New man keeps mentioning sex...

[hellocheese]

I've just started seeing someone new a few weeks ago, from online, we both live alone so have formed a 'bubble' of sorts. We've been seeing each other around 3 times per week. The dates have range from going on walks, dinner together, watching movies, getting a take out etc. I've really enjoyed his company and he says the same. We took things at a nice pace, kissing on a few dates which eventually built up to sex last week. The sex was amazing, sparks flying etc. and both said we really enjoyed ourselves!

Since then though, he has brought up something sex related everyday in text messaging... things like, 'I can't wait to do x again', 'I want to do x, y and z with you', 'I'd love you to sleep over next time to wake up with you'. We are still having normal conversations everyday about regular life, but he has brought sex up everyday in some form since. He's a real gent in person and hasn't pushed/pressured/made me feel uncomfortable at all. And the sex was pretty amazing! I am not sure if I am just being overly sensitive because I have been in abusive relationships in the past, or if this is a red flag?

But he has no clue he's making OP feel uncomfortable. As evidenced by this thread lots of women would really enjoy this kind of attention and messaging.

He's not a mind reader and he hasn't done anything wrong other than show enthusiasm and excitement. Of course if OP expresses her discomfort and he fails to tone it down, that's another matter.

As for assuming they'll have sex, well I would too! If I'd had a wonderful date with wonderful sex with someone and we'd made arrangements to see eachother again and both of us seemed to be looking forward to it... I'd be imagining sex was on the cards again too. Anybody would. Again, a problem occurrs if for any reason OP expresses that she's not necessarily up for it and he tries to push it.

Some of the comments on here about low bars and abusers are really OTT. How does anyone get anything off the ground without a bit of navigating around different ways of communicating?

OP if you find it all off putting that is entirely your look out. You can end the relationship or you can tell him you don't like it and see if he listens. All that is fine. But until he knows, he really hasn't done anything wrong. He's just sounds like a bit of an excited puppy.

He didn't communicate, either, ask her if she liked that type of thing.

An excited puppy? Is that what we call men these days?
It's def not ott if the OP has had prior abuse. It is not ott to check how you're feeling when a man makes you feel uncomfortable and why.

Yes the OP needs to tell the man but calling him an excited puppy for asking her to wear a skirt and HOW they are going to have sex is not excusing this kind of shit. Again.

• sorry didnt mean to type not. I meant to write excusing

And yes if lots of women do enjoy this kind of attention a few weeks into dating someone, i think they need to be careful. Making it so sexual early on is not always a good sign.

What did you decide to do OP?

It's just a figure of speech, Silence. I might describe myself as an over excited puppy if I was really looking forward to something.

Of course the OP should check in with her feelings. If she's uncomfortable then she is, and she's entitled to do whatever she likes with that. She can end the relationship if that's what she wants to do. She can end the relationship for whatever reason she chooses.

He really hasn't done anything wrong though. I agree that telling a woman can be a red flag for abuse and the skirt comment was off. However, he asked rather than told, and I don't think it would be the wrong move to assume over excitement, give him the benefit of the doubt, and proceed with caution if that's what she wants to do. One off move doesn't make someone a guaranteed abuser.

telling a woman what to wear that should have read, sorry.

I think you're a bit over-faced, @hellocheese. Too big a jump.

And your best route, if this is going to work, is to talk to him about it. Give it/him/yourself that chance. He may not react in a way that feels comfortable to you, but it's worth a try.

Have you had a conversation with him about your abusive relationships?

Do you recognise in yourself the protective mechanisms which are sprung if you feel coerced? This is your defense system, which is possibly now highly-effective, but you aren't with an abusive partner any more.

With a proper partner, you tell him you feel a bit overwhelmed, because of what's happened to you. He says omg I'm sorry and tones it down. You (plural) progress at a pace which works for you (as you're the slowest - never leave anyone behind in the jungle! : ) ... and finally, after a bit of time, you feel safe, cave, love him loving sex with you, and it's all ok.

I think it sounds like he is really into you, has loved the sex with you, and wants to communicate with you about that shared experience. If you aren't as open (and previously uncompromised) as him then this may feel like a bucket of cold water in the face.

But, OP. You said yourself it was lovely. Give yourself a bit of time. Maybe it is nice to have such a guy, such nice sex, such messages? BUT you need to tell him to slow down. He's losing you here and he needs to hold your hand and you both go together.

Tell him.

If he can't take it, ok. But try him.

OP how did it go at his Sunday?

Hope you are ok, and update us when you are ready please.

update us when you are ready please