Dating Thread 201: Get out from under your 3 month wonder and widen your areas

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Sounds like the best thing to end it fantastic it's horrible being at that stage and being pleased when they aren't there. You should be excited to hear from them / see them or no point is there.

uttersocks your comment about the gym being full of 3 month wonders made me laugh. I used to go to the gym, but no men there - just me most of the time.

Just catching up, but getting worried I'm one of those irons GaraMed... I currently don't fancy Mr Music and I know he fancies me. I work full time and live with my kids and their DF so meeting up is tricky, which I've explained. I've said let's keep chatting on the phone - my thinking is that if we can get closer while getting to know each other I might feel differently when I see him again. But I'm not instigating a lot because I'm so unsure about the whole thing. All I've said is I'd like to see him again - which is true - and until we can, I'd like to keep chatting. I'm not lying but I'm not sure if I'm stringing him along...

@ThisTooShallBeFantastic you don't sound callous, just matter of fact. I wish I could be more self reliant sometimes like you and @SortingItOut. It's just that I have been utterly alone in any real sense (got my kids, got tons of friends but nobody I'd say ever really had my back) for years due to my vile marriage and lack of family and I have an idealised concept of what a good relationship should be - even though I know it is only me who can make me happy etc. And I do a lot of the time when not messing with idiots.

You put me in mind of something I saw on Instagram the other day which said "I don't think I'll ever be ready for marriage - imagine getting home after a long day and someone starts talking to you?" 😂😂😂 Made me laugh!

@bangheadhere40 I think most of the men in my gym are actually criminals! Which would be handy if I wanted to buy drugs or rob a van, not so much when looking for a partner...

I had a date lined up with the fit cyclist guy but had second thoughts and cancelled. A couple of reasons being he worked full time but then weekends he was either cycling or running. Couldn't see how he would fit in a relationship. I'd ideally like someone who has afternoons off as I work mornings,or someone local that I can pop in for a cuppa as have my son full time now( his dad picks him up and takes him to town for a burger at the weekend then drips him off). I explained to cycling guy my reasons,then he vanished off tinder so must have blocked me.
Off to do village churchyard weeding on Saturday in joggers and fleece so will hardly pull any volunteers but you never know 😄

Haha exactly @havecourage8bekind, thats the place for them if thats the kind of fella you like! They literally HAVE to go there!! You would definitely see the same faces, get to know them a but, bit of banter at the till! I think it would be my perfect job 😂

Hmm not sure @VanGoghsDog as you dont know who’s going to turn up - then you have to have their smelly feet trampling through your home 😟 or jacket in your case!

I think any all-consuming hobby - be it golf, sailing, running, fishing, cycling...... - is incompatible with a new relationship if you work as well (fine if you don't work). And probably why they are not in one.

Been talking to my current iron For a couple weeks, very much on & off..think I friend zoned him at first to be honest but he's growing on me! 24 hours no messages - would've been fine with this before when I wasnt interested, but feel like it's driving me mad now? Why? Do I message first or do I wait and see how long he'd be happy to go? Not even naming this iron because they always fizzle out lol!!

have courage if you've friend zoned him he might not want to be too pushy. Just message him and see his response 🙂

Ive definitely learned a lesson from this thread recently (@cravingthelook thank you 😬) not to name any irons too soon! Its so right though!

@havecourage8bekind agree whole heartedly with @bangheadhere40 just message. I've learnt the worst that can happens is they blow you off, and they'd have done that regardless.

I've messaged - I promised myself I wouldn't as I kinda wanted to see if and when he would make first contact again. Feels like that's slightly playing a game though? Message sent, now we wait

Ok so he replied within minutes and said "hey! Was about to message you!" eeee..promise I'm not writing a list of our baby names now

@havecourage8bekind always message, always just be you. Life is too short. I think if they like you you can’t really put them off by being you (obv completely insane behaviour not withstanding)

😁😁😁😁 great result!

See .... told you

Thanks love the advice about always being yourself & if they like you for you, they won't be scared away! Love this thread

@havecourage8bekind I would see how the messaging goes and if it's always you messaging first before you hear from him. You want him to initiate contact aswell. Waiting to see if he texts you first isn't game playing. It's seeing if he is interested enough to make the first contact some days.
I hate to be the one who says this but it's very easy to reply with I was just about to message you. If he actually means it is entirely different.

Hello all,

Didn't realise we'd gone over to a new thread!

I am chatting to a new guy on Tinder. Let's call him Mr. Good cook (mr GC for short)

He seems really lovely.

IIs it wrong of me not to have told him about my disability? I'm not keeping it from him, but we've been so busy talking about other things, and there hasn't been a good time in which to bring it up.

@dancerinthemoonlight definitely agree with everything you say! To be fair, usually it is him that starts the conversations but because I'd friend zoned him in my head I didn't care much anyway. Also agree with what you said about the 'was about to message you' it's nice to hear but I'll take it with a pinch of salt :)

I'm close to going back online but talk me out of it!

Hi onwards not sure what your disability is ( obviously) but I don't think there's any need to mention anything at the moment. If you are getting on and nothing has come up then no it's not important.

You are getting to know each other and just take it as it is 🙂 i wouldn't be put off if a guy told me he had a disability and if you do and he is he's not worth it anyway.

@bangheadhere40

Hi onwards not sure what your disability is ( obviously) but I don't think there's any need to mention anything at the moment. If you are getting on and nothing has come up then no it's not important.

You are getting to know each other and just take it as it is 🙂 i wouldn't be put off if a guy told me he had a disability and if you do and he is he's not worth it anyway.

Thank you @bangheadhere40. I suffer from cerebral palsy. (Not in a wheelchair or anything,) We're just going with the flow at the moment, but I was just wondering whether it was right or wrong to mention it.

For context, Mr GC is a teacher, so I don't think
he'll have a problem with it.

I don't think it will make a difference tbh if he's genuine and likes you. I would probably mention it if the time felt right to, nothing to be ashamed of, just something that makes you you.

I mean they flake anyway, if he's a decent guy I don't think it will make any difference at all.

Hows the chat going @havecourage8bekind?

Nothing from the iron i messaged but he hates pof and told me before he rarely looks at it.