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Original poster

New man keeps mentioning sex...

161 replies

hellocheese · 21/03/2021 16:19

I've just started seeing someone new a few weeks ago, from online, we both live alone so have formed a 'bubble' of sorts. We've been seeing each other around 3 times per week. The dates have range from going on walks, dinner together, watching movies, getting a take out etc. I've really enjoyed his company and he says the same. We took things at a nice pace, kissing on a few dates which eventually built up to sex last week. The sex was amazing, sparks flying etc. and both said we really enjoyed ourselves!

Since then though, he has brought up something sex related everyday in text messaging... things like, 'I can't wait to do x again', 'I want to do x, y and z with you', 'I'd love you to sleep over next time to wake up with you'. We are still having normal conversations everyday about regular life, but he has brought sex up everyday in some form since. He's a real gent in person and hasn't pushed/pressured/made me feel uncomfortable at all. And the sex was pretty amazing! I am not sure if I am just being overly sensitive because I have been in abusive relationships in the past, or if this is a red flag?

OP posts:
wincarwoo · 22/03/2021 19:28

Aw it's too to early to break it off!

LizzieMacQueen · 22/03/2021 19:29

Not RTFT, only your posts OP; the skirt thing I take to mean he wants sex with you clothed (minus knickers of course) which IMO is too much for second time sex.

AnaofBroceliande · 22/03/2021 19:32

@wincarwoo

Aw it's too to early to break it off!
What? You can end things whenever you like, for whatever reason or no reason at all. The ick is definitely a reason.
Silenceisgolden20 · 22/03/2021 19:36

@LoveIsAllThereIs

I think it's totally normal. One day you'll miss this when you're arguing over who fed the dog the dog and the way he loads the dishwasher! How old are you both?

As for people saying block him...why? How ridiculous and rude!

Really????? Are you serious????? The op isn't liking it. Something is off for her. So what would she actually miss? Some guy making her feel uncomfortable?
Silenceisgolden20 · 22/03/2021 19:37

@LizzieMacQueen

Not RTFT, only your posts OP; the skirt thing I take to mean he wants sex with you clothed (minus knickers of course) which IMO is too much for second time sex.
Yes this is how I read it. And I think that is too soon and more kind of chat when you know each other a bit more. For the OP anyway.
secretrugbyfan · 22/03/2021 19:38

Behaviour is learned, and he may have acted like this in the past and not been pulled up over it, because he may have been seeing someone that did not mind the comments he has made to you. So just tell him his approach is making you uncomfortable.

As for the skirt comment, have you worn one previously when meeting him? Being physically attracted to someone makes you look at the things that makes this so.....if you have nice legs, eyes etc. this will have been noticed, but again tell him that you did not appreciate his comment about what to wear...if he is serious about you he will take note of this as he would not want to think that he has upset you by something he has said/done.

It sounds like he's infatuated with you, and he's just a little too excited. Please just tell him so and give him another chance, too often relationships fail because of a lack of communication.

However, if you do explain the way you feel and it makes no difference, sack him off...there are plenty more suitors out there.

AnaofBroceliande · 22/03/2021 19:39

Really?????
Are you serious????? The op isn't liking it. Something is off for her. So what would she actually miss? Some guy making her feel uncomfortable?

And the idea they'll be together forever.

No wonder there are so many shitty relationships on here.

RogueV · 22/03/2021 19:47

He sounds just my type

Sorry 🤷‍♀️

(Filthy texter here too)

Lollyneenah · 22/03/2021 19:50

I get you OP. Keen-ness gives me the ick Blush . I quite enjoy the chase and this Chap seems a bit clinging and annoying

somethingonthecarpet · 22/03/2021 19:51

I wouldn't like this. It would give me the creeps/ick. I had a very long relationship where I felt this and tried really hard to put it aside because I didn't want to upset anyone, but the truth is, the ick never went and I just wish I'd not wasted so much time trying to keep everyone else happy.

LoveIsAllThereIs · 22/03/2021 19:52

@silenceisgolden20 Yes I'm serious. She'll miss the fun of a new romance is what I mean. She likes many other things about him, this is just a miscommunication style. There's no need to block as people have suggested. That's just childish. Why can't people just have a conversation, set some boundaries and then carry on enjoying the majority that is good about it?

Palavah · 22/03/2021 19:54

@MarkRuffaloCrumble

If he was just after sex he either wouldn’t have bothered with all the dates beforehand or he would have ghosted you after it rather than looking forward to it again. As an adult, sex is an important part of a relationship and the fact that he’s keen to do it again is a good sign.
This
Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 22/03/2021 20:00

You just need to communicate with him and let him know what you like/expect. Crossing a boundary that has been set out is an entirely different thing to someone not being aware you feel a certain way.

