Ex is refusing to bring 19 month old son home!

[Notlong2go]

I posted a thread yesterday about how my ex is demanding to have our 4 and a half month old every weekend which I won’t agree to.
Today he picked up our 19 month old like usual and then later called me to tell me I won’t be getting him back until I take him to court or let him see our youngest.

So I have never refused to let him see any of the children but, I just don’t want him having our youngest overnight at this young age, especially when he has never spent any time alone with him.
He told me last night he was going to pick both children up and I told him it wouldn’t be possible to have my baby today and we would have to arrange something but, because of this he has said I am stopping him seeing his son so now refuses to bring our older son home!

This has made me even more certain I don’t trust him to take my baby away from my home alone!!

You werent being unreasonable until you said 'it wouldnt be possible to have my baby today'

@Wellthatwassilly

You werent being unreasonable until you said 'it wouldnt be possible to have my baby today'

🙄

Hope you get to court today.

Oh god forbid she said my baby! She carried him for 9 months, gave birth, the father is refusing her access and you think saying my baby is an issue?! Just as long as the father has his rights I guess

@Wellthatwassilly

You werent being unreasonable until you said 'it wouldnt be possible to have my baby today'

Was that your cleverest contribution to this thread?

@Outbutnotoutout

You chose to have children, twice with this man, obviously not that long ago.

But now he is an unfit parent

No wonder father's result to desperate measures

A contact order should have been sorted at the earliest opportunity.

Would you want to be away from your children and given contact 1 a week ?

Sorry but men who do this disgust me. He is the one who evidently wants change to current arrangements and more contact - fine, he is allowed that wish, that's what courts are for. He can't just withhold contact because he feel like it especially a b/f child. As he wants changes he should be the one going through the court in the normal way like normal people. He's essentially using the child as blackmail so she has no choice but to go to court.

Good luck OP I know you'll get your child back ASAP and will hopefully get set days arranged.

@Cloverleaf20

I have been through this as well, police won’t do anything even with a court order in place, it’s a complete and utter nightmare!

Yep me too. It makes me sick really that a court order can't really be enforced by the police unless there is specific wording directing them to be involved if needs be. I even had to beg for a welfare check which they did reluctantly.

Saying that, most people do obey a court order and most of the time the judge tries to find a compromise. Plus if a court order is broken and you have to go back to court it definitely does not go in their favour.

He is the dad and I understand how he must feel of you are keeping his youngest from him, don’t like it much when a child is being kept from you, do you?

However, as an individual person you know him better and if you know, not feel, that’s biased, but know he is unable to care for the child then that’s a different problem.

Courts are the obvious answer but that takes time. If it was me I’d be happy to “take one for the team” and back down, telling him he is right and you are wrong, you made a Mistake ect ect, he can have the kids at his but your too stay there too for this one weekend whilst the baby is young so he can see for himself and you are needed still due to his age. I’d go for the weekend and play the flute and once back home lock the doors, call him a cunt, then go to the courts.

It’s crazy, and disgusting behaviour for adults but sometimes you have to play the stupid game to win.

Courts should be pressured to resolve issues like this immediately and not take so long!

So sorry you are going through this. People have given a lot of advice on this thread, some good and some not so good. I do believe that you need to do what you can to get your son back to you ASAP, if that means causing a scene then so be it, the best way to do this is when your ex is working and he’s with someone else (your his mother and have parental responsibility, his aunt, grandparent does not), is there anyone who can go with you?

Hopefully you are getting legal advice today on how best to move forwards with things.

I hope you get your child back ASAP.

Good luck today. I hope that you manage to get a court hearing.

Any update op? Thinking of you

Check your bank account too!
There are some types of account that have legal insurance already built in and some that have legal assistance with a small nominal fee. It might be worth checking!

