New man keeps mentioning sex...

[hellocheese]

I've just started seeing someone new a few weeks ago, from online, we both live alone so have formed a 'bubble' of sorts. We've been seeing each other around 3 times per week. The dates have range from going on walks, dinner together, watching movies, getting a take out etc. I've really enjoyed his company and he says the same. We took things at a nice pace, kissing on a few dates which eventually built up to sex last week. The sex was amazing, sparks flying etc. and both said we really enjoyed ourselves!

Since then though, he has brought up something sex related everyday in text messaging... things like, 'I can't wait to do x again', 'I want to do x, y and z with you', 'I'd love you to sleep over next time to wake up with you'. We are still having normal conversations everyday about regular life, but he has brought sex up everyday in some form since. He's a real gent in person and hasn't pushed/pressured/made me feel uncomfortable at all. And the sex was pretty amazing! I am not sure if I am just being overly sensitive because I have been in abusive relationships in the past, or if this is a red flag?

In isolation, what you describe sounds more like the first flush of infatuation than a red flag to me, unless it's making you uncomfortable and you've told him that. If so, it's definitely a red flag.

Yes, I do get the impression he is a bit smitten!

If you’re not responding to it or reciprocating, then I’d expect him to start taking the hint after a week of it and stop the sex chat.

Sounds pretty normal to me. He's probably not had much sex lately if he's been single for a while and following "the rules", and now you've slept together and unbottled the genie he's super horny.

Doesn't sound especially 'smutty'

More keenness than anything else.

Do you feel the same?

Unless you have indicated you don't like it and he has ignored you, I don't see anything wrong with it. You've had sex, which was successful.... why shouldn't he express desire for you? If he hadn't mentioned sex since, would you be worrying he hadn't liked it?

Just tell him if you don't want to hear sex talk - but no I don't see this as a flag....

I would say it sounds like he is infatuated and having been celibate for a while he is excited about your relationship.

If you told him to cool it a bit and he didn't then I would say that was a red flag.

Enjoy your new relationship

that sounds pretty normal and flattering to me a week in. unless you have a real thing about sexting (in which case tell him) I'd find this fine, and nice.

I really do like him, and very keen for the sex to happen again!

I'm just a bit worried he's only 'after one thing'. I've met so many men online who have ghosted after sex, so I might be projecting my past onto this new man.

It's not particularly smutty, things like 'I really enjoyed doing (insert sexual activity here) and can't wait to do that again!'

I’m with you on this one I would be worried he was just after sex

Talk to him! Tell him as much as you enjoyed sleeping with him, however, him mentioning it in every conversation is annoying and makes you less inclined to doing it again.

Now is the time to have those conversation that you find awkward. He could be too eager or a sex pest, you won’t know until you talk and listen.

You say you're chatting about other stuff too, and he's still contacting you and would like a repeat. So no sign of distancing or ghosting since, in fact the reverse, he's more enthused than ever. Not something to worry about. If sexting makes you uncomfortable, just ignore it when he refers to it, or send a and no more, just to let him know you'd like to, but don't necessarily feel a need to discuss it.

Speak to him about this. It's the only way

Just tell him to pack it in.

If he was just after sex he either wouldn’t have bothered with all the dates beforehand or he would have ghosted you after it rather than looking forward to it again. As an adult, sex is an important part of a relationship and the fact that he’s keen to do it again is a good sign.

He sounds keen and what's you to know that. If you don't like it, talk to him, as he's not a mind reader.

I think this sounds completely normal and very understandable when you like someone a lot - especially as you say he is lovely in every way.

I would only consider it to be an issue if sex was ALL he talked about when messaging but you say he talks about the day to day stuff as well.

So it does sound like an over reaction on your part to be honest.

If this is looking like it could be a serious relationship and you both feel the same way then try not to spoil it based on past negative experiences. Remember, everyone is different and you have described him in a really positive way!

I may be old fashioned, but I think sex should be done/lived and not talked about, unless a "problem" needs to be solved, or a need made clear.
I would be put off by over eager men.

Sounds totally normal to me.

But if you don’t like sex texts ignore them - and if that doesn’t work next time you are together just tell him that while you want to fuck his brains out, you are just not into sexting

@pokske
If you're having sex with someone and sharing bodily fluids, you should be able to talk about it with them.

Hi a man's viewpoint here he maybe leading upto / a pre cursor asking you for dirty pics and vids next

You could tell him you prefer to discuss intimate personal matters - not just sex but including sex - in person - phone / face to face.

I mean whispering passionate words down the phone is got to be much nicer than a bald bit of text, actual embraces much better (and harder to spread over the internet by accident or otherwise!) than pictures.

I know people have said he seems keen, and it's been nice to be desired, I am thinking this is definitely a red flag... I'm meant to be seeing him tonight and to be honest I am now put off going. Conversation has gone like this:

• Morning text from him, then expressing how he's horny as he had a dream about me last night!
• Some normal chat about what we were going to do with our days (working, going on walks).

-Then mentioned I was having a bath when I got in from work, to which point he said he'd like to shower with me later, and have sex before giving me a massage. -I then said I am more of a 'let's see how it goes in person and how we feel', than discussing it, to which point he says 'he is usually like that but thinking about me makes his day go quicker!' I said 'it's nice to be desired' and he said 'I definitely desire you a lot, can you wear a skirt tonight?!'

I've now left him on read and I am unsure whether or not I actually want to go and see him at all.

I haven't dated anyone in a while and I have had emotional abuse in the past, so I might be being extra sensitive. He is lovely and attentive, kind, intermingled with all of this e.g. asking what I want for dinner... and he's nothing like a sex pest in person!

To be honest it's just all a bit much for me... is this usual for men?

I would personally be put off by "can you wear a skirt tonight" as it feels a bit objectifying.
but then I had an ex who I realised eventually was just getting me to play out what he'd seen in porn, so maybe I'm oversensitive.
I would say though trust your instincts; would you be posting about it if you felt ok about it?

It may be useful to see how he reacts if you don't go along with everything he says.

@StellaAndCrow

Yes the skirt comment is what put me off and why I've left him on read... really don't know if I want to go over tonight or not. As I said, he's not pushy or talks like this in person, I'm tempted to go over and talk to him face-to-face and explain that I don't enjoy it.