New man keeps mentioning sex...

[hellocheese]

I've just started seeing someone new a few weeks ago, from online, we both live alone so have formed a 'bubble' of sorts. We've been seeing each other around 3 times per week. The dates have range from going on walks, dinner together, watching movies, getting a take out etc. I've really enjoyed his company and he says the same. We took things at a nice pace, kissing on a few dates which eventually built up to sex last week. The sex was amazing, sparks flying etc. and both said we really enjoyed ourselves!

Since then though, he has brought up something sex related everyday in text messaging... things like, 'I can't wait to do x again', 'I want to do x, y and z with you', 'I'd love you to sleep over next time to wake up with you'. We are still having normal conversations everyday about regular life, but he has brought sex up everyday in some form since. He's a real gent in person and hasn't pushed/pressured/made me feel uncomfortable at all. And the sex was pretty amazing! I am not sure if I am just being overly sensitive because I have been in abusive relationships in the past, or if this is a red flag?

I don't like the skirt comment, and the rest just sounds OTT. It makes me think of one of those dogs that starts humping your leg when you walk in.

I'd have dropped the second he started with the sex talk, so teenager. But the skirt comment? I'd nope out of there. Creepy AF.

I know, it's the skirt comment that's really put me off... I didn't reply, but he's since text to say he's really looking forward to seeing me and he's bought a new candle so his house smells amazing (he knows I like candles)...

He does sound hyper excited.
But I think it's important that you set out your boundaries. It's important that he knows you don't want it all mapped out, the level of expectation, to be told what to do or to wear. It's important that he knows these are all turn offs for you. If he doesn't listen ... well then he's not the man you thought or hoped he was.

Your spidey senses are tingling for a reason. So many women are so conditioned to have low bars and be grateful for anything from a man and give chances and get further involved with men rather than listening to their guts and cutting loose early rather than getting over invested.

Is he Daniel Cleaver ??!!

Trust your gut OP

@lollipoprainbow haha :S

@hellocheese

I know, it's the skirt comment that's really put me off... I didn't reply, but he's since text to say he's really looking forward to seeing me and he's bought a new candle so his house smells amazing (he knows I like candles)...

'Tbh, I'm going to cancel the date tonight. The endless sex talk has really turned me off. It's immature and off putting. I think it's best to move on. All the best.' and delete and block.

Oops meant

the Skirt comment is off putting, subtly telling you what to wear... piss off, I wear what I choose and for me ☺️

'Tbh, I'm going to cancel the date tonight. The endless sex talk has really turned me off. It's immature and off putting. I think it's best to move on. All the best.'

I like that. Best to be honest so he stands a chance with someone else.

He now thinks he’s onto a sure thing. Hence the candle. He thinks everytime he sees you he’s going to get sex. Maybe set your expectations. Just go over and talk. Make it clear that you aren’t staying over tonight before you go. Say you’re looking forward to seeing him but just to be clear that you won’t be staying over. Happy to hang out but not interested in taking it further tonight

Why go against your own gut to give him chances? He's given you the ick. You don't owe him a thing. He's not a project you need to fix or point out or talk. He's a bloody adult behaving like a horny teenager.

Ohhh he’s bought a candle!
You have to go now!

I think it's totally normal. One day you'll miss this when you're arguing over who fed the dog the dog and the way he loads the dishwasher! How old are you both?

As for people saying block him...why? How ridiculous and rude!

You like him, and he obviously likes you, so talk to him. Men are not mind readers. Just talk to the guy and tell him to tone it down. If he’s a decent guy, he will immediately apologise and that will be the end of the sexting.

Even the skirt thing I don’t think is objectively off limits for everybody. I can totally see why some people wouldn’t like it tho. Personally I wouldn’t mind if a fella asked me to dress in a certain thing he liked for a date (depending how he phrased it obviously) - I would find that quite sexy. (Obviously would only do it if I felt comfortable). Depends on the context and how he asked it of course. And I might say, “Please will you wear that jacket - it makes you look so hot”. Or whatever. I think I would, anyway. I can imagine potentially doing that.....

BUT, the point is that nothing in your behaviour has encouraged him to think you like these comments from him OP. And the fact is, you don’t. I don’t think he is necessarily evil or would put everybody off. But clearly you are a total mismatch, so probably best to end it now, before you get in too deep.

Sorry. I am sure you feel a bit shit right now, as it sounds like you liked him in many ways.....

@Samedaysameshit

Ohhh he’s bought a candle! You have to go now!

Oh actually yes. Scratch everything else I said, the poor soul has bought a candle! If you don’t go now, it will effectively be a form of financial abuse! 🤣🤣🤣

I think it would be on the harsh side to cancel before actually telling him iits made you uncomfortable given you liked him

However I'm also a believer in trusting your instincts.

Tell him the sex talk is putting you off. My dp had a couple of imaginative flights of fancy when we first got together, but after a year, he's toned it right down. Maybe it's just the excitement of a new relationship

I think he sounds keen :)

He's not saying anything grim.

When you talk to him just say you're not really into chatting about sex via text.

Read more of your life posts OP I think he's smitten!

He's bought a smelly candle, bless just ask him to stop. If he does. Jobs a good un!

@LoveIsAllThereIs

I think it's totally normal. One day you'll miss this when you're arguing over who fed the dog the dog and the way he loads the dishwasher! How old are you both?

As for people saying block him...why? How ridiculous and rude!

Because he's put her off, given her the ick and behaved like a horny teenager which she doesn't like. She owes him NOTHING because they had sex.

It's tricky isn't it. I was with an abusive sex pest for years so when started dating again I was surprised that most men aren't like that. And it's got more to do with the fact that its off putting than if he's right or wrong at this stage. Too much too soon gives you the ick. No matter how nice they are