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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Gut feeling husband is going to leave me soon.

622 replies

Blackcat88 · 31/03/2021 01:36

I feel somewhat silly for writing this as I’m genuinely not sure what to think and haven’t been in this situation with him before. For some months I’ve noticed my DH has distanced himself from me quite a bit and has missed big events (in our relationship) like valentines, Mother’s Day etc. I feel like he’s been avoiding me and not making any effort anymore. He’s locked down his social media too, as I called out the fact he had randomly started following A number of women on SM which generally wasn’t a problem but the amount in a short space of time was. I have the gut feeling it’s someone from work as he has stopped texting me on breaks etc (which he always did before) and I found pictures of me in his recently deleted folder in his phone so there are no pictures of me in there anymore.

I’ve found he’s blowing up over the silliest things. He makes minimal eye contact and often comes home from his night shift and instead of getting into bed for a cuddle like he used to (before the kids get me up) he’ll stay downstairs, and go up when we’re up and often be up there for some time awake etc. It feels almost like resentment.

He’s working an increasing amount of overtime and seems to have no time for me anymore.

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 02/04/2021 10:10

Why doesn't he have enough money to pay rent??? 😳

Original poster
Blackcat88 · 02/04/2021 10:11

@CombatBarbie

Why doesn't he have enough money to pay rent??? 😳
I can’t see why he wouldn’t, I pay for everything else and every other month has been no struggle.
OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 02/04/2021 10:12

Has he offered no explanation?

AnImposter · 02/04/2021 10:13

I know everyone's jumped to affair but are you SURE he hasn't lost his job?

New professional email to apply for new jobs, no money to pay rent, change in mortgage plans to buy time, not going to bed cos he's not tired after sleeping at mums or in the car, snapping at you because he's panicking?

Just a thought.

Original poster
Blackcat88 · 02/04/2021 10:15

@CombatBarbie

Has he offered no explanation?
Just that he hasn’t got enough to pay the rent... he then said petrol costs and lunch costs at work are ‘eating all of his money’ I said ‘well you’ve been all of this overtime for nothing then?’ He said ‘they haven’t been putting it on 😄’
OP posts:
Original poster
Blackcat88 · 02/04/2021 10:16

@AnImposter

I know everyone's jumped to affair but are you SURE he hasn't lost his job?

New professional email to apply for new jobs, no money to pay rent, change in mortgage plans to buy time, not going to bed cos he's not tired after sleeping at mums or in the car, snapping at you because he's panicking?

Just a thought.

Nope he definitely still has the job. He still has his work email that’s very active etc and managers text often
OP posts:
Original poster
Blackcat88 · 02/04/2021 10:18

Woah he’s being absolutely horrible today! No way am I going to let him boss it up around the house after everything I know! Cheeky sod

OP posts:
Marmozet3 · 02/04/2021 10:20

Do you have house viewing today OP?

Original poster
Blackcat88 · 02/04/2021 10:20

@Marmozet3

Do you have house viewing today OP?
Yes at 3pm
OP posts:
Handsoffstrikesagain · 02/04/2021 10:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Dery · 02/04/2021 10:29

The ongoing story about unpaid overtime is just insulting your intelligence. How stupid does he think you are? Whatever’s going on, he’s obviously lying to you. How can he be comfortable with leaving his young family’s home at risk?

RabbiTouch · 02/04/2021 10:33

He then said ‘-landlords name- can kick us out, i don’t want to live here anyway’

My ex suddenly started hating our house when he had mentally moved in with his little chubby chaser.

Good luck with your viewing, Blackcat.

FortunesFave · 02/04/2021 10:33

How are you going to pay the rent??

Figgygal · 02/04/2021 10:34

I don’t understand this I read all of your posts op why don’t you just ask him what the fuck he’s playing at stop playing silly Games for the good of your sanity and the kids

Dery · 02/04/2021 10:38

“I don’t understand this I read all of your posts op why don’t you just ask him what the fuck he’s playing at stop playing silly Games for the good of your sanity and the kids”

This, too, OP. You don’t need to know everything at this point to confront him and ask him what the hell he’s playing at. Failing to pay the rent is huge.

Original poster
Blackcat88 · 02/04/2021 10:41

@FortunesFave

How are you going to pay the rent??
I will have to take the money out of my savings to pay it
OP posts:
Original poster
Blackcat88 · 02/04/2021 10:42

@Figgygal

I don’t understand this I read all of your posts op why don’t you just ask him what the fuck he’s playing at stop playing silly Games for the good of your sanity and the kids
I want to, but I’m trying to find the right time and where an argument won’t break out in front of the kids. Once I get going I know I won’t stop.
OP posts:
Treacletoots · 02/04/2021 10:42

Sorry you're having to deal with this OP. Personally I'd be sitting him down and discussing his childcare responsibility going forward with him, and say very matter of fact 'as it's clear he has another woman, is trying to blame you for the relationship breakdown and he can get to fuck if he thinks he can run off into the sunset with his OW.'

Accompanied with his bags already packed I'd be kicking his arse out the door. But not before making it crystal clear that he can leave your marriage, but he doesn't get to leave his children and you expect 50% from him.

Then set up an email explicitly for arranging child bits and bobs and block the fucker from every other channel.

He thinks he's been so clever... Now it's your turn to take control and turn this on its head. We're all behind you OP. Flowers

Thinking back my ex used the excuse of overtime too, when he was cheating and funnily enough he also forgot to pay the mortgage. So predictable aren't they?

SortingItOut · 02/04/2021 10:52

View the house, accept it and speak to him later.

I expect he needs his wages to save towards the deposit for the house he wants to buy and/or he has been spending it on OW.

Of course he doesn't care if you're all kicked out, he's got a new home all lined up.

You're doing great OP.

Original poster
Blackcat88 · 02/04/2021 11:03

Just told him I know everything, and he said that there’s no account and if there is someone’s made it, I said so you haven’t got recovery account he said no? I said so someone’s using your old phone number and new phone number? He’s adamant someone else has used his stuff

OP posts:
Original poster
Blackcat88 · 02/04/2021 11:09

And I’ve just tried to do it in front of him and he’s taken his phone number off it now

OP posts:
Original poster
Blackcat88 · 02/04/2021 11:10

Such a liar!!! I said so someone’s used your name, old number and new number plus your other email account?

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 02/04/2021 11:11

Will he hand over his phone? You need to make out you know more than you do.

gutful · 02/04/2021 11:14

This is why people were trying to tell you that you’re wasting time trying to get proof

You know what he is doing
He knows what he is doing

cheaters will always deny till the cows come home.

This daydream you have of confronting him with evidence & he crumbles because you’ve caught him red-handed is a fantasy.

As you can tell you have confronted him & he has lied so easily to your face. Leaving you feel silly & uncertain about the email.

I get why you think you need all this proof but you really don’t. You just need to have faith in yourself that he is sneaky & untrustworthy & follow your instincts.

Original poster
Blackcat88 · 02/04/2021 11:16

@CombatBarbie

Will he hand over his phone? You need to make out you know more than you do.
I’ve checked his phone, my guess is he used incognito mode on his phone on browser
OP posts:
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