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Original poster

Partner having his kids around when I'm not well

196 replies

Madboutcats · 30/03/2021 10:15

My partner & I live together. I have 1 child & he got 3 kids. Generally, I'm not bothered if his 3 kids are in our house but atm, I got severe back pain & I just want to be on my own. I tried to explain to him that I'm in so much pain that dealing with my kid is bad enough without his kids being around as well. But he doesn't understand. I'm getting rather frustrated bout it. He says his kids are not as noisy as my one is. My mom takes my kid to her place when I just want to rest. His kids don't live here so why should I have to put up with it when I'm in pain? Any advice, thoughts or even to tell me I'm overreacting etc, I'd like to know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Madboutcats · 31/03/2021 01:32

I feel I have to cos everyone's getting the wrong idea bout me.

OP posts:
Providora · 31/03/2021 01:33

Your perspective on this is shaped by the arrangement you have with your mum, where you can ship your DD off and rest whenever you need.

Most people have never had the luxury of the twice weekly break you get and have to keep caring with their kids no matter how ill or injured they are. Hopefully with additional support from a partner if they have one.

Your situation isn't the norm at all, and I think it's given you an unreasonable (or unusual if I'm being kind!) expectation that children shouldn't be around when their parents aren't well.

WisnaeMe · 31/03/2021 01:36

@Madboutcats

I feel I have to cos everyone's getting the wrong idea bout me.

Ask for the Thread to be removed. It's causing you distress, and you are unwell. 🌸

Original poster
Madboutcats · 31/03/2021 01:37

When my partner is ill, he will cancel seeing his kids & see them another night in the week. The kids mother will change plans to suit herself & if she had enough of one of her kids, she will give him over to us which is not a problem. Her boyfriend got a broken ankle so she don't want the kids around.

OP posts:
Original poster
Madboutcats · 31/03/2021 01:42

WisnaeMe, I don't know how to remove the thread & not only that, I thought I could have a nice conversation about this but instead, people judge & have already made me up to be a horrible person. I have temporary severe back ache & I'm trying to get it better so I can go back to normal, work etc. I can't do that sitting in my bedroom all day for 3 days.

OP posts:
Siepie · 31/03/2021 01:58

@Madboutcats

I find it uncomfortable to stay on the bed with no TV to occupy me from pain. I can't just rest, I have to walk around as I need to improve my back.
Watch TV on a laptop or tablet. Or walk around but make it clear that you won’t be doing any childcare even if you’re up and about.

I don’t really understand how having children in the house makes your back pain worse, as long as you’re not expected to look after them?

WisnaeMe · 31/03/2021 02:02

OP I've reported the Thread Flowers

1forAll74 · 31/03/2021 02:04

Any thoughtful and decent partner, should know that you are unwell right now, and make sure that there isn't an overload of children in the house at the moment,when you would like some peace and quiet.You have already mentioned that you like the children to visit, in normal times..

Original poster
Madboutcats · 31/03/2021 02:22

Siepie, I'm deaf so can't even watch Sky Go cos they don't provide subtitles. He has two boys who argues a lot over the XBox & laptop. I told one of them that their arguing hurts my back. (was kidding) and the one who loves me believed me so his dad went & brought a mouse (for laptop or whatever) to keep them quiet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Madboutcats · 31/03/2021 02:23

Thank you, WisnaeMe.

OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 31/03/2021 02:23

Stay in your bedroom and don't do any childcare at all. Its his responsibility completely not yours.
As long as they are not trampolining on your bed I can't see what the problem is.
I have had serious back problems for most of my life and i've always had to look after my own no matter how ill I was as I was a single parent.

Original poster
Madboutcats · 31/03/2021 02:27

Diamondinthesky, everyone's back problems are different but I do deal with a lot. I'm not asking for a lot really for time out.

OP posts:
user1481840227 · 31/03/2021 02:33

It's funny how you see you and your partner as having legitimate reasons to not wanting the kids in the house....but when it's the mother it's because she's shipping them off, changing plans to suit herself or she's had enough of her kids!

Original poster
Madboutcats · 31/03/2021 02:38

Funny how you've labelled yourself as a user as a username. You're not in my life & don't know what's going on so you can't really defend the other party cos it suits you.

OP posts:
user1481840227 · 31/03/2021 02:41

I didn't label myself as a user lol

PRsecrets · 31/03/2021 03:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Madboutcats · 31/03/2021 03:02

Well, you did. You don't know their mother. And everyone is quick to judge adults, not based on their merits of course.

OP posts:
Original poster
Madboutcats · 31/03/2021 03:09

He normally only sees them 2 weekends a month. But cos of half term, he's seeing them more cos she wants to the kids out the way to care for her boyfriend's ankle so is that more important than my back?

OP posts:
user1481840227 · 31/03/2021 03:16

No I didn't lol, that's just a generic username that mumsnet picks for people when they don't pick one of their own.
You are coming across as extremely childish.

I don't know their mother but I don't know you either, only what you're saying here and you are being unreasonable.

And if he normally only sees them 2 weekends a month then perhaps it's about time he sees them some more, but unfortunately it seems like it would suit you far more if he only bothered to see them 2 weekends a month!!

popspops · 31/03/2021 03:20

@Madboutcats

I was answering another question. If he was in pain like I am, I would keep my kid away or send her to my mom's overnight. I have never stopped him from seeing his kids.
Well that's nice. Poor kids.
JustLyra · 31/03/2021 03:24

@Madboutcats

He normally only sees them 2 weekends a month. But cos of half term, he's seeing them more cos she wants to the kids out the way to care for her boyfriend's ankle so is that more important than my back?
It’s entirely normal for someone who only sees their kids EOW to see them more in the school holidays.

That’s nothing to do with their mother. Your partner should be spending time with them.

If he can’t stay at home and wants to see them then he could take them to a hotel (facilitating child contact is one of the allowable reasons to use hotels) to save them being in the crossfire of your disagreement.

He should also consider his relationship.

Providora · 31/03/2021 03:24

I really don't think it's ideal for the kids to be caught up in a battle about who wants them the least. Can't you work something out with your partner so you can get the support you need to recuperate without chucking them out of the house? Poor things don't seem to be welcome anywhere.

Original poster
Madboutcats · 31/03/2021 03:25

Quick to judge again! I hate judgemental people cos everyone's situation is different.

OP posts:
user1481840227 · 31/03/2021 03:26

@Providora, she said in her last post that he normally only has them 2 weekends a month, so it sounds like all of the earlier posts about the mother shipping them off whenever it suits her or she's had enough of them are greatly exaggerated!

JustLyra · 31/03/2021 03:27

It’s not wrong or harsh of people to consider it not right to send children away from their home when the adult not ill/in pain, in this case their father, can look after them.

If you ask for opinions then you tend to get people’s opinions...