Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So I’m 2 weeks postnatal and he’s just had a go at me that we’ve not done anything sexual..

428 replies

Coveredindaisies · 19/03/2021 15:28

I’m gobsmacked. Apparently I make him feel invisible. I’m breastfeeding round the clock. I’m knackered. I lost my mum 2 months ago and feel down and full of grief. I thought I was doing ok: I cuddle him when I’ve finally got the baby down to sleep. I feel overwhelmed having a new baby but I’m just about keeping on top of everything. He said he runs around all day and I should want to do something for him. Sat in tears wondering whether I should be considering breaking my family up before my son even turns one month old because it turns out my husband is an arse. What would you do in my situation? All I could do when he said this to me was burst out in tears and tell him it was massively unfair. But in actual fact I genuinely feel like this is LTB stuff. Sorry for the rant. I’d just like some perspective on whether it’ll right and it is indeed outrageous.

OP posts:
BuggeringBugger · 19/03/2021 15:31

I'm so sorry, he sounds awful! I know SOME people might have done sexual things within that timeframe but I would assume MOST do not. Personally yes I would leave because it's awful behaviour. I hope you're okay Thanks

WinterStrawbsAreLikeTurnip · 19/03/2021 15:31

2 weeks PP you're still healing from birth. Are you bleeding still? If you had any stitches or a c section etc you'll still be raw downstairs!!!

takingmytimeonmyride · 19/03/2021 15:32

Wow. You've just lost your mum and had a baby and all he can think about is how he hasn't had sex recently?

What did he say when you cried and said it was unfair?

Totally and utterly awful of him, I'm really sorry he's being such an arse.

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 19/03/2021 15:33

Wtf ????? Is he normally an selfish arsehole ?

Bells3032 · 19/03/2021 15:33

oh dear, i feel for you. I was single when I lost my mum and if i had been in a relationship the last thing i'd have wanted was sex - didn't have it for like a month after my grandfather died. And then top it all off in the worst time of your life you have just given birth and all that comes with it.

I didn't think you were even allowed to have sex for at least six weeks after birth??? anything else he can do himself! he's running around but you just pushed a baby out of you or had major surgery.

I am not sure what you can do but didn't want to just read and run. Very sorry for you and sending lots of big hugs

Oodilallygolly · 19/03/2021 15:34

He sounds like an utter utter twat OP. You deserve so much more. I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope you have other supportive people in your life that you can count on Flowers

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 19/03/2021 15:34

Chuck this bastard out, he will never be a worthwhile partner or husband, he is pathetic.

theyips · 19/03/2021 15:35

I’m so sorry, that’s a horrible thing for him to say. What did he do when you started crying?

Holothane · 19/03/2021 15:35

Disgusted tell him he’s got a hand and pack his bags while he’s at it, he’s really showed his colours now hasn’t he?

Coveredindaisies · 19/03/2021 15:36

Normal birth. A few stitches. I tried to explain that I’m just not in the mood. I just didn’t fancy any of it not because I don’t love him it’s just I’m tired and I’m bereaved. I feel down in the dumps a bit. It’s not the first time he has raised it since my son was born. I feel like the man I knew isn’t this man. I’m shocked.

OP posts:
TheHobbitMum · 19/03/2021 15:37

Jesus, what a prick! I absolutely couldn't live with that! What about your support & healing? He is an utter cock and you don't have to out up with this disrespect

SleepingStandingUp · 19/03/2021 15:37

Yadnbu but the key to be would be...

When you cried and called him out what did he do?

Coveredindaisies · 19/03/2021 15:37

I told him it was partly because of how I felt with my mum. He told me maybe I should see a grief counsellor. I don’t think the way I’m feeling is that unusual to be honest...

OP posts:
CraftyYankee · 19/03/2021 15:38

What a jerk.

Unless his response was to apologize profusely, you have a serious problem. So sorry. 💐

Oodilallygolly · 19/03/2021 15:38

You should not have to explain. Any compassionate, loving partner with any brain function should already know.

Coveredindaisies · 19/03/2021 15:38

He got more worked up when I burst out in tears. Apparently doesn’t have to be full sex but I could at least touch him... Angry

OP posts:
NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 19/03/2021 15:39

Is he jealous of the baby getting all your attention (also a LTB) perhaps get him to focus on the baby too not himself? Is he meeting all your relationship needs?

Peridot1 · 19/03/2021 15:39

It’s not recommended to have sex for six weeks after giving birth. Does he know that?

He sounds like a selfish man child.

Woodlandbelle · 19/03/2021 15:40

Two weeks!!! He is very selfish

VladimirCutiePutiPie · 19/03/2021 15:41

He said he runs around all day so you “should want to do something for him”.

He views sex as a transaction and does not respect you.

You don’t deserve to be treated like this.Flowers

SandSeaBeach · 19/03/2021 15:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

DiscordandRhyme · 19/03/2021 15:42

Tell him fuck off.

I'm 2 weeks post pattern tomorrow myself and if my husband came out with that ahit I'd be livid.

You've had his baby- he should be happy to be 'running around all day' when you've just had a baby.

Honestly some men are so far up their own arses it's unreal.

MissKittyFantastico84 · 19/03/2021 15:42

For context, I had an episiotomy at birth and a diagnosis of a chronic illness not long after. I also lost my beloved Nanny a few days after I gave birth.

My husband showed me affection but I never once felt pressured to have sex. I don't think we did anything sexually intimate until baby was about 8 months old.

I think this behaviour is very inconsiderate and would put me right off in the future. Sex is a shared experience - does he normally see you as something he can just use for his own benefit?

I'm sorry you're going through this at such a sensitive and emotional time. xx

Wakingup55643 · 19/03/2021 15:43

His solution is see a grief counsellor? Surely a loving partner supports you and helps you, not pressure you into sex! Even without the trauma of losing your mum, you've just squeezed a human being out of your body ffs! Does he not get that?! I'll tell you one thing, he's done his best to NOT have sex again any time soon. I wouldn't want to go anywhere near him after that. I'm furious for you. Hope you're OK OP x

wandawombat · 19/03/2021 15:43

Yep, that is LTB territory.

If he needs a wank, seriously, he can find a sock. 🙄

Swipe left for the next trending thread