So I’m 2 weeks postnatal and he’s just had a go at me that we’ve not done anything sexual..

[Coveredindaisies]

I’m gobsmacked. Apparently I make him feel invisible. I’m breastfeeding round the clock. I’m knackered. I lost my mum 2 months ago and feel down and full of grief. I thought I was doing ok: I cuddle him when I’ve finally got the baby down to sleep. I feel overwhelmed having a new baby but I’m just about keeping on top of everything. He said he runs around all day and I should want to do something for him. Sat in tears wondering whether I should be considering breaking my family up before my son even turns one month old because it turns out my husband is an arse. What would you do in my situation? All I could do when he said this to me was burst out in tears and tell him it was massively unfair. But in actual fact I genuinely feel like this is LTB stuff. Sorry for the rant. I’d just like some perspective on whether it’ll right and it is indeed outrageous.

@BuggeringBugger

I'm so sorry, he sounds awful! I know SOME people might have done sexual things within that timeframe but I would assume MOST do not. Personally yes I would leave because it's awful behaviour. I hope you're okay

I agree with the above. I hope you are OK, op. I certainly couldn't put up with that, it was eight or nine weeks after giving birth before we had sex and my husband was considerate. Yours is showing a gross lack of consideration and self control. My goodness, you are still recovering!

Oh god, don't go down the "male post natal depression" route. It doesn't manifest itself in a man pestering his grieving partner for sex within two weeks of giving birth.

OP, has he always been completely selfish? It's hard to see how a nice guy would turn into this.

Jesus, what planet is he on?!

I wouldn't necessarily LTB immediately, assuming he's been a sane and normal human being up until this point. Having your first baby is a weird transition all round and maybe he's fixating on this for some reason. Is there anyone he would listen to who could set him straight about how unreasonable he's being?

Apart from that, I'm sorry he's being such a jerk and I'm sure it will be very hard for you to forget even if he turns back into a human at some point. I had sex six weeks after having my first and I considered that soon, and I had no issues with birth and hadn't just been bereaved. Having a conversation with each other at all is pretty good going in the early days, IMO.

Yes thanks for all the replies. I feel massively picked on at the moment. This isn’t on. He is self employed and went back to work two days after the birth. I don’t feel supported to be honest and can’t help thinking this would be easier if I was doing it on my own. I can’t really reason with him. I own the house we live in. I’m tempted to pack a bag for him and tell him to get out.

@Clymene

At least touch him? Do he want you to give him a hand job when you've finished breastfeeding? Or perhaps you could multitask and do both things at once?

What an utter, utter arsehole. And this isn't the first time he's mentioned it and you're only 2 weeks post-partum?

I'd leave and go and stay with my mum tbh. He can stay on his own and wank himself until he's sore.

I would but sadly she died in Jan. Trust me I’d do anything to go be with her right now

I'd lay it out in simple terms.

I pushed out baby our of my vagina 2 WEEKS ago. I'm sore, I have a child near constantly attached to me, I literally couldn't feel less attractive or sexy right now

Sex is not a reward for you doing basic fatherhood

If you just want it touching, go and touch it.

In AT LEAST A MONTH AS PER RECOMMENDATIONS we may restart a sexual relationship. But not if I feel I'm a hand or a hole for your dick

What he really means is " I have detected that you adore the baby more than anybody in the world right now including me and I am so afraid I'll never get you back. He has taken over your body and mind and heart and I am so JEALOUS ".

    You're both all over the place right now;  this is perfectly normal  in brand new parents and  you'll both recover and  find each other again.    No need to LTB.

I would give him the absolute bollocking of his life.

Is he actually quite thick? You've just given birth with stitches, and your DM has died all within 2 months.

Either he's a thoughtless dim twat that needs a slap and a full telling off, or he's an evil selfish piece of shit.

What the fuck is wrong with men???

It’s not recommended to have sex for six weeks after giving birth

There's no fixed period and you can have sex again as soon as you feel ready unless medically advised otherwise. The "you feeling ready" bit is the critical bit though. Six months is too soon it the woman who has given birth isn't ready.