It’s like ass slapping around the house. 50% of the female population would dump if someone did that, a signifiant proportion (me!) would be offended if they didn’t. Communicate!

AnaofBroceliande · 22/03/2021 20:09

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

You just need to communicate with him and let him know what you like/expect. Crossing a boundary that has been set out is an entirely different thing to someone not being aware you feel a certain way.

It’s like ass slapping around the house. 50% of the female population would dump if someone did that, a signifiant proportion (me!) would be offended if they didn’t. Communicate!

He never bothered to communicate with her, ask if she liked that sort of thing but the onus is on her to sound and sort him out? Hmm

She barely knows this guy and it's all her burden to carry to sort out his ickle feelings.

He didn't give a toss about hers, just launched in with the sex talk and constantly turning the conversation to sex.

It gave her the ick and made her uncomfortable.

Billybobbins · 22/03/2021 20:14

OP if you feel uncomfortable with it, then thats how you feel.
Others might be fine - but they arent you.
Stick to your boundaries.
It sounds like he has already decided you are having sex tonight and that is NOT ok.
I would sack him off for the " wear a skirt comment alone.

AnaofBroceliande · 22/03/2021 20:16

@Billybobbins

OP if you feel uncomfortable with it, then thats how you feel. Others might be fine - but they arent you. Stick to your boundaries. It sounds like he has already decided you are having sex tonight and that is NOT ok. I would sack him off for the " wear a skirt comment alone.
That, too. He's decided you're having sex. Really NOT on.
Silenceisgolden20 · 22/03/2021 20:20

@RogueV

He sounds just my type

Sorry 🤷‍♀️

(Filthy texter here too)

Yeah nothing wrong with that but this seems too soon.
Silenceisgolden20 · 22/03/2021 20:22

[quote LoveIsAllThereIs]@silenceisgolden20 Yes I'm serious. She'll miss the fun of a new romance is what I mean. She likes many other things about him, this is just a miscommunication style. There's no need to block as people have suggested. That's just childish. Why can't people just have a conversation, set some boundaries and then carry on enjoying the majority that is good about it?[/quote]
But it's NOT fun to the OP. She needs to tell him that but she wont miss is because she doesn't like it.

Idefinatelyhavefriends · 22/03/2021 20:25

Yep. It's problematic. The worst bit is the skirt comment. Yes, he is probably fantasising about touching you up under a skirt, etc...this is something that he needs to keep to himself until much later in a relationship. Yes of course he wants to have sex again tonight but he should be quietly hopeful..not making the assumption. Personally, I think maybe 1 text that alludes to the enjoyable sex you had is appropriate- then leave it. It honestly sounds like he just says whatever pops into his head with no filter and he'sthinkingaboutsex constantly. I wouldn't be keen on this at all.

Noshowlomo · 22/03/2021 20:25

Think I’d like it ...
But it’s whatever makes you comfortable OP

AnaofBroceliande · 22/03/2021 20:27

[quote LoveIsAllThereIs]@silenceisgolden20 Yes I'm serious. She'll miss the fun of a new romance is what I mean. She likes many other things about him, this is just a miscommunication style. There's no need to block as people have suggested. That's just childish. Why can't people just have a conversation, set some boundaries and then carry on enjoying the majority that is good about it?[/quote]
Funny how he behaved in a childish fashion without having asked her what her preferences were first, and also assumed they were having sex tonight.

And seriously, she's only known him for a few weeks and you're assuming it's a long-term thing and she'll miss endless sex talk that she doesn't like. Hmm

Custardcream67 · 22/03/2021 20:28

I don’t think it’s a red flag as long as you feel he likes other things about you? Saying he wants to sleep over to wake up with you is sweet I think. He might just want to closeness to you.

AnaofBroceliande · 22/03/2021 20:30

@Custardcream67

I don’t think it’s a red flag as long as you feel he likes other things about you? Saying he wants to sleep over to wake up with you is sweet I think. He might just want to closeness to you.
It makes her uncomfortable. Unbelievable this isn't a red flag.
Silenceisgolden20 · 22/03/2021 20:31

There's nothing childish about blocking a guy that's pushed it too far with your boundaries on sex. Even when it is only talk. It's looking after yourself. Tell him that so he knows then move on.

Or tell him and see if he tones it down

I doubt he will.

Wide · 22/03/2021 20:31

Aw I get where you are coming from, it would worry me if sex kept being brought up but give him a chance he sounds so giddy and I think he was so pleased with the sex, he really likes you. Go easy on him

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