Pregnant and husband doesn't want the baby

[PinkElephant7]

I've just found out I'm pregnant with my second child and DH doesn't want it. We've been together for 7 years and our son is 2 1/2. It isn't the ideal time but I'm 41 so conscious this is my last chance. We haven't been using protection and I wasn't concerned because I'm fine about having another child. We tried last year because I wanted to but it didn't happen for us then. I had accepted the fact that it wasn't going to happen and then it did but DH is adamant that he doesn't have the patience for another and won't be able to cope. What to do?!! He refuses to take responsibility and thinks that a termination is no big deal. My instinct is to tell him to get lost and I'll do it alone but of course that breaks up the family we currently have. I also don't have family that can help or much of a support network locally so I feel like he has left me without much choice!

What do you want - do you want the baby? If so then keep it. Your dh may or may not come round, but if you have a termination you don't want, then that may well kill your relationship anyway as you will reset him for it.

I'd have the baby and tell the husband to get with the program or fuck off TBQH

Oh OP. I feel for you. This could have easily been me, just a short while ago. We both found our first DC very challenging and I think we would have been very apprehensive I'd we'd found out I was pregnant again whilst having to deal with a 2.5 year old.

What I will say is that you're just a few months away from your DC becoming a lot more fun, easier to manage and of course childcare funding kicking in. We really struggled until about 3 years and then it started to get A LOT easier.

Whilst we would have not chosen to have another, if I'd found myself pregnant I know DH would have supported whatever decision I chose. The fact that yours is not being supportive and in fact completely unacceptable expecting you to have a termination would in your shoes, make me pick the child over him.

So sorry you're in this position.

I swear I've seen this come up a couple of weeks ago. If he's been happily shagging away, don't think he's got grounds for complaining. Tell him to fuck off.

Congratulations OP 💕

Keep your baby. 🌺

I'd have the baby and get rid of him. He's the one breaking up things by not using protection or getting the snip and expecting you to have a procedure on your body you don't want. Fuck that. 'It's a shame you feel that way but I'm not having an abortion.' 'Then you're responsible for breaking up the family.' 'No. If you never wanted another child you should have used a condom every time or had yourself sterilised. You knew I wasn't using anything and wanted another child.'

If you want to keep the baby then you should. It’s not his decision to decide that a termination isn’t a big deal because he doesn’t have to go through it.

My OH didn’t want the baby when I was pregnant with first too but I didn’t let him decide for me, I did what I wanted because it’s my body and decision. 15months later and he’s great with DD.

I know it could affect your relationship but you don’t want to go through with something that you might regret later, so think about it carefully. Good luck!

Will your relationship survive a termination? If you’re not sure, are you ok being a single parent of 2? Will (ex) dh be involved or just disappear into the night Dh is an ass hat... if he definitely didn’t want another child he should have made sure he didn’t have kne.

Your husband may come around in time OP. A lot of men get cold feet at the start and come to accept it over time. If he doesn’t then he can hardly blame you, he should have been using protection.

Do not have a termination if you don’t want to, it will destroy your relationship anyway.

I think this is a real rock and a hard place situation. If you have a termination you don't want, it will be the end of your relationship. If you have a baby DH doesn't want, it will be the end of your relationship. In which case, I'd do what you want to do, taking all that into consideration - ie keep the baby if that's what you want to do. I'm so sorry OP.

He thinks you having a termination is no big deal does he? After willingly having unprotected sex with you knowing every encounter could result in you getting pregnant?

He doesn’t care much for your well-being does he.

I wouldn’t be able to look at him again, never mind shag him again knowing how little he thinks of you, or stay married to him.

The time for deep and meaningfuls and hesitations has long since past so I don’t think he gets a say at all.

If you want another child - they don’t stay babies that long do they - then carry on with the pregnancy and divorce him. That’s what I’d do.

@wandawombat

• If he's been happily shagging away, don't think he's got grounds for complaining. Tell him to fuck off.

@willibald
*'No. If you never wanted another child you should have used a condom every time or had yourself sterilised. You knew I wasn't using anything and wanted another child.'
*

I agree with both posts ^

He might have been using termination as a contraceptive but you weren't. He could have had the snip of 'no big deal' procedures are fine to him.

Do what you want, not what he wants. It's your body.

If you terminate this pregnancy you will regret it for the rest of your life. Your husband can get to fuck, and given the disgusting lack of respect he has for you, you'll be off.

Not a kid fan but Ieven I'd pick the kid.

He is a selfish fucker who didn't care when he was getting a leg over so it jsnt solely you that should have to deal with the consequences.

No nig deal huh? I wonder if he would feel the same if you asked him to get the snip?

It's difficult. Every child deserves to come into this world knowing they are wanted and loved by both their parents. At the same time, I find it unbelievable that your husband thinks that an abortion is no big deal whilst he continues having unprotected sex. I mean, great for him isn't it? He's not the one having the abortion. I would say he's showing a real lack of empathy towards you and women generally with this attitude.

Choose the baby over the husband

In 5 years time you will regret a termination more than getting rid of a stroppy immature selfish prick of a husband

You got this

Better for current existing child also

I’m very much in favour of termination if it’s what both parents want, or in a push if it’s what the mother wants.
But it is a VERY BAD IDEA for any woman who wants a baby to terminate a pregnancy, with the exception of very serious medical reasons I would always say don’t do it. You are very unlikely to be able to forget about it and move on.

Definitely keep. Your husband willingly and knowingly impregnated you. If he can't deal with this reality then you will be better off without him.

What a specimen of integrity & responsibility.

At any point your (D)H could have made it clear that a 2nd child wasnt for him and worn condoms or booked a vasectomy. But no, he did none of that, and, as has been already stated, carried on having unprotected sex knowing the outcome could be a pregnancy. Your situation is very different to a teenager or ONS - you have another fairly young child with the same dad. I would give him some space, but proceed as you want to.

I am an older parent and only have 1 DC. As we all get older I often think how lovely a sibling might have been for the DC. (I know that can all change and not work out well, but in many families siblings have a great bond).

@Lollypop701

Will your relationship survive a termination? If you’re not sure, are you ok being a single parent of 2? Will (ex) dh be involved or just disappear into the night Dh is an ass hat... if he definitely didn’t want another child he should have made sure he didn’t have kne.

This is it isn't it. Who knows what will happen from here. Either way, it isn't good!

Tell him he's a husband and father and family man, that he chose to be one, that he's repeatedly willingly had unprotected sex with his wife; and that he can act how he chooses to act but his wife will not be having an abortion and will let people know exactly why he's left, if he leaves (that his wife refused his suggestion of aborting their baby - who was the result of knowingly having unprotected sex for months/years).

Men like this feel free to bully women and act like utter bastards behind closed doors but they would t like to be shown up for what they are in front of their family, friends and community.

He missed his chance to be the decision-maker, sounds to me as if he's just not a very pro-active go -getter. So I doubt he'll bother organising the break up of the marriage and moving out, finding himself a flat, child maintenance, all that hassle and inconvenience. The poor lamb.

Just sit tight and wait for him to get over himself.