this board!

Is there a possibility that the OW is watching this thread ?

Just read the entire thread. Been through similar so you have my sympathy. Seek legal advice before doing anything else.

As far as his recent behaviour, I've found that cheating men seem to have some sort of '6th sense' when it come to their wives/partners. I think they're hyper-senstive to being caught so pick up on any behaviour changes no matter how small. They may not know for sure, or exactly what's going on, but they seem to know something has changed even if oh so subtly.

It behooves any woman in OP's position who wants to play it close to the vest to monitor their behaviour very carefully so as not to change their 'ways'. Even down to watching one's facial expressions.

Another idea is that you can get recording devices on your phone. I used one to make sure my dogs weren't being noisy during the day. It simply records when it hears noise. You could download it, switch it on and then leave your phone in the house.

Really don't waste your energy on all the proof and recordings. Just sort your future out and leave him too it. You've nothing to prove, the marriage is over, and getting caught up in spying isn't going to help you.

Well he’s being vile this morning and is now saying he doesn’t have enough money to pay the rent (due yesterday!). Complete change again, I’m guessing him not waking up and going to his ‘friends’ has caused some shit with the OW😁

My viewing is today at 3pm. Hopefully I have some luck!

I mean I thought his mum was going to borrow him deposit money which is far greater than our rent, so why hasn’t he asked to borrow the money off her?

He then said ‘-landlords name- can kick us out, i don’t want to live here anyway’