Pregnant and husband doesn't want the baby

[PinkElephant7]

I've just found out I'm pregnant with my second child and DH doesn't want it. We've been together for 7 years and our son is 2 1/2. It isn't the ideal time but I'm 41 so conscious this is my last chance. We haven't been using protection and I wasn't concerned because I'm fine about having another child. We tried last year because I wanted to but it didn't happen for us then. I had accepted the fact that it wasn't going to happen and then it did but DH is adamant that he doesn't have the patience for another and won't be able to cope. What to do?!! He refuses to take responsibility and thinks that a termination is no big deal. My instinct is to tell him to get lost and I'll do it alone but of course that breaks up the family we currently have. I also don't have family that can help or much of a support network locally so I feel like he has left me without much choice!

Sorry your facing this situation but believe me its a very big deal sometimes its hard to ever get over it. do what you want you won't get another chance and if you regret it you will blame him. I'm 15 years down the line biggest regret ever and hate him for it he was going take my dc away so I had to choosev dc over a unborn but the pain has stayed. Your body you decide but you can't ever to back if you make the same mistake as me. It bloody hurts and the guilt eats you up inside. Good luck.

He must have known there was every chance you'd get pregnant if you used no contraception. Fertile couple using no contraception = very possible baby. I think there's every chance he will come round to the idea. Certainly don't have an abortion because it's what he wants.

I pressume he has already booked himself in for the snip as he feels so strongly about this?

@Pessismistic

Sorry your facing this situation but believe me its a very big deal sometimes its hard to ever get over it. do what you want you won't get another chance and if you regret it you will blame him. I'm 15 years down the line biggest regret ever and hate him for it he was going take my dc away so I had to choosev dc over a unborn but the pain has stayed. Your body you decide but you can't ever to back if you make the same mistake as me. It bloody hurts and the guilt eats you up inside. Good luck.

Thank you for sharing. Sorry to hear your experience. This is absolutely what I worry about. There's a big chance the relationship won't last even if I do go ahead with a termination so I think I'd rather be alone with two than one! I won't be able to do what I had hoped about work but I qualify for 12 months may pay so maybe I should just take it and worry about next steps when that time comes!

@happytoday73

I pressume he has already booked himself in for the snip as he feels so strongly about this?

I have mentioned this but he can't see why he would obvs!

@Viviennemary

He must have known there was every chance you'd get pregnant if you used no contraception. Fertile couple using no contraception = very possible baby. I think there's every chance he will come round to the idea. Certainly don't have an abortion because it's what he wants.

He might come around to it but don't think he'll be as involved as with DS1. That will probably piss me off more to be honest!

@HerMammy

Are you the same poster that your DH bullies your son and the dog and has cheated? Bin him regardless, I certainly wouldn’t want to stay married to him never mind bring a child into it!

He hasn't cheated. He's mostly great with son but had a bad moment. Yes about the dog.

Is he a bit thick?

Not being nasty but he's in the first flush of youth, is he? So he should be aware of consequences??

Not in the first flush...

Have the baby - it's probably your last chance. He's a grown man who already has a child. He knows how babies are made. (And did you say you were even trying last year??!)

He will come around to it or not, either way don't have an abortion for him. Your relationship would not survive that anyway.

If he's cruel to the dog, definitely bin him.

Get rid of him no matter what! Poor dog.

@wandawombat

Is he a bit thick?

Not being nasty but he's in the first flush of youth, is he? So he should be aware of consequences??

I know. I can't believe it either. It's the kind of thing I would expect from a young single not a married man in his 40's (unless he's cheating!)

“Have the baby - it's probably your last chance. He's a grown man who already has a child. He knows how babies are made. (And did you say you were even trying last year??!)

He will come around to it or not, either way don't have an abortion for him. Your relationship would not survive that anyway.”

This.

Ah I've just realised, if I go it alone, I can call the baby whatever I want! :)

You've previously described your dh as manipulative and he bullies the dog, and called your child disgusting.

Whatever you do at this point, make leaving him part of the plan. And take the dog with you.

Is he always such a git? Or has this come as a big surprise?

Don't terminate, you'll regret it. Let him come round or not - maybe you don't want him to anyway.

I’m so angry that men think abortion has no effect or a lesser affect in a woman that the snip does on a man. I would print out a list of all the negative affects an abortion can have on the woman physically and mentally and state “ this is why I’m leaving you”.

Sorry but it was down to both of them to sit down and discuss unprotected sex not just up to the man its the woman too, everything should always be discussed op wants the baby he does not think he will cope so expressing his opinion which according to mn is shit and he is taking the piss, what you both need to do is discuss the next steps not well he should of had the snip as op could have alway been taking the pill, so basically you 2 need to sit down like adults and decide between you what you both want ask him why he thinks he can't cope and find solutions between you, it could be due to alot of factors money, stress, job loss potential, or like me my dh does not want another one because I nearly died in child birth so many reasons but its down to the 2 grown ups to sit down and talk about it

At your age I’d pick having the baby. This is your last chance really.

@Dddccc

Sorry but it was down to both of them to sit down and discuss unprotected sex not just up to the man its the woman too, everything should always be discussed op wants the baby he does not think he will cope so expressing his opinion which according to mn is shit and he is taking the piss, what you both need to do is discuss the next steps not well he should of had the snip as op could have alway been taking the pill, so basically you 2 need to sit down like adults and decide between you what you both want ask him why he thinks he can't cope and find solutions between you, it could be due to alot of factors money, stress, job loss potential, or like me my dh does not want another one because I nearly died in child birth so many reasons but its down to the 2 grown ups to sit down and talk about it

So you missed the fact posters have pointed out he was verbally abusive to the older child and physically to the dog and is all round a knob then? Agreed OP shouldn’t have just assumed he’d be okay with it and he shouldn’t have assumed she was taking any preventative measures.

Agreed OP shouldn’t have just assumed he’d be okay with it and he shouldn’t have assumed she was taking any preventative measures.

Op naturally assumed he's be ok with it since they were actively trying and hadn't had any luck, they continued not using contraception and he apparently dud not express any new or different view on it so why should she think "now he doesn't want a pregnancy/baby".

It also sounds like he knew well.and good she wasn't using any contraception, just as he wasn't.

Op.hadbt changed her view : if he had, he needed to make it known and discuss it and discuss contraception.

He sounds like an all round c u next Tues, and this "I was happy to shoot my baby batter up you without contraception even though I don't want a baby any more,bit now you've turned out not to be past it fertility wise and I've knocked you up; have an abortion. It's no big deal.anyway" is in line with that.

He's callous, selfish, and irresponsible.

Honestly, your call. He knew what he was doing. He is behaving like a Twat.

Get rid of the prat and keep the baby, you can always replace the man but may not be able to replace the child especially if you live to regret it.