Dating Thread 201: Get out from under your 3 month wonder and widen your areas

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Just checking in with the new thread.

Things going well with MrPosh - I really like him and he's very easy to talk to, but he still doesn't flirt AT ALL, It's been 3 months of messaging/video calls and nothing?! Hopefully we can meet up in a few weeks and I can see if there is that elusive "spark".

Your talk of unhygienic irons reminded me of one of the reasons I gave up on MrBlokeyBanter last year - he smelt of BO every time we met, I gave him the benefit of the doubt at first as it was the summer, then he turned up to a nice evening dinner date in a fancy bar in the city in cargo shorts, trainers and a ratty old fleece still stinking of BO I realised he just couldn't be bothered to make an effort.

@SpringlikeBunk yeah it would be motorway driving which i dont like.. would be a big hassle.. i have no motivation....
Did you mr canal get back to you? Hope his reply was better than non-plussed if so ☺️

How awful someone turning up to a date stinking of B.O. that would make my stomach turn!

@Shayelle2009

No reply though it showed as read when I sent it at lunch .

I won’t overthink it though - just see if he gets back to me as it didn’t really need an immediate reply.

He was lovely and the kind of person I’d like to stay connected with even loosely with no romance - we had very similar interests and values which is rare for me.

It’s the Working out of home vs Working from home messaging disconnect again

Well I hope he does pop up as its just nice to make a new friend sometimes isnt it? Have a nice couple of hours walking and talking ☺️

@newnamenora

That’s good going staying in touch this long

I haven’t really heard anything from my iron MrPM but might be in his city anyway for staycation as soon as lockdown lifts so will give him a shout then.

Just checking in, met a friend for a seven and a half mile walk, she gave me a pot plant for Easter.

Love the title - just marking my spot 😊

Arf at MrBlokeyBanter

It cracks me up when I give people another chance and then they get EVEN worse.

I went on a first meet with someone from match.com so well over a decade ago and he was a little bit “alternative looking” on his profile and at the first meet (long hair and beard).

But overall he seemed like a nice intelligent quirky guy, I thought he was into things like the environment and yurts and camping festivals which I was interested in exploring.

And he was wearing quite plain dark clothing so overall he seemed presentable enough in a sort of Aragorn way.

Next meet - he was wearing big fluffy moon boot Ugg things and brightly coloured mismatched clothing.

I tried to be the bigger person as I had low confidence get over wanting to die of shame so continued the date.

We ended up at his place which he’d talked up as a nice environment with a log fire and it was just like a standard grubby apartment with a touch of hoarder with piles of crap.

He turned out to be sort of paranoid conspiracy theorist hippy rather than environmental chilled hippy.

Also he subtly offered me money to date him A sort of lunatic sugar daddy situation.

(Dear readers, I did not marry him).

Ooh, MrCanal responded with a very clear and enthusiastic and positive email saying his schedule he’s just come back from an evening/night shift etc

I’ll reply tomorrow or day after

This topic has been discussed but I’m definitely on the “too used to love bomber or desperate or weird styles of communication so don’t know what nice normal reliable feels like” bench

MrC definitely was really good for me in just 100% doing and saying what he said he would and making every date very, very easy in terms of organising and transport

(I did stuff for him as well and consider myself very reliable so wasn’t all one-sided).

@SpringlikeBunk laughing out loud at your lunatic sugar daddy situation 😂
I've got a nice fwb set up potential for the summer. We're completely unsuitable but attracted to each other so hopefully fun and no hurt feelings!

@WingingItAtLife

Tbf, he hasn't mentioned coming over again while the kids are here.... And I think with hindsight, he never did seriously ask to when they're here... It was more... 'wish I could' sort of thing. Still doesn't make sense to me why he couldn't make any time for me the last few times I've been child free but it is what it is.

We're still in touch, at least for now. But I'm not expecting much tbh. If it's true that he's been too busy for whatever reason then he'll find a way to make time for me if he really wants to.

Just catching up on the thread... this is how it's going for me too atm. Makes plans to come, then doesn't. Reasons are always something that I'd be a bitch to complain about 🤦‍♀️. He dropped the L bomb early on and now I'm wondering if that was some sort of play so I'm exclusive with him 🤷‍♀️. My circumstances mean he has to come to mine when my kids are in bed, so nothing I can do but sit and wait - last seen at the start of March 😰. Don't mean to be vulgar but I've quite a high sex drive when I'm into someone and I knocked my FWB on the head for him but now I'm regretting it as I'm climbing the walls here! I think the 60 day thing is a good idea but does it count if you've not seen each other half the time 🤔

@SpringlikeBunk 🤣🤣🤣 for the Ugg boots and kudos for your staying power while he was wearing them!

