New man keeps mentioning sex...

[hellocheese]

I've just started seeing someone new a few weeks ago, from online, we both live alone so have formed a 'bubble' of sorts. We've been seeing each other around 3 times per week. The dates have range from going on walks, dinner together, watching movies, getting a take out etc. I've really enjoyed his company and he says the same. We took things at a nice pace, kissing on a few dates which eventually built up to sex last week. The sex was amazing, sparks flying etc. and both said we really enjoyed ourselves!

Since then though, he has brought up something sex related everyday in text messaging... things like, 'I can't wait to do x again', 'I want to do x, y and z with you', 'I'd love you to sleep over next time to wake up with you'. We are still having normal conversations everyday about regular life, but he has brought sex up everyday in some form since. He's a real gent in person and hasn't pushed/pressured/made me feel uncomfortable at all. And the sex was pretty amazing! I am not sure if I am just being overly sensitive because I have been in abusive relationships in the past, or if this is a red flag?

I'd love to get texts like this (provided it was someone I'd already had sex with). I'd read it as enthusiasm. But then I am a filthy texter too.

This.
Fellow filthy tester here. And tbh, if I was messaging a guy saying how I was just having a bath, I'd assume it was edging the conversation towards it becoming sexual.

If it makes you uncomfortable, then tell him, but you are supposed to be distracted by eachother, thinking about what you want to do with eachother, and very eager. Whilst many people wouldn't want to communicate that desire/enthusiasm through text, if you aren't idly daydreaming about your next sexual encounter together so early in, then I'd be worried personally

It wouldn't bother me as I do love the early bit when you are at it like rabbits and both me and my boyfriend have exchanged texts like thus. BUT you are not comfortable at all with it so if you are keen on him, just tell him clearly that you don't like it. Then if he does it again you bin him.

I only advise this as you said in real life he is wonderful and the sex didn't make you feel objectified. I suspect he thinks that this kind of talk will get you worked up. Or he is a tosser. Either way, if you tell him and he doesn't listen, you have your answer.

I love dirty texts. My new dp and I text way worse than that. I have a high sex drive and a filthy mind though, so I enjoy it. If you don't, say something.

Don't reply to the Messages about sex and reply to the ones that aren't and he will take the hint. I would find it all a bit cringe tbh

I was very eager and keen on him until all of this, very excited to have sex with him again and excited to see him again, but bringing up sex multiple times a day over text messaging has definitely put me off a bit... it comes across like his primary focus is sex, and as much as I want to do it again with him/I am excited, I'm not all consumed by it.

While it wouldn’t bother me (and I would be joining in!) it clearly isn’t the kind of chat you like, and one would hope he would be getting the message by now from the fact that you (I assume) do not send him similar stuff back. In fact, you have already more or less told him you don’t like it. What is worrying I think is that he is ignoring that or not picking up on it.....

Ugh secy texts make me squirm, but then I'm always a bit cautious of being used for sex.

The skirt comment was the one that made me raise my eyebrows. I'd have written back, 'ha! Nice try! The only person who decides what I wear is me! Laughing emoji' it'd probably draw a line and he'll deny he was telling you what to wear, or he'll push and THEN it's a red flag.

Also hate shower sex and I'm not afraid to tell them so. Water is not a natural lubricant!

I don't like the sound of him OP. I would also be put off if a guy was going on about sex like this in the early days. I'm happy with it later on once we've had actual sex and a relationship is more established.

Also, the thing about the skirt - just no.

If i was dating a guy and wasn’t getting these texts I’d be worried 😂

To the OP, I would cancel tonight, tell him he's put you off with his talk and if he can't refrain it's over for you. Please don't accept this, I absolutely hate when it becomes only a sex thing (unless it's what both want). He's totally tone deaf and it's very off putting. Really simply don't go today and let him realise that actions have consequences

Have u messaged him recently and how has it gone

I wouldn't be too bothered by most of his texts apart from the skirt one. And I can imagine you texting that you were going to have a bath would have led him a little.

If you do decide to see him tonight I definitely wouldn't wear a skirt though!

I genuinely wouldn't see him again after asking that. He's gross.

I think you need to let him know that you don’t like how he is communicating with you. He’s not a mind reader and he hasn’t done anything objectively wrong

He’s taken it too far because he’s keen and a horny dog. You’ve got him going and he’s being OTT. He needs to calm it down a bit. If I was you I’d text “I’m going to leave it today. To be honest it’s all become a bit overwhelming and I’m not really used to all this sex chat. Not sure it’s my cup
of tea to be honest. I like you but this sexy chat isn’t for me. It’s putting me off you. Sorry” then see what he responds. You’ll know if he’s a keeper with what he does next

@hellocheese

I was very eager and keen on him until all of this, very excited to have sex with him again and excited to see him again, but bringing up sex multiple times a day over text messaging has definitely put me off a bit... it comes across like his primary focus is sex, and as much as I want to do it again with him/I am excited, I'm not all consumed by it.

Could you just say essentially this to him? He's not a mind reader so probably has no idea that you do not like how often he brings up sex in conversation.

Bloody lucky if you ask me!!

Gosh this seems normal for me after sex, I would find it fun but I do like a bit of sexy texting! I'd be more annoyed if it wasnt mentionned/no flirty talk happened after sex, I'd think he'd been underwhelmed and wasnt much bothered about it happening.

The skirt comment is a no from me. Would put me off straight away. It does sound as though he's really into you though so I think you need to tell him some of his comments relating to sex are off putting to you and see how he reacts. I think that will tell you all you need to know.

Given there's a split here between people who think this is normal, people who would be concerned if there wasn't sex chat, and people who are put of by this, I think it shows his texting and your reaction are both within the realms of normal, just very different.

The skirt comment. Sounds sexist and objectifying. He sounds a bit creepy.

OP i think your gut is telling you something. Listen

Who does he think he is asking you to wear a specific item of clothing? You barely know him. You'd never say "can you wear a shirt tonight" because that would be WEIRD.

I think he sounds like a normal red blooded male who fancies you.

Some people like this and some don’t. I’m not keen but I would have replied to them as another poster said. Have a chat with him tonight in person and say it just makes you feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t mean you are a prude or he is a letch. Just different. Neither wrong.