Men cant fucking win!! If he didnt want to see his kids he would be a prick, hes took action to see his kids hes still a prick🤷‍♀️ Op witheld access to the youngest child so now the father is witholding access to the oldest, fairs fair. Theyre both parents, clearly both got a lot of growing up to do. Hes an unfit parent yet you went on to have a 2nd child with him? He cant be that bad!

@Lentillover1900

"Do not
Under any circumstances
Do this"

Why not? If it was my child, and the police weren't going to help me, then damn right I'd be barging my way in and taking my child back. No way in hell would I be letting someone take my kid and basically hold them hostage, which is what this man is doing. If you'd do that, then that's your outlook..

@Wellthatwassilly

Men cant fucking win!! If he didnt want to see his kids he would be a prick, hes took action to see his kids hes still a prick🤷‍♀️ Op witheld access to the youngest child so now the father is witholding access to the oldest, fairs fair. Theyre both parents, clearly both got a lot of growing up to do. Hes an unfit parent yet you went on to have a 2nd child with him? He cant be that bad!

Oh yes, “poor men”

@Hatethepatriarchy

Sorry but you’re withholding contact from him and are shocked he’s doing the same?

My thoughts. she is picking and choosing when he gets to see baby. Using excuses like breastfeeding or he doesn't give time to express enough these are easily sorted express b4 he arrives to collect baby. If eldest was old enough to fend for themselves e.g get drink, food when needed then I would understand why he is going but given he is also still little makes me wonder why is it safe for him and not baby.

@Wellthatwassilly

Men cant fucking win!! If he didnt want to see his kids he would be a prick, hes took action to see his kids hes still a prick🤷‍♀️ Op witheld access to the youngest child so now the father is witholding access to the oldest, fairs fair. Theyre both parents, clearly both got a lot of growing up to do. Hes an unfit parent yet you went on to have a 2nd child with him? He cant be that bad!

OP didn't withhold contact, just for overnight stays given child is still b/f. Ex is the one who wants change so should be doing what normal people do and go to court but is just bullying his way so she has to arrange and pay for court. No regard for the child, which is simply being used as a pawn.

She is not withholding contact. She doesn’t want her BF baby to be taken away from his food and comfort source, the baby is the priority, not the dad.

Christ almighty what do some men actually have to do for some women not to parrot on about “poor men”?

Both of you sound ridiculous. Poor kids.

Op, at 4.5 months how much time has he spent with his son? It seems you said he wasn't allowed to see him "today" - but have you also said that to all other offers? Im not sure what the issue with 4.5 month old going to dad's for the day is (not overnight but that seems to have already been dealt with).

Clearly a knob for not returning your toddler

@Magnificentmug12

He is the dad and I understand how he must feel of you are keeping his youngest from him, don’t like it much when a child is being kept from you, do you?

However, as an individual person you know him better and if you know, not feel, that’s biased, but know he is unable to care for the child then that’s a different problem.

Courts are the obvious answer but that takes time. If it was me I’d be happy to “take one for the team” and back down, telling him he is right and you are wrong, you made a Mistake ect ect, he can have the kids at his but your too stay there too for this one weekend whilst the baby is young so he can see for himself and you are needed still due to his age. I’d go for the weekend and play the flute and once back home lock the doors, call him a cunt, then go to the courts.

It’s crazy, and disgusting behaviour for adults but sometimes you have to play the stupid game to win.

Courts should be pressured to resolve issues like this immediately and not take so long!

She isnt keeping the youngest from him the youngest is breastfed and he doesn't facilitate this

He is the dad and I understand how he must feel of you are keeping his youngest from him, don’t like it much when a child is being kept from you, do you?

OP isn't keeping the youngest from him, she just doesn't want ex to have the baby overnight.

I hope you've got an emergency court hearing today OP. Good luck.

That sucks, because Birth certificate shouldn’t matter when two parents live apart or are they going to keep playing tug a war or making threats? It is not good for the child that one parent can pick up and take the child as he wish. He need stability.