Partner used to use escorts...

[iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto]

Deal breaker for you or not....

[quote RoseRedRoseBlue]@LavenderLollies prepare to be barraged with abuse for that comment, even though you are absolutely within your rights to make it.[/quote]
Can’t say it bothers me tbh! All lovely men with whom it didn’t work out for various reasons. On MN it’s the gravest of taboos to say you’re okay with porn or sex work, but still worth sharing imo as it’s a complete echo chamber otherwise. We’re all entitled to our views, even those whose views I disagree with!

@Tillymintsmama domestic violence is common, should we condone that as well? Racism? Sexism? It's already been stated that just because something is common doesn't mean it is right. If 98% of men have used prostitutes, I would class my dating pool as 98% reduced, I'd rather be single than compromise on that.

@MrsTerryPratchett I agree.

What I'm saying is that some of these pearl clutching comments saying it's such a dealbreaker for them probably have or have had a male friend/partner who's paid for sex, in some form or other, at some time or other.

You're entitled to your own views but not your own facts.

An 'industry' so rife with abuse, addiction, rape, assault, which affects all women but particularly the women in street level work isn't 'just work'. It leaves many survivors with PTSD worse than Vietnam vets. I'm 'biased' because I know women who died doing it. And hundreds raped and assaulted. I've seen it very much first hand.

People assume that women who oppose it are prudes or sheltered. Believe me, I'm neither.

@folloyourarro conflating my reference to 'paying for sex being more common than you'd think' which is all I referred to - with my views on DV, racism and sexism is just baffling.

@Tillymintsmama well as I don't think paid for sex can after be classed as truly consensual I really don't think it is that baffling tbh. But my point is just because something is common doesn't in itself make it right, insert whatever example you want to insert, the point is the same.

@folloyourarro I agree; just because it's common, doesn't make it right. Where have I said I condone/agree with any of it?

@Tillymintsmama by randomly stating in a thread discussing prostitution as a dealbreaker is common. What is your point raising in this context? Do you think those of us who find it a dealbreaker think it is rare? "Pearl clutching" Because you're wrong, I think it's disgustingly common, the prevalence of it has no influence on my opinion. Trying to belittle posters with moral disagreements with the use of prostitution and stating they are some how unworldly, incorrectly.

Would it be a dealbreaker for me? Most likely, unless he was very young and really accepted how vile his behaviour was.

This guy of yours however has a whole plethora of vile behaviour, any which would be a dealbreaker for me.

Please put your kids first instead of an abusive Coke head who abuses you.

I think lots of the posters here saying it's a dealbreaker for them will have a current partner who at some stage, has paid for sex. That's how common it is. Just because people don't talk about it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

@Tillymintsmama

I think lots of the posters here saying it's a dealbreaker for them will have a current partner who at some stage, has paid for sex. That's how common it is. Just because people don't talk about it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

I'm so impressed by the volume and variety of stats in your post to back that up.

The key word here is 'used'. Absolute dealbreaker for me.
And if I did have a current partner who had paid to use women, then yes, it would still be a deal breaker and I wouldn't look back. I do think a significant minority of men do use escorts but most certainly don't.
A man who sees women as bodies he can pay for and use, isn't a man I'd want to be with.

Of course they talk about it, some of them.

Male friends, male colleagues have told me when they're pissed.

And after that I know they're scum

@Tillymintsmama and that still isn't the question. The question is if you found out your partner had used a prostitute would it be a dealbreaker for you? The questions aren't how common we think it is or do you think your partner has paid for sex. Prevalence is completely irrelevant.

That's the beauty of sex work is work and normalising it.

They're way more likely to tell.

Of course it's not like any other job and normalising it is appalling.

@NiceGerbil

And after that I know they're scum

Yup.

I also find it fascinating that the accepted wisdom appears to be, "well most men do it on stag dos, it's common" but also "you're controlling if you don't like stag dos to Amsterdam and Prague". Where it's absolutely rife.

Frankly any man who has spent any considerable time in a number is places is suspect to me. Thailand alone and you're not a Buddhist, chef or temple nut? Hard no.

Well it's not actually accepted wisdom is it.

Threads about men and porn and prostitution always have a majority of women saying nope and a small minority arguing like mad that they're all wrong.

I don't necessarily mean on here!

[quote RoseRedRoseBlue]@Countingthebeat if you could step beyond your anger and utilise some punctuation I would be far more inclined to respond to your points, which come across as no more than a rant. We are on the same side![/quote]
I can assure you that any lack of punctuation had more to do with a lack of glasses at the time thag anger
However ,,,,,.,I simply asked you to show me where I had made the assumption that men who used prostitutes do so due to a lack of satisfying sexual relationships
How convenient you use punctuation as a reason you cannot provide that

Terry- true.

Not something I talk about in real life much!

I do think there's an angle where women meet or are with men who they find out have in the past. And then what? Dump or tell yourself it's ok.

I had that experience once. Met a bloke we were both very keen. Got engaged after 6 or 7 weeks. Couple of weeks after that he was going abroad on a stag.

A close friend took it upon herself to say well obviously he'll have sex with a prostitute they all will. I was ???!!!. I pointed out that at least 3 of them were extremely shy and knowing then it was so unlikely as to be laughable. They'd be terrified.

She was adamant. They all will. I said we've only been together X weeks and we just got engaged.

He definitely will she said.

Nice eh?!

Turned out her ex (I knew him too) had done 'girlfriend experience' multiple times in Thailand. She said it's how they are it's normal what can you do.

I said well if that's the case I'll chuck him.

She really upset me, I mean who says that? But it was her internal justification coming out.

Redredrose said this earlier

' I was musing on the wider question, unpalatable as is it is, of where men go to access sexual activity in the absence of a mutually satisfying relationship. '

But rather than saying that justified prostitutes she clarified (I think) that she was alluding to rape.

I'm sure she'll correct me if that's not correct, I may need to read back a bit again what was posted yesterday.

@Countingthebeat, I don’t even care anymore who said what. I can’t be bothered to scroll through endless posts to clarify this. Have a great night.

[quote RoseRedRoseBlue]@Countingthebeat, I don’t even care anymore who said what. I can’t be bothered to scroll through endless posts to clarify this. Have a great night.[/quote]
Yeah you too