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Original poster

Ex is refusing to bring 19 month old son home!

617 replies

Notlong2go · 24/03/2021 22:29

I posted a thread yesterday about how my ex is demanding to have our 4 and a half month old every weekend which I won’t agree to.
Today he picked up our 19 month old like usual and then later called me to tell me I won’t be getting him back until I take him to court or let him see our youngest.

So I have never refused to let him see any of the children but, I just don’t want him having our youngest overnight at this young age, especially when he has never spent any time alone with him.
He told me last night he was going to pick both children up and I told him it wouldn’t be possible to have my baby today and we would have to arrange something but, because of this he has said I am stopping him seeing his son so now refuses to bring our older son home!

This has made me even more certain I don’t trust him to take my baby away from my home alone!!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 24/03/2021 23:13

I hope you get something sorted tomorrow, OP. It must be really distressing. It pisses me off how some men do this and then dump the child with someone else to look after anyway.

AnneElliott · 24/03/2021 23:14

If he works nights, can't you go and get your son once he's gone to work? If the person looking after him doesn't have PR then I don't think they can stop you taking your own child back. Agree you don't want to make a scene but you could go and speak to her and then just take him with you?

StarCat2020 · 24/03/2021 23:15

childlawadvice.org.uk/

www.lawcentres.org.uk/

worried3012 · 24/03/2021 23:19

[quote Notlong2go]@worried3012 he did say he was going to take me to court but, I don’t see him actually putting his hands in his pockets. He refuses to even pay for his children now too.

How ridiculous that a court order doesn’t even give them power to do something. What happened when you went back to court?[/quote]
Also even if he did he might go for 'normal' court which can take months whereas urgent court you is little more expensive but can take days.

Court ordered Dc back immediately but we need a new arrangement so it's a really long process. Have another hearing a few months.

KarmaNoMore · 24/03/2021 23:22

Op, not willing to scare you but move quickly, without an agreement in place, he only needs to keep him for a couple of weeks to become the resident parent.

Get a lawyer fast and ask for an emergency court appointment immediately (like tomorrow morning at the latest) and do not release the other kids to him until the case has been heard at court.

I have seen it happen before and it was a right mess, it took months to solve and during that time the mum had to fight for contact times in court, pay maintenance and lose all her lone parent benefits because she agreed for her ex to care for her child from 6pm to 7am for two weeks while she was working a night shift.

Noidea23 · 24/03/2021 23:24

You might find some useful information on this website:
www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups/parents-and-carers/resources-parents-carers/

Original poster
Notlong2go · 24/03/2021 23:29

@AnneElliottif he isn’t returned tomorrow I will do this. As you are right they don’t have parental responsibility.

@DownWhichOfLate he will not listen to anybody. He has no respect for anyone other than himself and will not hear anybody out at all.

OP posts:
MintyMabel · 24/03/2021 23:32

I did contact the police and raised my concerns as I don’t think he’s a responsible parent for example, driving off erratically when he took him.

And? What did they say?

WisnaeMe · 24/03/2021 23:32

jesus OP, I hope you are okay 🌺

EasterIssland · 24/03/2021 23:33

The baby was bf wasn’t he? Please make sure you get something in court. No judge will favour on his side like we told you , and the police would have to do something if he tries it again. I hope your eldest is ok

Sweettea1 · 24/03/2021 23:35

If child is safe and in no danger and dad is on birth certificate police won't do anything dad has just as much rights as you. If no order placed by courts saying otherwise then yes dad can take him an say what's what just as u are doing with baby. Looks like you will have to to to court an get joint custody or come to a fair arrangement. Why is older child safe togo with dad but baby not?

Dobbyafreeelf · 24/03/2021 23:37

Probably not the most sensible advise but I too would say what I needed to to get him to hand your DC back over. Then over my dead body would he be seeing them again.
Do you have any old mutual friends who he respects? Would any of them be able to talk to him?

BeetieBourke · 24/03/2021 23:37

Couldn't read and run. I'm sorry you're going through this, the worry must be unbearable.

It sounds like you've had great advice and have a good plan for the morning. Well done for keeping your head to work out the best outcome for your kids and the very best of luck. I know I'll think of you and your little ones in the morning xx

HamFisted · 24/03/2021 23:40

You could hand over the baby.

