Ex is refusing to bring 19 month old son home!

[Notlong2go]

I posted a thread yesterday about how my ex is demanding to have our 4 and a half month old every weekend which I won’t agree to.
Today he picked up our 19 month old like usual and then later called me to tell me I won’t be getting him back until I take him to court or let him see our youngest.

So I have never refused to let him see any of the children but, I just don’t want him having our youngest overnight at this young age, especially when he has never spent any time alone with him.
He told me last night he was going to pick both children up and I told him it wouldn’t be possible to have my baby today and we would have to arrange something but, because of this he has said I am stopping him seeing his son so now refuses to bring our older son home!

This has made me even more certain I don’t trust him to take my baby away from my home alone!!

Also, I'm sure you already know but keep every single message. No one is going to agree that it's reasonable for a 4mo breastfed baby to be away from his mum overnight on a regular basis so he will look like a stupid dick for demanding it.

Good luck op x

Wait so he’s not actually physically present at the home with your son? So you go over there and call the police. I wouldn’t even bother knocking in case they call the dad. Simply say these people who have no parental responsibility are refusing to hand over your child. Other family members have no parental responsibility and therefore you have every right to take your son back!

Also be very careful with what you write to him in text messages. If you have something from him written that he is withholding your child because you won’t give him your new born. Hold on to it for your lawyers!

You definitely need to get a court order that clearly states that you are the custodial parent, and that the ex is allowed specific visiting times and dates. Also, when you go to court, make sure that your solicitor makes the court aware that this man has held your son hostage in order to gain access to the other child. Request supervised visitation. This means that an officer of the court or a social worker (usually this) will be present when he visits the children. You have a valid fear that this man will take your children and leave with them

No one is going to let an absent father have a baby overnight, and him kidnapping your eldest to get your baby isn’t going to show him in a good light. Write down everything and be at the court at 9am ready to get that hearing.
Hopefully your son will be a handful as he wants to come home and the grandmother won’t want to look after him and they’ll soon return him. As he stayed at his dads overnight before?

Call the police, you have custody, he doesn’t. This is kidnapping if he threatened not to bring your child back. Document this if you are allowed to

I am so sorry this is happening, this must be incredibly distressing for you.
I wonder what possibly made him think you'd somehow suddenly trust him to have your youngest overnight by basically holding your other child hostage until you give into his demands. He sounds like a child!
This won't look good on him by any stretch, to practically kidnap a child to get his way. If anything it shows he definitely should not be trusted to take care of these children if he would use one to get his own way. How on earth does his mind work?

Definitely get to court with him. He's proved to you he's not a good dad to use his son in that way. You've done good to not go round and kick off, most of us would have found that impossible but you've done the right thing, it would likely have resulted in the police called and escalating everything. Keep calling and asking how your son is, continue asking for him back but don't argue. Try and record a conversation where he makes these demands.
I hope you get your child back soon!

[quote Notlong2go]@MintyMabel they cannot do anything as he’s on BC but will do a welfare check.

@EasterIssland my youngest son is BF yes.

@Sweettea1 I have not got a problem with him seeing his children, I do believe it’s beneficial for children to have their father in their lives but, he is withholding my son from me and even himself admitted he knows it’s not good for his mental and emotional wellbeing yet is still doing it.
Also I said I would arrange with him days to see our youngest but, all I have gotten is screaming and shouting in front of my children. He will not compromise and won’t give me chance to express enough milk so he will have enough when he has him for a bit.
Another thing is that I do not really fully trust him with my youngest. He won’t sterilise bottles or dummys, when he gave him a dirty dummy in front of me and I told him he can’t give it to him as it could make him poorly he responded by swearing and shouting at me. He once gave him dirty milk because once again he wouldn’t listen. These may seem like small things to some people but, I’m not willing to put my baby’s health at risk![/quote]
Perhaps as your baby is ebf he has started to bottle refuse.

Sorry but you’re withholding contact from him and are shocked he’s doing the same?

@Hatethepatriarchy

Sorry but you’re withholding contact from him and are shocked he’s doing the same?

I can't see anywhere that contact is being withheld in terms of the original poster's actions. The baby is only 4 months old and breastfed.

@Hatethepatriarchy

Sorry but you’re withholding contact from him and are shocked he’s doing the same?

there was no withholding of contact 🤔

Call the police again. Ask them to come over and help you do a handover as you are scared for your safety. Tell him you'll hand baby over. When he gets there (while the police are with you) suddenly remember he isn't actually your babies father, take both children and close the door. Never allow him access again until he takes you to court because he can't be trusted, pays no maintenance and is volitile.

I don't know if that would work but in all honesty I'd lie, cheat and fuck over anyone I could if it meant getting my baby back.

I'd he isn't actually with his dad, and in the care of another relative, can you ask for a police welfare check? If dad was there, they may be less interested, but your son is currently with someone who has no parental rights for him at all, if dad is working, so that may bump up their concern? I'm sorry this is happening, and hope your son is returned soon.

Call the police again and tell them he made a threat to kidnap your child

Call this number:

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Although a court ordered visitation schedule is not a safeguard against abuse, you do have the right once you have a court order in place to file a motion for contempt of court against your ex if he defies the order in any way. You can do it the first time he steps over the line but it's best to document a few instances. If found in contempt he can be sent to jail, fined, or both. (I say you but a solicitor would probably be the best way to go about this).

Don't take Marshmallow's advice.

The police would not appreciate a stunt like that and the OP may need them one day.

This is not kidnapping. There is no court order. As far as the law is concerned as of today, the child is at his father's house by mutual consent of father and mother.

It is abusive toward the OP and abusive toward the child but sadly abuse against women and children isn't high on the list of police priorities.

Agree with advice to go to the court on Monday. At the very least, you will get advice from the clerk's office staff on how to file an emergency motion to order your ex to return your son.

What an arsehole.

Hope you get it sorted tomorrow OP.

Hi OP

If you do end up having to represent yourself in court, I recommend getting in touch with this charity for help as they can help guide you through court procedures and some of the admin. They can’t provide legal advice. Good luck.

www.supportthroughcourt.org/contact-us/

@Hatethepatriarchy

Sorry but you’re withholding contact from him and are shocked he’s doing the same?

Wereis OP withholding contact?

She has said that she is happy to facilitate her ex having contact with the baby - just not overnight. This is a very young child and is fully b/f. It wouldn't be in the baby's interest, even if her ex was the best father in the world (SPOLIER ALERT: He isn't!) to let him stay with his dad overnight.

No caring father would even suggest an overnight visit in these circumstances.

You can't refuse him one child but allow him to spend time with the other. He is probably just very frustrated atm. You both need to get the Judge to put contact orders in place.

Two sides to every story and we don't know the dads side .

@mummylovesthesunshine

You can't refuse him one child but allow him to spend time with the other. He is probably just very frustrated atm. You both need to get the Judge to put contact orders in place.

Two sides to every story and we don't know the dads side

Are you deliberately misunderstanding?

No-one has refused the ex contact with either child - it is just that the baby - the BABY - is too young to stay with him overnight, so he is using the older child as a hostage to get his own way.

Are you his grand-mother or something? Because I can't see any world where it would be considered good for a fully breastfed, very young and vulnerable infant to be kept away from its source of comfort and nourishment for more than about 4 hours?

Op

You need to be incredibly proactive
You need to come down very very hard on this and do everything formally and legally
Your children are very young. This will happen over and over again if you don’t put your stake in the ground. Now. And that needs to be backed up legally.