Partner hit me infront of children

[lovelyhorse21]

my partner and i havent spoken for a few days due to an argument we had previously. This morning he began arguing with me again whilst i was sat on the sofa with my my two little children. I said i didnt want to argue infront of them and that i wasnt going to change my mind about the disagreement we had previously as i still thought i was right. at that point he started screaming came over to me put his hands around my neck and push me onto the sofa i tried to kick at him but he grabbed my hair and punched my in the head three times then dragged my across the floor, i tried to get away to phone the police as i thought he was going to kill me and all i could think of was being scared to leave my children. he followed me and smashed my phone and threw it out into the street, i tried to lock him outside then but he was stronger and pushed his way in before i could lock it. i went upstairs with the children til he left. they were distraught. he's sat outside now saying he has nowhere to go and no money and that he loves me etc. i dont know what to do. i'm also in first trimester of pregnancy.

Godspeed lovelyhorse21
💙🙏

I’m so glad you have got some help - both from your family and from the professionals you have spoken to. You’ve done absolutely the right thing in getting away and protecting your children.

Please do give a statement to police when they speak to you - or contact them yourself if they don’t call you - as this will help keep you and your children safe.

I don’t think people should be putting pressure on you to have a termination. There are lots of valid reasons for not wanting this, and I would only do it if YOU want to.

@Christmasfairy2020

Police and a termination hope your ok xx

Wow! No need for that?!

Just wanted to say well done op and send you some Covid-free squashy hugs.

This is the most important thing you will ever do for yourself and your kids. They will thank you for it and eventually you will be settled again and able to enjoy a safe and happy life.

I grew up in a DV household and woke up at 5.45am today suddenly replaying one particular scene from 40 years ago. No warning, no build up, it was just there. It's always there, never goes away and I have paid for 10 years of counselling to get to this stage.

Please think of me every time you wonder if leaving was the right thing. You are doing a wonderful thing for your kids.

Op you are so brave and such a good mum! Well done for getting help, it may seem upsetting now but in the long run you have saved yourself and your children

How are you op?

Hi, I’m feeling much better and stronger today, I know it was the right decision and even not walking on eggshells waiting for someone to wake up in a bad mood has taken a weight off my shoulders. For some reason I still love him and I really hope that feeling fades, I still feel a bit heartbroken that he did that to me and that he couldn’t even put his children first in that moment, I know I can never go back and I know I just have to do all I can to stop him doing this or worse to another woman. Thanks for all your support everyone.

Good your feeling stronger.
Did the police arrest him?

Youre so strong op

You're very strong and really admire the class and dignity in the way you have handled this appalling situation. Best of luck x

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I can understand that you still love him as 12 years ago I was in exactly the same situation.

Looking back now, I'm ashamed that I had ever been with this man and I can't for the life of me understand how I could ever have fallen in love with him. I'm now in a loving relationship.

I managed to leave after a while, but I'm still deeply regretful I didn't call the police when he put his hands on me. Don't be me. Call the police.

You need to fight for your babies and put them first. They are so precious. Never ever get back with him and report him to the police.

Hi op. Im so sorry you've gone through this. It must have been a shocking and scary experience. I think the strangling is a very worrying form of abuse. He clearly has anger and rage issues but I'm sure you are well aware of this without me telling you. If I were you (and now that you are in a safe place), I would contact woman's aid for some support and advice. They might be able to help you come to terms with this. Whilst contacting the police seems like the rational thing to do, and the automatic response for anyone not emotionally involved with this, I understand that this seems scary for you to go through with. Like others have said it's important to have this on record whether you press charges or not. Equally if you need legal aid for legal proceedings related to a split you will get it where DV is involved but a charge is required. Staying away from him at this time is the rational and safe thing to do, because he could become aggressive again and you now know what he is capable of. If he approaches you you should call 999. I would think carefully about calling the police, even though you may feel guilty (which is a natural emotion in this situation even though realistically you have nothing to be feeling guilty for), he is hurting you and contacting the police send him a clear message that what he has done is not acceptable. You don't deserve to have him hurt you and your children don't deserve to watch their main caregiver being hurt by someone they trust. Sadly growing up around DV shows children that it's acceptable behaviour... Leaving a violent relationship shows the child it is not acceptable. Social care don't simply remove children in these situations, they work with families but always put the child's needs first. They can support you to leave, go somewhere safe and help you with courses such as pattern changing so you can recognise abusive traits in the future. There is lots of support there. You are the victim here, as are your children for witnessing this. I have been through a violent relationship so I understand the emotions you are feeling right now. The guilt, the feelings of self blame, the sadness over the loss of who you thought he was and then being sucked back in by his declarations of remorse and love because you want to believe he can change and that he deserves one last chance. Sadly, these behaviours have a habit of repeating themselves. It is very sad, but undeniable. I wish you all the best. You are stronger than you know. You deserve better than this.

That's a relief to hear, OP.

So glad you are feeling better and stronger.

It's really common to have feelings for your abuser. It took me longer than I care to admit to disentangle everything I'd felt - I think of it now like a kind of addiction, more than love. But it still can take a good while to recover from a relationship like that.

You're doing so very well. Hoping you have plenty of support around you, and that you are able to get plenty of help from HCPs, police, women's aid, counsellor, therapist , as you need it - be very gentle with yourself and take good care.

Late to the thread and clearly things have moved on since the beginning. But OP, please do research how serious a red flag it is when someone puts his hands around his partner's throat. It's one of the most frightening warning signals there is.

A further common trigger for the onset of abuse is pregnancy. And once that abuse had begun it will escalate. It's a recognised pattern. It's also a known statistic that a woman is in the most danger when she first leaves her abuser.

Be under no illusions OP, this man is capable of killing you. The statistics relating to the hands round the throat attest to this. He's dangerous. I don't want to scaremonger, particularly considering you're pregnant, but you are now under others' protection and this is a very good thing. You must, must report this to the police.

I'm sorry this horrible thing is happening to you. You've had good advice from people who are clearly, sadly, well-informed about these issues. Know that whatever he has told you, this is in no way your fault.

Be vigilant.