He's not on the birth certificate for the baby, right? So have him hand the baby straight back after you've got your 19 month old and, if he doesn't, ring the police about abduction of the four month old.

HamFisted · 24/03/2021 23:40

Oh, and never let him have the 19 month old again. Obviously.

Original poster
Notlong2go · 24/03/2021 23:45

@MintyMabel they cannot do anything as he’s on BC but will do a welfare check.

@EasterIssland my youngest son is BF yes.

@Sweettea1 I have not got a problem with him seeing his children, I do believe it’s beneficial for children to have their father in their lives but, he is withholding my son from me and even himself admitted he knows it’s not good for his mental and emotional wellbeing yet is still doing it.
Also I said I would arrange with him days to see our youngest but, all I have gotten is screaming and shouting in front of my children. He will not compromise and won’t give me chance to express enough milk so he will have enough when he has him for a bit.
Another thing is that I do not really fully trust him with my youngest. He won’t sterilise bottles or dummys, when he gave him a dirty dummy in front of me and I told him he can’t give it to him as it could make him poorly he responded by swearing and shouting at me. He once gave him dirty milk because once again he wouldn’t listen. These may seem like small things to some people but, I’m not willing to put my baby’s health at risk!

OP posts:
Original poster
Notlong2go · 24/03/2021 23:48

@HamFisted that may work tbh but, I also don’t have total faith in the police to locate him and bring him back straight away. Plus I don’t know what he will do to retaliate, tbh I do worry about what his next moves will be as he has no respect for anybody and definitely not the law.

OP posts:
AntiSocialDistancer · 24/03/2021 23:49

If he's working tonight can you travel over with a family member and appeal to the women in the home? Film everything.

Your son is 19 months old and will have no lasting memory of a verbal scrap if you need to get him back. Especially if he's sleeping. I'm not saying you should do that - I'm saying if you were incapable of restraining yourself (as I would be) your son would be mentally ok.

CirqueDeMorgue · 24/03/2021 23:51

Awful, awful bastard to keep a little boy away from his mum and sibling. It's spiteful as hell and not exactly showing that he has his son's best interests at heart. You've already had the right advice, I've been in this exact situation and an emergency court order was successful. Good luck. Flowers

HamFisted · 24/03/2021 23:55

[quote Notlong2go]@HamFisted that may work tbh but, I also don’t have total faith in the police to locate him and bring him back straight away. Plus I don’t know what he will do to retaliate, tbh I do worry about what his next moves will be as he has no respect for anybody and definitely not the law.[/quote]
What could he do that's worse than withholding your child? I've seen cases on here where the ex has withheld the kid for so long that, by the time a court hearing came around, the court decided that the dad was now the primary care giver.

You've got to get the kid back, pronto. I think women tend to play by the rules and try not to upset the other party with this sort of thing and they often seem to end up getting shafted as a result. I hope you get your toddler back tomorrow.

Original poster
Notlong2go · 24/03/2021 23:55

@AntiSocialDistancer if he isn’t home tomorrow and I can’t get an emergency order then I will do that

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 25/03/2021 00:02

So awful op Thanks

ScrollingLeaves · 25/03/2021 00:03

It really might help to post this on the legal section in case an expert can answer.

He does not have PR for the 4 month old anyway so has no right to demand he stay with him. Also he is a tiny bf baby who should not be away from his mother/ main carer.

He has kept your 19mth old beyond your agreed time, and against child’s best interest, to blackmail you. This is also surely coercive control.

You need expert help urgently.

AcrossthePond55 · 25/03/2021 00:05

If he is NOT in the house and the child is in the care of his Nan I believe you can go (with the police) and demand the child. HE may have parental responsibility, but his Nan does not. Her telling the police that he said she was to keep the child doesn't mean jack shit.

If you decide to do this, don't go alone. And I wouldn't try it if I couldn't get a police officer to accompany me as she'll probably refuse to open the door to other than a cop.

SionnachGlic · 25/03/2021 00:10

OP,
Get in front of a Judge in Family Court as soon as you can, you don't need a solicitor to explain what occurred & his refusal to return DS home. Def go to Court offices tmrw & explain how urgent ot is & concerned you are. Did police offer every to carry out a home visit & check Ex is there with child. If not, ask again. But get to Court Offices at 9AM tmrw.