New man keeps mentioning sex...

[hellocheese]

I've just started seeing someone new a few weeks ago, from online, we both live alone so have formed a 'bubble' of sorts. We've been seeing each other around 3 times per week. The dates have range from going on walks, dinner together, watching movies, getting a take out etc. I've really enjoyed his company and he says the same. We took things at a nice pace, kissing on a few dates which eventually built up to sex last week. The sex was amazing, sparks flying etc. and both said we really enjoyed ourselves!

Since then though, he has brought up something sex related everyday in text messaging... things like, 'I can't wait to do x again', 'I want to do x, y and z with you', 'I'd love you to sleep over next time to wake up with you'. We are still having normal conversations everyday about regular life, but he has brought sex up everyday in some form since. He's a real gent in person and hasn't pushed/pressured/made me feel uncomfortable at all. And the sex was pretty amazing! I am not sure if I am just being overly sensitive because I have been in abusive relationships in the past, or if this is a red flag?

I think that's a good plan - just tell him how you feel and what you want. If he doesn't like that, then you've got your answer.

But hopefully he will understand.

Personally I think he sounds like a sex pest who mixes in the nice normal stuff to keep you on board- for me it would be too much , too soon- but maybe some women like this kind of thing and I’m just older and cynical. I would hate it personally

I think maybe a good idea to tell him you don’t like sexting kind of stuff and see how he reacts.

I would hate this.

Not the sex talk per se, but he’s already laid out not only his expectation of sex tonight, but exactly how he wants it to happen - you’ll shower together first then have sex then he’ll give you a massage.

And he’s kindly let you know what he wants you to wear too.

Plus I hate showering with someone. If he’s got a huge walk in shower with two massive rainfall shower heads maybe - but if the reality is more like an electric shower over the bath which barely warms one of you let alone two of you, with a shower curtain sticking to your back I’d be telling him to do one.

If he desired you for yourself, as a person, would it matter what you were wearing?

Oh. The skirt comment is way too soon. There's keen and there's still getting to know each other and what is acceptable to say. He doesn't know you well enough yet. And the massage is a bit ick.
Go with you gut. Tell him to tone it down and see how he reacts

And him telling you how horny he is off putting. Still should be in the wine and dine stage

Yes, I actually think I will text him and tell him to tone it down a bit and see what his response is before I go to his tonight, I don't want to be in an awkward position and I'm not going there until 7.30pm anyway.

Listen to your instincts! If it feels wrong it's not right, that's been proven to me time and again. I wouldn't like the skirt comment either, it's as if now he 'has you' he can start laying down the law. Way too soon to be demanding clothing choices, if ever. Plus is his motivation now just sex? He's done the work to get what he wants so to speak. I am so cynical about men.

To be honest it sounds like he is now just focused on sex rather than developing and enjoying your relationship as it is.

I would be totally turned off by those texts. I’m sorry, but I would. He sounds much more interested in the sex than in you.

Tell him in person

When he messages about sex I'd be inclined to change the subject and see if he gets the hint or if the very next text is the same kind of thing.
The skirt text would put me off.

Yeah it’s a bit much. The skirt thing especially means that his mind will be on getting in your knickers from the minute you walk in the door.

There’s plenty more men out there so I would just call it a day on this one and move on.

I've just ignored him for now... normally I am quick at replying so he must be wondering why I haven't responded. I'm in two minds - I don't want to turn up and be in an uncomfortable position tonight, but I also don't want him to misconstrue a text message... It's a shame as he's a lovely guy in person, the sex was great and wasn't 'porny' at all... I didn't feel objectified or like he only saw me as an object, he was very cuddly and attentive afterwards too, even telling me 'first time sex isn't meant to be like that!' He's a great guy apart from this

i've got the ick with the guy just reading this esp. the skirt comment.

That would put me off especially wear a skirt. Its awkward now to have to pull him up on it. I would not go tonight, tell him why and then see does he stop the sex talk over the next few days but don't go tonight. If he does stop, give him another chance but if it continues I wouldn't see him again.

Yep, the skirt thing is just creepy. If he likes you it wouldn't matter what you were wearing. Putting in attire requests especially so early on in the relationship is just not on.

i dont think it sounds bad.

The skirt comment is a bit clumsy and misjudged maybe, but I don't think there's anything wrong with him voicing his desire to have sex with you in the days after you've first had sex! I think that sounds pretty normal to be honest, it's naturally on his mind. I'd be more worried if he hadn't mentioned it personally.

That said if you haven't been responding in kind at all and he's kept on with it then he's perhaps a bit insensitive and isn't really getting the message. I think talking in person would be much more successful if you want to talk honestly about how it makes you feel. If, as you say, he's lovely in person and you feel relaxed with him, it would be a bit harsh to bin him off over this in my opinion.

I'd love to get texts like this (provided it was someone I'd already had sex with). I'd read it as enthusiasm. But then I am a filthy texter too.

The important thing is that if you're uncomfortable with it you should be able to tell him and he should tone it down. I don't think it's bad in itself but if he doesn't take your feelings about it on board then that's a different matter.

@warmandtoasty2day

i've got the ick with the guy just reading this esp. the skirt comment.

I think we all have!

Definitely don’t wear a skirt tonight if you do go! And I’d be tempted to tell him beforehand that you want to have a chat with him and that you don’t want it all to be sexual, as you’re finding it all a bit much, and see how he reacts to that before you go.

You shouldn’t be nervous to tell a guy to pack it in. Either he’s decent and he listens, or he’s not decent and he ignores you, but in that case you don’t want to be stuck at his house so make sure you’re not drinking or anything and let a friend know where you’ll be just in case he turns nasty. I know it’s a leap but if he’s someone who doesn’t take no for an answer we all know where that can lead.

He isn't sleazy in person, at all. I even commented to him how comfortable he has made me. I do get the impression he is a bit smitten, he's said he 'wants to see me whenever I'm free' and 'first time sex isn't supposed to be like that'! I haven't communicated that I don't like the texting, I said to him after the shower, massage and sex comment: 'I’m a let’s see how we feel and what happens at the time person'. Perhaps I do need to be more direct. The skirt comment was followed by a silly emoji, so I'm not sure if I am reading too much into it from a creepy angle or just misjudged like @Clementine183 said...

Gosh my new dp and I text some absolute filth to each other.
The fact you are still doing other things, going out , talking about other things etc says he's not ghosting you. I think he just fancies you.
That being said if sexting isn't your thing then yeah, tell him.
I quite like it though...

The shower message was directly after you said you're in the bath, so to be honest I see how he was lead by that.
The skirt comment is a bit weird, however I would personally really enjoy those texts which shows how different we all are! I don't think anyone can tell you really as what you might like, I might hate and so on.
I don't think he's after one thing, I do think he's very keen on you and just not the best at reading how he's coming across.
Texts are hard work. If he's not sleazy in person as you've said, I think that's more of an indicator to you by, rather than what he's like over text.