What does your DP do if you cry during an argument?

[Doggotired]

Just wondering how other peoples partners react if you have an arguement and annoyingly start to cry?

@HappierTimesAhead

My partner seems to think I do it on purpose to be manipulative so it seems to annoy him more than anything. I don't, I just cry very easily when I feel overwhelmed. I think it's to do with his emotional needs not being met as a child and not really understanding that crying is totally normal.

@HappierTimesAhead I'm a sensitive person but I don't cry during arguments and would find it very weird if a grown adult started crying during a normal argument. .

To be honest, I would think the same as your partner, someone was being manipulative (perhaps not intentionally manipulative) in order to get their own way. It's interesting you think crying im such circumstances is normal - it's likely your own childhood causing you to think that way and doesn't mean your partner is wrong for finding it annoying. A lot of people who do it because they know from childhood that crying usually means the other person gives in to what they (the Cryer) wants and is a childish way of avoiding the discomfort of the argument instead of communicating on an adult level (e.g. saying I need a break from this argument right now), or they have poor emotional regulation for whatever reason.

I could only imagine crying if someone said something extremely hurtful (but in that case, I would leave them anyway) or if I was pregnant and hormonal or if it was a relationship ending argument.

We where arguing a few month ago n he said he wanted to make me cry it's like he gets enjoyment out of seeing me upset haven't felt the same since

I am a crier in general when pondering sad situations in the world but it's very very rare I cry during an argument. I can only think of twice and he looked completely stricken like he was physically pained and came to comfort me.

I had a highly manipulative, controlling abusive boyfriend when I was younger. His coldness the first time he saw me crying completely threw me. He walked out of the room and left me sobbing. Some time later he returned, asked why are you crying using my full name (which nobody uses), picked up his stuff and left before waiting for me to answer. Later when we had made up, I questioned his reaction, he said he needed me to calm down before he spoke to me again then he told me the topic was closed. I absolutely hate him and if I ever saw my daughter with someone displaying that sort of behaviour I would tell her to run.

But while we are on the topic - I was once heading into my review at work feeling a little apprehensive as for the first time ever I had missed my quartlsy target. As I was leaving a female colleague took me by the arm and hissed "when you get down there cry, they can't cope with it". I was disgusted. She was a complete bully to the junior members of the team, unethical to clients, consistently encroached on sales territory of her peers and using pathetic crocodile tears in situations like this when dealing with male bosses. It actually undermines women in the workplace, not just her.

When I had couple counselling with ExDH I cried when speaking. The counsellor said that women often cry when actually they are ANGRY. This is due to socialisation, as we often suppress anger and show another more 'acceptable' emotion - I.e. hurt/sadness. Conversely, due to socialisation, men may feel hurt/vulnerable/sad but instead show anger - again, anger being a more 'acceptable' emotion for them to show (according to society) than the former.

When she explained that it was like a lightbulb going off. Never again have a cried when I was angry. I just accept and communicate my actual feelings, and I only cry very rarely now.

There’s only two reasons someone (assuming NT) wouldn’t comfort you..,they are heartless and don’t give a shit, or they think you’re being manipulative and won’t play rhe game any more.

I agree !

Not that there is anything wrong with crying of course, but if you're actually feeling frustrated or angry, then it can be more effective to just communicate that. It's worth a try, and if you feel you are not allowed to be angry in a relationship, then that is a red flag for me.

Most of the time when I was with my ex, he would hug me and comfort me. Last month we were together he would get annoyed or do nothing. I knew something was wrong as it was out of character. He was having an affair so was obviously not caring about me much by then...