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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner hit me infront of children

189 replies

lovelyhorse21 · 15/03/2021 09:40

my partner and i havent spoken for a few days due to an argument we had previously. This morning he began arguing with me again whilst i was sat on the sofa with my my two little children. I said i didnt want to argue infront of them and that i wasnt going to change my mind about the disagreement we had previously as i still thought i was right. at that point he started screaming came over to me put his hands around my neck and push me onto the sofa i tried to kick at him but he grabbed my hair and punched my in the head three times then dragged my across the floor, i tried to get away to phone the police as i thought he was going to kill me and all i could think of was being scared to leave my children. he followed me and smashed my phone and threw it out into the street, i tried to lock him outside then but he was stronger and pushed his way in before i could lock it. i went upstairs with the children til he left. they were distraught. he's sat outside now saying he has nowhere to go and no money and that he loves me etc. i dont know what to do. i'm also in first trimester of pregnancy.

OP posts:
HulaChick · 16/03/2021 06:17

Awful, terrible situation for you to be in and echo what everyone else has said. Not your fault, not your children's fault and definitely not the baby you're carrying's fault - none of my business, I know, but as it's been mentioned already, I really don't think you should terminate your pregnancy. You've ready got 2 kids by him and, however awful he's proved to be, you're carrying their brother or sister. Your new baby could be a good focus to help motivate you to keep him out of your life. Don't punish your baby for his disgusting treatment of you. Good luck and keep strong and focused.

ForwardRanger · 16/03/2021 06:23

@2020Diary

You must report it to the police. Your children are very young, will he want unsupervised access? If you report it you have proof of his violence, if he takes you to court for access. If you don't it is your word against his. Protect your children, report this now. