Ex is refusing to bring 19 month old son home!

[Notlong2go]

I posted a thread yesterday about how my ex is demanding to have our 4 and a half month old every weekend which I won’t agree to.
Today he picked up our 19 month old like usual and then later called me to tell me I won’t be getting him back until I take him to court or let him see our youngest.

So I have never refused to let him see any of the children but, I just don’t want him having our youngest overnight at this young age, especially when he has never spent any time alone with him.
He told me last night he was going to pick both children up and I told him it wouldn’t be possible to have my baby today and we would have to arrange something but, because of this he has said I am stopping him seeing his son so now refuses to bring our older son home!

This has made me even more certain I don’t trust him to take my baby away from my home alone!!

I hope he doesn't try to keep him again to get you to do what he wants.
I wouldn't hand over anything to him. He sounds like hell tbh. So sorry you have to. Go through this. Do your family support you? Is there anyone you can take with you whenever you have to meet him for hand overs?
Very good keeping a record of everything. I hope the court hearing comes ASAP. He won't like adhering to the rules of a court I can imagine as he won't be able to try to control you with his demands. So fingers crossed that happens fast for you.

Keeping everything crossed for you 💐

Good luck OP, I think the system has treated you appallingly.

Tbh I think he’s just going on about wanting the birth certificates to take our older son abroad just as something else to go on about. He is just trying whatever he can to try and get to me.

Have you updated CMS that he has failed to pay CMS?

At least it all gets backdated to the date you opened the claim with them.

Just don’t reply to anything. Get your solicitor to file a prohibited steps order. Show them the message that says he wants to apply for passports as it shows intention to remove from the country. You just have to keep going and file everything you can against him. This is all because of jealousy that you have another partner. He’s disgusting. You’re entitled to see who you want

You poor thing having to deal with this utter arse hole. I hope you get the non molestation order and the court takes into account his abusive behaviour

Hard but just rise above it.

@RandomMess yes I have and because we were doing it through direct pay I requested to change it to the collect and pay but still nothing.
@stoopider yes I’m keeping a record of everything and hopefully if I get this non molestation then he won’t be able to contact me.

It is honestly just control and jealousy because he hasn’t been interested before he found out about my new partner. Now he’s literally throwing whatever he can at me.

OP - SS are victim blaming you.

BSAW today just released new guidance on how The SS should be handling DV/A which includes NOT victim blaming. How dare they suggest that you must remain single to please your ex so he doesn’t kick if. How very dare they blaming you for his actions

www.basw.co.uk/system/files/resources/basw_england_domestic_abuse_guidance_april_2021.pdf

I wish you much luck with court - be prepared for lots of projection, triangulation and abuse by proxy (manipulating the SS is a favourite an sadly not all SWs see through it)

@LaLaLandIsNoFun thank you, I’ll have a read into that. Tbh I have just felt so let down with all the authorities.

I’m afraid I’m not in the least bit surprised. They let people down, they fail to appropriately assess and support and then finger point if crisis point is reached. It’s despicable.

@LaLaLandIsNoFun yes exactly. I’ve said before I think but, I genuinely feel for these people who need to flee from DV and have no family or support, and then to be treated the way I have now myself been treated by the police and SS. Thank god I have a good family network because it is really difficult and exhausting.

OP do you have passports for your kids, I'd recommend doing this before your Ex does. Honestly, keep control.

OP, I've been following your thread and just to say I hope you got your non molestation order through yesterday 🤞

@fistasledge I got the dates wrong and it was today but...I got it!! I was so happy that he accepted it and it didn’t have to drag on! Honestly it is such a relief that it’s been granted.

Fantastic news!

Hurrah!

That’s great news well done 💐

Amazing news! So happy for you. One small step!

Bloody marvellous. Well done OP.

[quote Notlong2go]@fistasledge I got the dates wrong and it was today but...I got it!! I was so happy that he accepted it and it didn’t have to drag on! Honestly it is such a relief that it’s been granted.[/quote]
OMG OP I was just thinking about you and the children!!

Wonderful news for you all 🤗

just fantastic 🌸

Thank you everybody 😁 it’s a huge relief and it should make life a lot easier. Now just to wait for the child arrangement hearing next month and all shall be sorted!

Wonderful update

Will update again once child custody hearing has taken place.