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Relationships

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Original poster

Partner having his kids around when I'm not well

196 replies

Madboutcats · 30/03/2021 10:15

My partner & I live together. I have 1 child & he got 3 kids. Generally, I'm not bothered if his 3 kids are in our house but atm, I got severe back pain & I just want to be on my own. I tried to explain to him that I'm in so much pain that dealing with my kid is bad enough without his kids being around as well. But he doesn't understand. I'm getting rather frustrated bout it. He says his kids are not as noisy as my one is. My mom takes my kid to her place when I just want to rest. His kids don't live here so why should I have to put up with it when I'm in pain? Any advice, thoughts or even to tell me I'm overreacting etc, I'd like to know.

OP posts:

bonfireheart · 30/03/2021 10:51

Anyway him bringing his DC in when you have sent your own DC to your mums for a rest because of severe back pain isnt a considerate or caring partner. He could go out with them...

He shouldn't see his kids cos she has back pain??
She sent her kid to her mums, she can't send his kids to her mums.
I am a single mum with epilepsy. For days after a seizure I can still feel awful. I don't expect my DD to leave the house cos I feel rough!

RLJ1905 · 30/03/2021 10:51

YABVU. Of course he should still see his kids!

I wouldn't be lifting a finger to help though.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/03/2021 10:53

(hopes op is a troll)

If you want to be alone, then you shouldn't have moved in with someone let alone one with three kids.

You sound contemptuous of them at best. He really should leave you totally, not just for a few days

canigooutyet · 30/03/2021 10:56

Unfortunately you cannot opt in and out of parenting because someone is ill. Children have the right to see their parents unless legally restricted of course.

Why do you ship your child off to someone else when you are ill? Surely your partner should be doing all this stuff?

And if you don't want to have the "annoyances" of children then it's daft getting involved with someone who has children. What do you expect them to do, not see their dad everytime you are ill? Move elsewhere for the duration of your illnesses?

bonfireheart · 30/03/2021 11:00

Maybe it's a reverse...?

Teardrop2021 · 30/03/2021 11:01

Yabu just because your ill doesn't stop you being a parent you might ship your child off to your dm but your dp has the right to have access with his dc. Theres people who have long term conditions that don't off load their children on over people.

Beautiful3 · 30/03/2021 11:02

Don't think you can do anything about it really. You cant stop his children from visiting their father. If you're ill, ask your mum to look after your child and go lie down on your bed. Your boyfriend can look after his children.

Original poster

Madboutcats · 30/03/2021 11:15

I would, yes.

OP posts:

PolytheneHam · 30/03/2021 11:16

You think he shouldn't see his children because you're in pain? You're being very unreasonable.

ImNotWhoYouThinkIam · 30/03/2021 11:25

You know... my ex pulls this stunt. "Sorry. We can't have dc this weekend as DW has a cold/bad back/twisted ankle." Of course her/their joint DC still get to stay at home most times.
DC are 16 and 14 now and couldn't care less if they see their Dad or not. 16 year old is changing his surname because he doesn't want his Father's name. Don't be that woman.

Twintub · 30/03/2021 11:27

Because they are his kids and parents get ill all the time. As long as he doesn’t expect you to look after them then it’s perfectly reasonable.

Original poster

Madboutcats · 30/03/2021 11:27

I was answering another question. If he was in pain like I am, I would keep my kid away or send her to my mom's overnight. I have never stopped him from seeing his kids.

OP posts:

bubblebath62636 · 30/03/2021 11:28

You shouls of thought about this when dating a man with 3 kids.

Just go to bed and ignore them.

SoupDragon · 30/03/2021 11:30

YABU.

Why should their mother have to change her plans because you have a bad back? It doesn't prevent their father parenting them.

If it was something contagious it makes sense but not a bad back.

mybonnieliesovertheocean2 · 30/03/2021 11:30

bonfireheart your comparing two different situations. I was a single parent to my eldest and had severe back pain and didnt get a break. However the OP and her DP have a choice, she sent her own DC to her mums and he could take his DC out. Not really a problem is it...

miltonj · 30/03/2021 11:31

I hate all the threads about step kids at the moment, it's so sad.

When you're with someone with kids surely you have to accept that they come as a package and are now part of your family.

Original poster

Madboutcats · 30/03/2021 11:34

Their mother constantly changes plans to suit herself, she wants the kids here all the time so she can nurse her boyfriend as he got a broken ankle. I've had one of his boys stay here for a month cos of her boyfriend & I didn't have a problem with that at all. So I'm not a horrible person. Less judging, thank you.

OP posts:

NewMum2021x · 30/03/2021 11:35

It's his home too

Original poster

Madboutcats · 30/03/2021 11:35

And thank you for being the most understanding one here, bonnieliesovertheocean.

OP posts:

Fireflygal · 30/03/2021 11:41

I imagine the only reason you send your child away when you are in pain is because YOU can't look after them. If he can look after his children then why can't they stay?

I don't think it's usual for a mum to send a child away unless they are completely incapacitated or hospitalised. Your expectations are not reasonable.

I suspect you don't enjoy the children being there so being in pain is just the tipping point. If you are with a man with 3 children you can't expect him to ship them off if you are unwell.

canigooutyet · 30/03/2021 11:42

If you weren't able to send your child to someone else, what would you do? Your mum might decide to stop doing it because either she thinks it's ridiculous, health issues of her own or some other valid reason.

herecomestreble · 30/03/2021 11:43

YABVU.

This is not just about your bad back.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/03/2021 11:46

@Madboutcats

What lovely parenting from all sides, cast aside your children when your bfs/gfs feel unwell- grow up!

Original poster

Madboutcats · 30/03/2021 11:46

But it's okay when their mother ships them off when she feels like it? I can't have a break & get over my pain because it doesn't suit anyone else? I would have preferred his kids come over for a short time, that is all. None of you know me & yet, very judgemental.

OP posts:

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 30/03/2021 11:50

@Madboutcats

We can only post based on what you've told us. Personally I find it weird that anyone is "shipping them off" when other adults are ill. So no its not "OK" that their Mum does it. But that doesn't make it any less wrong that you don't want them there. 2 wrongs don't make a right and all that. I can understand it if you're the only adult and you are incapacitated, but part of what I look for in a new partner would be the ability/willingness to help out when when I'm sick. Maybe that's why I'm single

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