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Original poster

Please help me understand

241 replies

Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 14:09

Hi all
Just looking for opinion on this exchange between me and someone I fancy at work. I've never met him in person yet, he's in different location, senior to me but I'm not reporting to him. We meet in teams meetings a lot, lots of emails etc. I fancy him. I guess I was flirting with him but maybe subtly.
He's going through something very traumatic at the moment, old job related and it's in a public eye. I have been chatting to him about it, he was saying he really appreciate my support. He then said when we will meet in person, he will explain more about the situation.
Bit later I Said "anytime re support, just waiting for you to be" my location bound '. He replied only in June, I'm afraid, passing through my location a bit further. I've as what's in that location, he said one of our suppliers, he's meeting with them.

I've replied : don't we have suppliers in "my" location? That need urgent meeting?
He replied with laughing emoji, no further comment.
That conversation was late in the evening, outside of work hours.
After he didn't reply I felt I've overstepped just a friendly mark and tried to lighten up the situation by sending another message saying " anyway I'm not usually like this, but it's harmless isn't it"

He read that next morning, very early and didn't reply.
In the morning I have sent an email, he was cc'd in it and few minutes after, he sent me on my chat "completely harmless 😊"

I didn't even know what to say after that, took me half a day to reply. My reply was "you are a perfect gentleman, of course 😊"
His reply was an immidiate "and you are a perfect lady ☺️"
I replied " ill bite my tongue now 🙊"
He said "why is that? 😁"
I really carefully thought, for a while what to reply. It was "because there's something about you that makes me compromise my lady like composure ☺️"

He's reply was immidiate :" I'm sorry about that. I don't mean to. I'm very flattered. I do know - I'm blushing too ☺️ "
My reply was an hour later, about the weather and later" you've nothing to apologise for, it's all in my head "
He read, didn't reply immideatly, I thought that was it
Then in the evening he said" hope you'll have a nice weekend, I'll try not to work on both days "
I've replied with general chat about work, conversation gone until about 10 PM,but just work related stuff. At the end I've asked him where he grew up, making a joke about different accents, he replied explaining and I explained my background. He read last night and no contact since last night.
I don't really know what to do /how to approach this going forward.
Is he just being polite or there could be something there? I really fancy him ☺️

OP posts:
imalmostthere · 29/03/2021 19:45

Wow, you're really clinging on to anything you can aren't you. There's literally nothing there that indicates anything other than a professional relationship.
The timing comment, is work related. There is nothing personal left at all, he's made it more than clear there is nothing there.
Please stop, you are obsessed and it's embarrassing.

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 29/03/2021 19:49

Snuggle

I'm not sure exactly what annoyes you about me or my thread, but your comment is really unkind.

OP posts:
Original poster
Teensandfuture · 29/03/2021 19:52

imalmost

I'm giving an update, that's all.

Comms gone weirder and I already said it feels like he's going extra mile to show how professional he is, and that's basically what I have been relaying here.

Some people just can't be pleased.

I'm basically saying you all are right, he's not interested and it still isn't good enough.

OP posts:
imalmostthere · 29/03/2021 19:54

@Teensandfuture

Snuggle

I'm not sure exactly what annoyes you about me or my thread, but your comment is really unkind.

I honestly think people are trying to shock you into realising what you're doing. It's so unprofessional, and it's so clear he's not interested. It's genuinely concerning that you're so invested, it's worrying.

As for unkind comments - you were absolutely awful to several posters up thread for disagreeing with you.

flametrees · 29/03/2021 19:57

I think it's a time when lots of people are clinging to any kind of interaction as we are so isolated and devoid of company.
Honestly I'd just leave it be for now. But no need to feel bad over it all.

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 29/03/2021 19:58

itsalife

At least you had a powerful ending to the story.

Thanks for sharing your experience, much appreciated

OP posts:
imalmostthere · 29/03/2021 19:59

@Teensandfuture

imalmost

I'm giving an update, that's all.

Comms gone weirder and I already said it feels like he's going extra mile to show how professional he is, and that's basically what I have been relaying here.

Some people just can't be pleased.

I'm basically saying you all are right, he's not interested and it still isn't good enough.

But In your update you've highlighted he responded first, you've obviously thought enough into that to post about it. I absolutely agree he's doing his utmost to appear professional which is why it's urgent you leave it and continue to only exchange work based messages. I think he's really embarrassed, and you absolutely don't want to make it worse. Look op, you've had a hard time on this thread, possibly due to some of the comments you made near the beginning. We've all had a huge crush that never went anywhere so I get it, but you really do need to leave it before it effects your job. I know you're saying you are, but highlighting that he responded first isn't leaving it, it's clinging to hope.
Original poster
Teensandfuture · 29/03/2021 20:00

imalmost

I'm not even doing anything anymore apart updating here

I can't go back in time and change what's been done already!

