Page 2 | Pregnant and husband doesn't want the baby

PinkElephant7 · 2021-03-15T19:34:59+00:00

I've just found out I'm pregnant with my second child and DH doesn't want it. We've been together for 7 years and our son is 2 1/2. It isn't the ideal time but I'm 41 so conscious this is my last chance. We haven't been using protection and I wasn't concerned because I'm fine about having another child. We tried last year because I wanted to but it didn't happen for us then. I had accepted the fact that it wasn't going to happen and then it did but DH is adamant that he doesn't have the patience for another and won't be able to cope. What to do?!! He refuses to take responsibility and thinks that a termination is no big deal. My instinct is to tell him to get lost and I'll do it alone but of course that breaks up the family we currently have. I also don't have family that can help or much of a support network locally so I feel like he has left me without much choice!

TJ17 · 15/03/2021 20:33

I'm sorry but is he stupid? 🤔

Just wondering what he thought would happen after unprotected sex...clearly he knows seeings as he already has a child? Or does he need to go back to school...

Sorry I have nothing useful to add. Just stunned at his idiocy to be honest.

MarshmallowAra · 15/03/2021 20:34

If you stay together, tell him there'll be no further sex after the birth without him getting a vasectomy.

If anyone needed to learn responsibility, it's him.

MarshmallowAra · 15/03/2021 20:36

Oh and if make your own food and drink for the next while, I wish I was joking when I say I've seen numerous threads on a make dominated forum i used to frequent discussing putting abortifacients they get online in their pregnant partner's drinks etc.

MarshmallowAra · 15/03/2021 20:36

(male dominant).

GeorgiaGirl52 · 15/03/2021 20:37

@HoldontoOneMoreDay

I think this is a real rock and a hard place situation. If you have a termination you don't want, it will be the end of your relationship. If you have a baby DH doesn't want, it will be the end of your relationship. In which case, I'd do what you want to do, taking all that into consideration - ie keep the baby if that's what you want to do. I'm so sorry OP.

This is the complete solution.^

willibald · 15/03/2021 20:40

@MarshmallowAra

If you stay together, tell him there'll be no further sex after the birth without him getting a vasectomy.

If anyone needed to learn responsibility, it's him.

He won't get one. This type never do. Are not worth staying with.

Blue2021 · 15/03/2021 20:40

I’m so sorry OP. Tbh I know my relationship wouldn’t survive a termination. You need to think long and hard about it. Having a termination isn’t just a physical thing, it is incredibly emotional too.

If he didn’t want more kids he should id covered it or had a vasectomy. It takes two.

Personally I would keep it as I think you would regret it in 5/10 years time. Xx

2020iscancelled · 15/03/2021 20:41

My DP literally didn’t speak for about 4 hours after I told him about our 2nd. He was shellshocked and really upset. It wasn’t planned but not a huge shock as the same as you we weren’t using protection.

There is only a small gap between them and we were struggling, especially with sleep deprivation and having very little time together as not much childcare and extended support from family / friends.

But he came round, we have a beautiful family now although I know he’d probably leave if a third came along

At 41 you don’t have the luxury of time sorry, if I were you (and I have been!) then I would be keeping the baby.

The only reason to ever terminate a pregnancy would be because it’s your own choice - not anyone else’s.

If he definitely did not want another child then he should have either used condoms or have the snip

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 15/03/2021 20:44

Keep the baby, ditch the man. Always.

MarshmallowAra · 15/03/2021 20:52

He won't get one. This type never do.

Oh I think they would if they weren't getting their dick wet anymore )unless they were prepared to cheat or leave of course). Bit the women with men like this often have an unassertive, unequal dynamic and would not deny sex until he had a vasectomy.

Shrivelled · 15/03/2021 21:01

There’s no way I could ever enjoy sex with my DH ever again if he’d got me pregnant by not using contraception then pressurised me into have an abortion. The thought that a man would treat his wife’s body in that way is disgusting. Your DH needs to step up and take responsibility or piss off out of the picture. Every woman deserves better than the way he has treated you 💐.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/03/2021 21:03

@HoldontoOneMoreDay

I think this is a real rock and a hard place situation. If you have a termination you don't want, it will be the end of your relationship. If you have a baby DH doesn't want, it will be the end of your relationship. In which case, I'd do what you want to do, taking all that into consideration - ie keep the baby if that's what you want to do. I'm so sorry OP.