@Coveredindaisies - I'm so, so sorry that I didn't read your OP properly. I realised after I'd pressed post. I've asked MN to delete my post.

You poor woman, I'm so sorry for your loss and for your arsehole husband. Is there anyone you could stay with who would take care of you?

I don't think you need a counsellor yet. It's been 2 months. I don't think I men have a clue how hard it is to be a woman. Don't do anything too hasty yet.

God why is it these men don't show you what dicks they are before you have a child with them. He sounds awful, this is indeed LTB territory, I'm so sorry xx

Jesus, two weeks post partum, I had no idea whether it was night or day tbh, establishing breastfeeding, dealing with the sleepless nights, recovering from the birth, the stitches, the general pain and discomfort, the bleeding, the midwives coming every five minutes it seemed. None of that was going to put me in the mood to give my dh a quick hand job to make him feel special. Fortunately my dh is a decent human being, and put his own wants aside to support me and baby. It sounds like yours is not a decent human being. I'd think carefully about whether you think this a one off howlingly bad mistake on his part, which he can recognise and be apologetic about, or if this is just who he is.

Tell him he's a self centred prat and needs to give his head a severe wobble.

It was 4 months before I was up to anything intimate and my ds's dad didn't say a word. He was present at the birth and he knew!

@Coveredindaisies

Yes thanks for all the replies. I feel massively picked on at the moment. This isn’t on. He is self employed and went back to work two days after the birth. I don’t feel supported to be honest and can’t help thinking this would be easier if I was doing it on my own. I can’t really reason with him. I own the house we live in. I’m tempted to pack a bag for him and tell him to get out.

I think packing a bag for him is a good course of action.

Oh OP, I'm sorry to read this. What on earth do you say to someone so inconsiderate and selfish?? Fuck off? Jog on? The first couple of months after DS arrived were such a blur, I can't even remember when we had time to shower and eat let alone worrying about alone time and having sex!! (And many months after that!!) I'm so angry at him for making you feel like this; as if this wasn't an already overwhelming and delicate time already. He has no idea...this is very worrying!

If its your house and you're not married tell him to get out
Do you have real life support - friends who would be there for you?
You deserve better than this, much better

I think you should do it OP. Pack his bag and tell him to go away until he's reconsidered his atrocious attitude.

It will take something of that magnitude to get him to realize just how awful he's been and what a risk it is to your marriage.

I'm sorry about your Mum OP. I would honestly kick him out for that. He's bloody horrible.
Selfish twat

Unless this is some male post natal depression or something.

Yeah, no. That's not a thing. Nowhere is a symptom of depression mithering your DP for a handjob because you've forgotten you have two working hands.

Good grief. It absolutely IS a ltb issue, if op thinks it is, whoever said that.

2 weeks pp, with stitches? Why the hell would he want to put his grieving wife through that? Getting cross and saying the least she could do is a hand job when she burst into tears? Come ON! Any decent man would have had a fucking word with himself and comforted her. Could he enjoy a handjob (why not just have a wank?) given under duress in this situation? Perhaps she should hold the baby in the other arm? Makes me feel sick.

OP I know you know this but I'm going to say it anyway. Men who are abusive often exert the most pressure when you are extremely vulnerable. Childbirth and bereavement being the obvious time. This is not a good man.

I'm sorry for your loss, do you have other relatives or friends who could come while you ask him for a breather maybe?

I barely knew my own name two weeks after having my son. I was in pain, I was the most tired I've ever been in my life, I was just surviving. Sex didn't enter my head. He's being so awful!!

I didn't have sex until my baby was five months old! I'm so sorry he's been such an insensitive idiot.

Oh OP. He sounds truly awful.

I would give him the absolute bollocking of his life
Absolutely this. Though I'm not sure what good it will do. You would have to be a twat of the highest order to be treating you like this.

If he's shouted at you more than once in the two weeks that you have had a child together then yes it does sound like you would be better off without him.