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Original poster

Partner having his kids around when I'm not well

196 replies

Madboutcats · 30/03/2021 10:15

My partner & I live together. I have 1 child & he got 3 kids. Generally, I'm not bothered if his 3 kids are in our house but atm, I got severe back pain & I just want to be on my own. I tried to explain to him that I'm in so much pain that dealing with my kid is bad enough without his kids being around as well. But he doesn't understand. I'm getting rather frustrated bout it. He says his kids are not as noisy as my one is. My mom takes my kid to her place when I just want to rest. His kids don't live here so why should I have to put up with it when I'm in pain? Any advice, thoughts or even to tell me I'm overreacting etc, I'd like to know.

OP posts:
TheCrowening · 30/03/2021 18:34

@WisnaeMe

You don't just send kids away when you're in pain

but OP does have this option, and the thread is about her options.

She does with her own child. Not her partners children.
TheCrowening · 30/03/2021 18:37

I’m so bored of seeing so much wife work done, so much work being done for other people’s kids. He could make it all doable by simply doing his share in caring for his children and caring for his partner.

Do we know that he isn’t caring for his children? OP has not said that anywhere - you’d think she would, if it was an issue. She has mentioned the noise they make, but that’s about it. Her main issue seems to be wanting to be on her own with no children in the house. Which is frankly not possible if you’ve chosen to live with a man who has children.

Thesheerrelief · 30/03/2021 18:41

I understand that being in awful pain is hard and makes it hard to relax, but you can't pick and choose when his kids come. If his dad lives with you then it should be his kids' home too. It wouldn't be right for them to be told they can't come over

WisnaeMe · 30/03/2021 18:41

She does with her own child. Not her partners children.

Still her option 🌸

MixedUpFiles · 30/03/2021 18:49

Their father’s home is their home. They should be able to be in their home at any time .

If you aren’t feeling great it might be a good day for him to tire them out at the park and then everyone chills in bedrooms with quiet activities afterwards.

Blacktothepink · 30/03/2021 18:59

I’m going against the grain here and say yanbu...especially if you’re expected to look after them.

TheCrowening · 30/03/2021 19:17

@WisnaeMe

She does with her own child. Not her partners children.

Still her option 🌸

No, it really isn’t. She does however have the option of going to her mums.
WisnaeMe · 30/03/2021 19:25

No, it really isn’t. She does however have the option of going to her mums.

Yes... still very much her option 🌺

Original poster
Madboutcats · 30/03/2021 20:39

MzHz, I completely agree with you. My daughter only goes to my mom's twice a week & rest of the time, she's with me until my back's better. And my mom wants to spend time with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Madboutcats · 30/03/2021 20:46

Mixed Up Files, when he's not well, he cancels them coming over & they understand. They know they will see him another day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Madboutcats · 30/03/2021 20:49

Mixed Up Files, wrong name, meant someone else but I like that idea of them going out for the day & coming back to quiet activities.

OP posts:
WisnaeMe · 30/03/2021 23:58

I hope you're feeling better soon OP 🌸

JustAnotherPoster00 · 31/03/2021 00:12

There his kids. That means his home is there home too. Either go to your mums or go to another room and leave him to deal^
With them

They're!

Their their pedant, did you're sensibilities get offended Grin

LaceyBetty · 31/03/2021 00:22

@Madboutcats

Mixed Up Files, when he's not well, he cancels them coming over & they understand. They know they will see him another day.
So glad my dad never did this. I can't even imagine what it would feel like for my own father to "cancel" on me. I'm starting to really see that my childhood as a stepchild wasn't actually that bad.
Changemaname1 · 31/03/2021 00:25

These ( seemingly constant ) threads make me so sad ,

If you don’t want to deal with someone else’s kids seriously don’t get with men ( or women ) that already have them. they aren’t an extra or an inconvenience that can be dropped to accolade your “ real “ family . Ffs grow up

Changemaname1 · 31/03/2021 00:26

*accomodate . Ffs

Jesskir89 · 31/03/2021 00:30

Is this real?! Wow! CHILDREN COME FIRST! Go upstairs and let your partner have some quality time with his beloved children ffs. This is outrageous! Hope my son never ends up with a step mum like this.

Mrbob · 31/03/2021 00:36

This is depressing. YABVU. They are his children. I feel sorry for some men- when they are doing the right thing and maximising time with their children and someone whinges about it. You should be grateful he is an involved father.

KurtWilde · 31/03/2021 00:42

@Vooga

This is one of several threads in the last few days about step parents not wanting step children in their house because they're tired, they're I'll, they're pregnant, they have a baby etc etc. It's shocking. Those kids need to see their dad and their dad has a responsibility to his children. You don't just send kids away when you're in pain, most people wouldn't even have that option. It's genuinely shocked me and it's disgusting. All these poor kids who are made to feel unwelcome in their father's home. And yes they do notice, even if you're sure you're always nice to them.
Totally agree. There's been a few threads like this lately and it's so sad.
DeRigueurMortis · 31/03/2021 00:56

I'm a SM so I might as well say that upfront.

I'm sorry you are unwell, but I don't think you are being reasonable that being unwell is a good reason not have the child stay.

I've had to parent my child though illness and the line doesn't change as a step parent.

That said, I'd expect my DH to shoulder the parenting load if I'm ill (and vice versa).

What seems unfair in your circumstances is that the mother expects you and your DH to shoulder the load if they are unwell but not reciprocate. In that I think they are unreasonable.

So I understand how you feel it's a one way street and I'm perplexed how other posters can't see that.

Upshot is your DH needs to pull his finger out and be respectful of you.

He needs to step up when you're unwell and also stop his ex taking advantage in reverse.

Hope you get better soon Thanks

Siepie · 31/03/2021 01:05

You can go to bed and put headphones or earplugs in. He should keep the kids reasonably quiet if you struggle with noise when you’re ill.

But your back pain isn’t a reason for the DC to miss out on time with their dad.

Original poster
Madboutcats · 31/03/2021 01:14

I have always accepted his kids. All I ask is for a little bit of consideration & discussion as to when they come over. Is that unfair? He had the kids all of last weekend & the kids mother wanted him to have them Monday to Wednesday. Is it wrong of me to ask for one day where there is no kids?

OP posts:
Original poster
Madboutcats · 31/03/2021 01:16

I find it uncomfortable to stay on the bed with no TV to occupy me from pain. I can't just rest, I have to walk around as I need to improve my back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Madboutcats · 31/03/2021 01:24

One of his sons thinks I'm a great person & always telling people he prefers me cos I have a good understanding of his condition. So it's not the case of I don't want him to ever see his kids so you need to get off that bandwagon.

OP posts:
WisnaeMe · 31/03/2021 01:30

OP you don't need to explain yourself, to anyone 🌺