This ^.

"My instinct is to tell him to get lost and I'll do it alone but of course that breaks up the family we currently have."
And the responsibility for any break is his and his alone.

ZebraSpotts · 15/03/2021 21:05

Do what you want, keep the baby.

So many unknowns in future - could become a single mum for any reason (he continues to be an ass for different reasons, affairs etc) not just because you kept the baby. In which case you'd be a single mum of 1 or 2. In many ways 2 is actually easier, then look out for an entertain each other.

My husband didn't initial want our suprise 3rd. He adored them when they arrived.
He's a twat tho and cheated and more, and now I'm a lone parent to 3, he does zero days with them and it wouldn't really be that much easier if the one he didn't want hadn't existed 🤷‍♀️

HerMammy · 15/03/2021 21:06

Are you the same poster that your DH bullies your son and the dog and has cheated?
Bin him regardless, I certainly wouldn’t want to stay married to him never mind bring a child into it!

raincamepouringdown · 15/03/2021 21:08

Sounds like the relationship will be over either way, so you have to decide if you want to be a single parent to 1 or 2 children.

I'd have the baby if I was 41 and I wanted another, because I would know it was my last chance. But that's me.

Ohnomoreno · 15/03/2021 21:09

Your dude is a tosspot of the first order. Keep the baby, see what happens. He can fuck right off either way really.

GoddessKali · 15/03/2021 21:10

It looks like either way your marriage is sadly over. I guess it depends on if you want to go it alone with one child or two.
For what it’s worth, I’d keep baby

okokok000 · 15/03/2021 21:17

I think you need to really consider what you want. Sounds like you really want the baby. I'd worry that terminating would destroy the relationship.

It's traumatic to lose a baby anyway, so you might struggle to come to terms with termination if you opted for that route. I'm not saying you would, but it's a real possibility which could fundamentally alter your feelings for your partner.

Personally I'd get rid of the partner, but only you know your relationship and circumstances Re whether you could cope doing this alone.

Don't be bullied into anything.

TJ17 · 15/03/2021 21:18

@Shrivelled

There’s no way I could ever enjoy sex with my DH ever again if he’d got me pregnant by not using contraception then pressurised me into have an abortion. The thought that a man would treat his wife’s body in that way is disgusting. Your DH needs to step up and take responsibility or piss off out of the picture. Every woman deserves better than the way he has treated you 💐.

Exactly this. He has zero respect for you and your body. Disgusting.

cakecakecheese · 15/03/2021 21:25

There was a thread recently where a woman terminated a pregnancy because her husband said he'd divorce her if she didn't. You can imagine how distressed she was. She's never forgiven hm and he even admitted he probably wouldn't have gone through with a divorce.

Make the right decision for you and don't be forced into anything you don't want to do.

Original poster

PinkElephant7 · 15/03/2021 21:37

This is pretty much all that I think and have told him. The time for him to exercise choice was before having sex not after I find myself pregnant.

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Original poster

PinkElephant7 · 15/03/2021 21:41

@Shrivelled

There’s no way I could ever enjoy sex with my DH ever again if he’d got me pregnant by not using contraception then pressurised me into have an abortion. The thought that a man would treat his wife’s body in that way is disgusting. Your DH needs to step up and take responsibility or piss off out of the picture. Every woman deserves better than the way he has treated you 💐.

Totally this.

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willibald · 15/03/2021 21:41

@PinkElephant7

This is pretty much all that I think and have told him. The time for him to exercise choice was before having sex not after I find myself pregnant.

and that's right. Anything he does beyond this is coercive bullying.

Original poster

PinkElephant7 · 15/03/2021 21:45

@MarshmallowAra

Oh and if make your own food and drink for the next while, I wish I was joking when I say I've seen numerous threads on a make dominated forum i used to frequent discussing putting abortifacients they get online in their pregnant partner's drinks etc.

Wow!

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Original poster

PinkElephant7 · 15/03/2021 21:47

@TJ17

I'm sorry but is he stupid? 🤔

Just wondering what he thought would happen after unprotected sex...clearly he knows seeings as he already has a child? Or does he need to go back to school...

Sorry I have nothing useful to add. Just stunned at his idiocy to be honest.

I'm really stunned too. He said he didn't realise. WTAF?!!

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