Is it me, or is he just horrible?

[DuchessHastingss]

I really need help to understand if it’s me or him.

He acts like he hates me.

Last night DD 14 was going to make her own dinner, DH went on at her about washing her hands before getting the pans out, DD washed her hands but already had the land out. DH kept on and on and saying DD wasn’t listening to him, DD was crying, DH got annoyed, I intervened and told DH to stop, DD was listening etc, DH got mad at me and stormed off.
This morning I am not feeling great with horrible cold etc, got up and made dD2 breakfast, she asked for one of my little chocolates, I said yes after breakfast, DH got annoyed and said no chocolate in the morning, tbh I was just tired and ill and wanted a quiet morning, DH had a go at me and then told DS2 he could have games console back even though I said no because I took it away last night as a consequence for hitting DD2, throwing a book at me and spitting on the floor in protest to bedtime.

DH has been being the kids into arguments, telling them not to listen to me etc.

There is obviously lots of background, I don’t argue back as don’t want atmosphere for DC. I feel like I’m going mad.

Is this normal?

Can I claim CM if we are still under the same roof?

I think I will have to look at the occupation order route as he has already told me he is going to drag this out and make things difficult, he is telling the kids to ignore me and using them to point score.
He has gone out today, I have no idea where or fir how long, he didn’t even tell the kids, how on earth does he think he will win 50/50 custody?

Start keeping a log of EVERYTHING. Somewhere he can't find it, maybe in your phone's notes password protected. When he goes MIA, when he threatens to make life hell, when he uses the children as pawns etc.

What a fucking prick.

And now I have just noticed he has taken my car! His is here but he has his keys!

He might be getting a tracker fitted on it?

@DuchessHastingss

And now I have just noticed he has taken my car! His is here but he has his keys!

So he's made it impossible for you to drive anywhere today even if needed. Log it in your notes. Log everything. What if you needed to take the kids somewhere urgently today? He's stopped you being able to do that for no reason. God I hate him. I would have a really good check, next time you can get out in your car alone, for a tracker, just in case.

Report him for stealing your car! Is it in your name, not his

That was what I was going to say yuccaplant but then I wondered if it would be considered marital property until they had a financial settlement.

DuchessHastingss he won’t win 50:50 care, he is too busy game playing and trying to control and is using it as a threat. Residence and contact arrangements for the children need to be decided in their best interests. The best thing you can do is stay as calm as possible and not rise to any of his attempts to get a reaction.

By the way, I don’t think taking car and keys of the other car is correct at all, it is a means of control, I just am not sure whether the police would consider it theft.

OP his threats re the legal process and racking upcosts/ stretching tings out are just that. The Courts see this kind of crap all the time from dicks like your husband and it will be reflected in costs/orders against him. He is just throwing any threats around to keep control of you and the situation. keep going , you can do this. x

Did you make a typing error but did you say you have two children aged 1 &2 who are not your partner's (as well as a fourteen year old)? How long have you two been together? I may have read it wrong of course.

No our DC together are 6 & 8 then I have 2 from exDH who are 12 & 14

I really hope the court sees through him. I have been at my mums all day, they live within cycling distance so when I realised he had taken my car we cycled there. I am dreading going home but I’m going to grey rock him.

Once you have your keys back, change where you keep them.
He is being a dick to score points.

What stood out for me is that your DH is bullying and controlling your DD, who isn’t his child. She was crying because he was being a cunt, and you did what, exactly?

Oh I get it, Duchess. Thanks for clarifying.

Or you could just text him and tell him you will be reporting your car stolen to the police, if he doesnt have it back in the next 15 minutes..

And do just that, explain to the police you are separating and he is playing games and does not have your permission to take your car and keys.
Also if he is on your insrance remove him from it and going forward keep your keys in your bag.
When I was in your situation I used to lock my bag into my bedroom with my car and house keys in it. A total pain in the butt but yes my ex played those games too

Hi OP when I went through similar I bought a lockbox, which looks like a book, and kept car keys, housekeys and passports in there. You can get them from Amazon.Nothing new about his tactics sadly.

He clearly prefers his own kids over his stepchildren, the way he treats them is obvious.

Who the fuck does he think he is?!

Thanks for the lockbox tip, I will have a look. We are home now and he is not here. My car is back though and his has gone. I need to go and check it over, I have no idea what to look for though.
DH is not here, his car is gone now so I’m hoping he has gone to a mates to get drunk and stay there. I doubt I will be that lucky though!
Thank you for all the advice, I can’t believe he has stooped this low.

I do wonder if your mother and sister's attitude towards men has affected your boundaries. Counselling could help you look at that.

Because a grown man making a 14 year old cry over cooking when she has an eating disorder, makes him an abusive scumbag. No question. She was doing a good thing, correctly. He's plain nasty.

Pop down to police station and ask them to look for a tracking device. Tell them you are trying to leave your husband and he took your car today without permission and you are afraid he might have put a tracking device on it.

Or you could pop into a local mechanic and ask them to have a look and see if they can locate one.

Or lastly and even more fun, you could act like there is one and feed him with lots of false information and see if he trips himself up

Look on Amazon to see what tracking devices look like.
If you ever doubt you are doing the right thing, just read your posts on here back.
It is not going to be easy to separate from this man because he is controlling and controllers do not like to lose control. But you and your DC will do so much better once you have separated.

You are doing the right thing

You are strong enough to do this.

You are going to have to use ALL of your resources & BE strong.

Your mum is NOT helping. You sister is NOT helping. they both have their own agendas but they're not in YOUR best interest.

He is horrible & he is controlling.

Take you car to a reputable garage, (not some dodgy backstreet place where tracking the 'Mrs' car would be acceptable) or a local police station if you have one! Get them to check the car over.

Keep your keys on you.

It Does Not Matter what HE says he's going to do, the law will determine how your divorce & settlement are done. NOT him.

The best interest of the children & where they live will be settled by the court NOT him.

He's a bloody bully, the best thing you can do is understand he can threaten not to sell, to have 50/50 of the money, to have the kids 50/50 or whatever the fuck else he wants, but it's NOT his decision. Once you really understand that life will be a bit easier.

Keep a journal of all the stupid shit he's doing.

Dream & plan your new life 💐

He sounds like an absolute arsehole, perhaps emotionally abusive to the kids as well.

Thank you.
I am currently sat in DS bedroom trying to get my wedding rings off my lockdown fat finger! I have tried iced water, soap and baby oil and I cannot get it off. Any suggestions?