New man keeps mentioning sex...

[hellocheese]

I've just started seeing someone new a few weeks ago, from online, we both live alone so have formed a 'bubble' of sorts. We've been seeing each other around 3 times per week. The dates have range from going on walks, dinner together, watching movies, getting a take out etc. I've really enjoyed his company and he says the same. We took things at a nice pace, kissing on a few dates which eventually built up to sex last week. The sex was amazing, sparks flying etc. and both said we really enjoyed ourselves!

Since then though, he has brought up something sex related everyday in text messaging... things like, 'I can't wait to do x again', 'I want to do x, y and z with you', 'I'd love you to sleep over next time to wake up with you'. We are still having normal conversations everyday about regular life, but he has brought sex up everyday in some form since. He's a real gent in person and hasn't pushed/pressured/made me feel uncomfortable at all. And the sex was pretty amazing! I am not sure if I am just being overly sensitive because I have been in abusive relationships in the past, or if this is a red flag?

He sounds a bit OTT to me, I would find him off putting. Maybe have a very frank conversation, if he doesn’t change then bin him, however great he is in other ways.

@Custardcream67

I don’t think it’s a red flag as long as you feel he likes other things about you? Saying he wants to sleep over to wake up with you is sweet I think. He might just want to closeness to you.

Such a low bar.

I'm really surprised, but maybe not that surprised, how many women are saying easy on him like he's a child. Poor guy and his sex obsessed talk......
Tell him straight.. and see how he reacts.
Tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable. If he's a decent guy, he'll tone it down

Ew.

I'd be massively put off. Especially coming from someone I'd only known for a few weeks.

Trust your gut.

OP what happened?

Interesting spilt on this thread prob down to previous experiences.

I'm definitely in the he's rather smitten camp :)

Ask him to stop and if he does good and if he doesn't well then you know.

[quote LoveIsAllThereIs]@silenceisgolden20 Yes I'm serious. She'll miss the fun of a new romance is what I mean. She likes many other things about him, this is just a miscommunication style. There's no need to block as people have suggested. That's just childish. Why can't people just have a conversation, set some boundaries and then carry on enjoying the majority that is good about it?[/quote]
Because that would be behaving like a sensible, mature adult, rather than an immature teenager whining about ‘ick’.

@NiceGerbil

OP what happened?

Interesting spilt on this thread prob down to previous experiences.

I'm definitely in the he's rather smitten camp :)

Ask him to stop and if he does good and if he doesn't well then you know.

No it's due to not having a low bar or deciding to just not entertain people who don't believe as adults at the outset.

And so it's her job to ask him to stop rather than his having asked her first if she liked sexy talk, dirty texts and the like .

Because that would be behaving like a sensible, mature adult, rather than an immature teenager whining about ‘ick’.

Whining? Because something made her uncomfortable and he didn't bother to ask her first what her preferences are, like, you know, a sensible mature adult .

To me, smitten would manifest itself in him making comments about how much he's looking forward to spending time with you etc rather than steering every conversation back to sex. It just feels cheap to me, but I get that other people seem to like it.

Ick.

This isn't 'sex talk' I'm fine with actual
sex talk. Steamy texts etc

But this, this is like something from a horny 15 year old

As for 'wear a skirt'. Get to fuck.

Vastly different from 'I love your short red skirt, I'd love it you were wearing that tonight'

But a blunt ' wear a skirt' is just ick

As is telling you what he's going to do to you tonight on potentially the second time you've had sex with him. It's about what he wants, how he wants it & nothing to do with what you want or how the evening progresses, just assuming you'll do as he wishes & taking for granted you'll have sex with him.
Ick ick.

He sounds nice, but very keen, and has got ahead of himself.

Maybe he had a very needy girlfriend in the past who expected ego boosting texts five times a day in order to be happy, so this is just what he does.

I would just tell him that you really enjoyed the sex but that you don’t enjoy the non stop sex-pesty messages... so if he would like to have the excellent sex again he will have to quit referring to it on WhatsApp.

People can feel randomly feel weird about their romantic and/or intimate liaisons for all sorts of reasons.

It's not always obviously logical. The feeling is real, and doesn't deserve belittling @Susie477

I had a boyfriend like this when I was young which is probably why I'm feeling like that :) he was quite innocent really and shy and he was just WOW about it all

I mean everyone's different aren't they.

Not envy! Grin.

I wonder if the OP is wearing the skirt 😬Which sounds completely wrong.
Hope it’s going OK, OP!

@DrinkFeckArseGirls

I wonder if the OP is wearing the skirt 😬Which sounds completely wrong. Hope it’s going OK, OP!

What's sad is that she said it put her off and made her uncomfortable but still didn't cancel the date even though he effectively told her they'd be having sex, especially as she states in the OP she has a history of abusive relationships.

It would be too much for me and that type of thing that would (and has in the past) put me off.

Also who has a shower, then sex, then a massage? It's a very regimented fantasy and I would be left looking for a rota when we were actually together.

It's a very regimented fantasy and I would be left looking for a rota when we were actually together.

That did make me laugh!

I haven't dated anyone in a while and I have had emotional abuse in the past, so I might be being extra sensitive. He is lovely and attentive, kind, intermingled with all of this e.g. asking what I want for dinner... and he's nothing like a sex pest in person!

Think back, no one is EVER outrightly abusive at the outset or you wouldn't go out with them. If anything, you're not sensitive enough.

Did you go tonight op?

Hopefully OP you'll get to a place that when you're dating a new guy and he does that or anything that makes you uncomfortable, you can say 'hey cut it out' before it even gets to this point.
Make it clear. Set your own tone. Any guy that doesn't react well to you voicing your dislike isn't worth it and you'll know early on.

Well, these replies just goes to show some people would like it, some wouldn't. He obviously does. Just have a word with him. If he carries on and doesn't stop with the texting, ditch him. I'd give him a chance.

What happened Op? Did you manage to have a chat with him?

'I'd love you to sleep over next time to wake up with you'.

The dirty minded rotter!

The candle comment got me 😂

Bless his little socks- did you go OP?