@frankiefirstyear
I hate the making plans then cancelling! I'd rather him just be honest and say.... I'm too busy for the next X weeks with work and helping my mum.

Yes Mr Green was all about telling me how he felt after the first time we met.... We clicked! It wasn't awkward at all and felt like we'd known each other for ages.... So comfortable. No effort at all.
And now.... The messages are the same (chatty, slightly flirty) but we can't seem to actually get together.

How long have you and your iron been meeting? Isn't he the one who wanted to tell his kids? X x

@WingingItAtLife yes that's him, he's done a bit of a U turn on that though, which is a bit disheartening because if the kids knew then the opportunity to see each other should increase. Basically the actions don't marry up with what he's saying. I don't know what to think about it all tbh. I've been really hurt by lies in the past so I am aware it could happen again (despite me being sure I'm being told the truth at the time!) so I try to take everything I hear with a pinch of salt but equally I don't want to ruin it by being disingenuous.

@WingingItAtLife first date was early feb, been messaging for 6 months prior and known each other through work (rare actual face to face contact though) for 8 years

@frankiefirstyear it sucks doesnt it.
Mr Green is exactly like that.... Done a bit of a U turn on how he is... I wonder if he was love bombing in the beginning.

Oh and yes, his actions don't marry up to his words either!
He got excited at the thought of the lockdown restrictions easing because it meant we could go further a field... Then he cancelled our next 'date'

First date was early Feb for us too but we've only been messaging since January.
I don't know either tbh, it's good that the kids weren't told because now you'd have to explain to them too..... Ugh I don't have the energy for dating 😂

My logic head tells me he's not used to the oxytocin so wasn't exactly love bombing (which is a toxic behaviour as I understand it?) and maybe now he's come back down to Earth he's backing off in a cowardly way rather than just saying 'sorry I was swept up in the moment' etc but he says every day he loves me and I'm thinking HOW?? I've given him plenty of get out of jail free cards too so not like he couldn't have used one to back out of his declarations 🤷‍♀️ it's spoiled it a bit because it used to be hilarious but now I feel a bit meh about the whole thing!

Great title @cravingthelook and thanks for the new thread.

A bit like air freshener, because Febreze is used to cover up bad smells it makes me feel as ick as BO etc does. Soap, shampoo, deodorant, Old Spice all do it for me. Mmmm

Yes @frankiefirstyear I feel the same. I don't think Mr Green has been malicious about anything, just got carried away with things when we clicked and chatted so freely.
I've also given him a few opportunities to say sorry it's not working for me, but he maintains he is interested, just busy.

I agree with your last statement too, it's put a dampener on things, we had a lot of banter and laughs but now I also feel a bit meh!

I've decided to carry on with the conversations... At his pace and not get too excited. He text me this morning just to say good morning and that he'd watched a good movie last night. So I've replied and kept it friendly.

BO is awful!! The last few years, my ex smelled of BO cz he couldn't be arsed to shower. He also had filthy nails!!!

I like the man smell..... I can't describe it but I know what I mean lol
I don't like over strong after shave, just enough lol

@ThisTooShallBeFantastic, are you waiting for the right moment to say something to Mr GN? Is he still staying with you? It's difficult isn't it to find the right moment and you know he will be hurt so not something that is easy when you have cared for someone. I knew for a long time things were not right with my last ex but we soldiered on because both had family bereavements in the background and a big part of me wanted it to work with him. But ultimately it was who he was as a person and no matter how many times I tried to explain that his manner with my older DD was unacceptable he never changed or stepped back to address it. So in the end there was of course no choice to be made.
@frankiefirstyear and @WingingItAtLife, I think the 60 days option is a sound idea and you both seem pretty in tune with your feelings and needs . As a complete outsider and knowing nothing about either of their personalities or exact circumstances it does make me wonder though why it is so difficult to find time in their busy lives and commitments to fit you in ? Everyone likes to feel a bit of a priority in a relationship otherwise they risk losing you.

@WingingItAtLife nice to have good company here but sorry you're going through the same state of affairs

@Onesmallstep67
What is the 60 days option? Is it just seeing how it goes for 60 days and re-evaluate then?

Yes I struggle with understanding why I can't be fitted in somewhere.... He works a lot... He worked 20 days in a row, in a physically demanding outdoors job. So I understood when he was exhausted. Then he helped his mate to do some garden clearance and fill a skip, them he was building a fence for his mum. All very physically demanding and tiring stuff. But right now I don't really feel like a priority... Is it cz he thinks he's already got me maybe? I don't know.

Yes @frankiefirstyear it's nice to know I'm not the only one but I'm sorry you're potentially being messed around too

Hey everyone! Love the new title! I'm sure this thread keeps me sane even when I don't have any irons