What does your DP do if you cry during an argument?

[Doggotired]

Just wondering how other peoples partners react if you have an arguement and annoyingly start to cry?

We don't argue much, but when this has happened (I cry easily) he usually softens his tone, and makes an effort to be more caring in the way he is speaking to me. He might give me a hug and then we'd carry on arguing (which is really talking, we don't really raise voices much).

I've had a previous boyfriend where me crying and getting upset would make him more angry and he'd act like I was unreasonable to cry etc. Which would then make me more upset. He was an abusive, horrible boyfriend in lots of ways though.

With my ex, that was his goal. Sometimes he would calm down. Mostly he'd either have a go at me to make me cry even more or just walk off and leave me.

This happened yesterday, I'm stressed at the moment and pmt leaves me feeling more emotional. He gave me a hug and told me he loved me. Mostly he reacts like that. One time though, he got annoyed because he felt it was putting more pressure on a difficult situation. He apologised soon after though.

With my husband he would smirk and get worse. With my partner now he immediately stops talking and cuddles me until I feel better, we then smooth it over and are happy again.

DH would be devastated if he made me cry.

Smirk and become eerily calm, it was his goal after all to upset me as best he could.

Thankfully I’m well shot of his abusive arsehole self these days.

I get no reaction at all. I don’t cry often but we had a stupid row last night and he said some hurtful things that made me cry and he completely ignored me. I can’t imagine not comforting someone who was crying??

Pretty much immediately stops whatever he is saying and is worried/upset about it. Argument/disagreement ends.

It's concerning, OP. When you say hurtful things, do you mean personal insults about you?

I either get "oh here we go" or "what are you crying for?" and not much else. he deliberately says hurtful things (personal insults and namecalling etc) when we argue then seems surprised when i get upset by it.

@Doggotired

I get no reaction at all. I don’t cry often but we had a stupid row last night and he said some hurtful things that made me cry and he completely ignored me. I can’t imagine not comforting someone who was crying??

My DH is the same. He ignores it. We've been married 10 years now and whilst I don't cry as much as I did during an argument (not that there are many) - maybe I care less than I did - he has never reached out to comfort me

He asks me why I'm crying which always pisses me off because it's obvious during a horrible argument why I would be upset
It usually just make the argument worse
If he catches me crying about something else it's causes an argument because he wants a full in depth discussion about exactly why I'm upset

My partner seems to think I do it on purpose to be manipulative so it seems to annoy him more than anything. I don't, I just cry very easily when I feel overwhelmed. I think it's to do with his emotional needs not being met as a child and not really understanding that crying is totally normal.

It’d be rare that I cried, and even rarer that we argue, but he’d horrified that he’d made me cry; give me a hug and we’d talk things through.

I don't cry myself and I don't know why but it makes me feel really trapped and annoyed when other people cry.

But I'd act sympathetically, despite my inner feelings.

I cry quite easily, if angry, frustrated, upset etc, so it’s not unusual for DH to do nothing, because it’s pretty normal part of me showing emotion. Sometimes he will get me a tissue etc but it doesn’t mean our conversation will stop or that I expect to be comforted. I wonder why you said ‘annoyingly start to cry’ - you mean annoying to him or to you? I think tears can mean different things for different people and it’s good to explore with your partner. Sorry you’ve had a row, sounds like you are feeling shit.

I am rather shocked that anyone’s DH would be such a shit as to make their wife cry, no matter what the argument was about.
My own DH never did this, in all the 16 happy and loving years we had together before his untimely death at 36. I cannot even imagine any circumstances that would conceivably have led to the possibility.
What is wrong with these awful men that they are so aggressive to the women they vowed to cherish for life?

DH may not make their wife cry. Some people (mostly women) use it as a tool or are just more sensitive or can't argue rationally.

I have never cried at home or at work.

There is a big difference between purposely making someone cry and someone crying throughout the course of an argument. Of course, the reaction to said crying is also relevant. I find it really hard that my DP finds my crying annoying but he genuinely seems to struggle with it.

I sobbed in the kitchen last summer trying to explain to him that we are nothing but housemates and I can't carry on like this, I need a proper adult relationship. He stayed across the other side of the room, maybe understandably. I cry all the time, but I hide it.

I cry a lot and my dp knows that and he always comforts me either during or after the very rare argument.

Current partner: hugs me, puts my hair behind my ear, gets me a cup of tea. Asks if I'm ok every five minutes for the next two hours.

Previous partner: Go watch TV, tell me I always fucking cry. Smirk at me. Tell me to sort myself out. Hang up the phone. Say I'm not fucking doing this anymore and leave the house.

I think this has only happened once (I was very pregnant, in my defence) and he was pretty horrified and immediately agreed to what I was saying. I doubt he'd do that every time though, if it was a frequent occurrence.

I sometimes cry when I am really angry, and would be even more annoyed if anyone tried to comfort me, I prefer it to be ignored as if I haven't cried. If I am upset and crying because of that it is a different matter, but I rarely cry when I am upset. Just tears of fury.

DH was great because he knew when to comfort me and when to leave me the hell alone. He was rarely the cause of my tears though (other than when he was dying, which wasn't his fault so I tried not to cry in front of him). If I was angry at something or someone other than him, he would try and make me laugh, not by belittling or minimising my anger, but by trying to take my mind off it. If he had made me cry, he would be so apologetic and would make me a cup of tea, and tell me he loved me. We would then discuss the matter properly. But in 20 years I can only recall a few times this happened, and mainly related to him trying to quit smoking.

Generally he tries to comfort me, it’s very rare, and If I do start to cry I will walk away immediately.

There’s only two reasons someone (assuming NT) wouldn’t comfort you..,they are heartless and don’t give a shit, or they think you’re being manipulative and won’t play rhe game any more.