OP posts:
imalmostthere · 29/03/2021 20:01

@flametrees

I think it's a time when lots of people are clinging to any kind of interaction as we are so isolated and devoid of company. Honestly I'd just leave it be for now. But no need to feel bad over it all.
Also absolutely agree with this, and if it wasn't work related I don't think anyone would be so adamant you needed to stop. It's nothing to dwell over in the long run.
Norwaydidnthappen · 29/03/2021 20:05

Bit embarrassing. He sounds like he’s just being friendly really and trying to keep you at arms length. He might be married, I wouldn’t pursue this at all.

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 29/03/2021 20:05

I think it's a time when lots of people are clinging to any kind of interaction as we are so isolated and devoid of company.

It definitely has been a factor in my case.

Isolation, working weekends, lines are blurred between home and work life.

OP posts:
imalmostthere · 29/03/2021 20:07

And that's understandable, luckily he's been nice about it. Thankfully no harm done in the long run.
Have you looked at dating apps op? Especially during this time, everyone is meeting online now

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 29/03/2021 20:10

imalmost

Please

Dating apps, I've done them all got the t-shirt

Not going back there

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 29/03/2021 20:27

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. No harm done!

7catsandcounting · 29/03/2021 20:44

I get the impression from the language you use that English isn't your native language (I hope that doesn't sound rude. I was just looking at your grammar and you make some common mistakes that French people make). Is there a chance this is a cultural issue? It could simply be a case of the Brits doing things differently. We're not this direct. Office romances happen... but they start in the pub. Everything starts in the pub. Or it did.

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 29/03/2021 20:50

Yes, I'm not native British and English isn't my first language

OP posts:
7catsandcounting · 29/03/2021 21:03

Ok. So, do you think it could be cultural? Maybe women in your culture "go for it" a bit more than we do. And why shouldn't you? You went for something you wanted. You weren't pervy or rude to him and you backed off. Maybe we're the uptight ones. Why should we wait around for men to do all the running? Don't over analyse it. You did your best. People have been too harsh with you on here. Take a breather and work on "your game" for the next bloke you fancy. Remember we're all very stuff upper lippy. That's why most people need drink to talk, flirt and fuck in the UK.

7catsandcounting · 29/03/2021 21:04

*stiff

Itlod1982 · 29/03/2021 21:10

@7catsandcounting I think that's exactly what it is!! We're far too reserved here but it's good that you've got the confidence to go for it OP

I also think it explains why some messages got
some peoples backs up...

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 29/03/2021 21:15

7cats

Maybe you are right.

I just should have waited for him to come to my location, got him drunk and bed him on the way to supplier's meeting 😂😂

Joking.

The truth is probably in the middle, I'm a bit too direct and people are too uptight.

I honestly still can't understand what's so bad about my comments to him, I wasn't rude and didn't make any sexual reference apart saying how he makes ME feel (and that's not even a guarantee I'd act on that in person, it's just words ).

OP posts:
goldielockdown2 · 29/03/2021 21:15

Your last sentence is news to me, 7cats.
Anyway I'm half forrin and can confirm that being professional at work isn't just a British thing.

Itlod1982 · 29/03/2021 21:31

@Teensandfuture I don't think there is necessarily anything so bad about your messages to him if they were reciprocated.

I think British women would tend to go for a more subtle approach. For example, if I fancied a guy in work, I'd maybe make an excuse to email him about something and be a bit chatty and see how he responds.
Even if I'd had the balls to send your first flirty message, I'd then feel of made my feelings clear and let him make the next move. If a guy wasn't flirting back I'd probably tone it down rather than ramping it up - that's not to say your direct approach is wrong, I just think a lot of people
couldn't see themselves doing it and the thought made them feel uncomfortable.

Some guys love the thrill of the chase and to be making the moves but other guys like strong confident women who know what they want.
I get the impression you're very much the latter and also that you're used to getting the men you want which may be why you're finding his lack of romantic interest so confusing?

7catsandcounting · 29/03/2021 21:32

@goldielockdown2 I was taking the piss, but I reckon a lot of people in the UK DO get together when there's booze involved. I could be wrong. It was the case back in my day though. A drink to calm to the nerves. Maybe on was a 90s thing. I'm so out of the game, I have no idea.
I've lived in France though. I'm freelance these days at wfm, but loads of shenigans went off in offices when I worked in Paris.

goldielockdown2 · 29/03/2021 21:50

Yeah, same but when it's been a two way street re in France.

And I just don't relate to the having to get pissed to function in the UK. Like I said its news to me but I'm only one person.

SnuggleWuggle · 29/03/2021 21:54

@imalmostthere has it - you seem to be wilfully ignoring comments and it’s making people frustrated and blunt.

I am a senior HR professional. In any organisation I have worked, you could lose your job for the way you’ve behaved on company IT systems.

I mean this kindly but you may need to look for more interests outside work to occupy your mind rather than fixating on this man. If the sexes were reversed your behaviour would be called creepy and predatory.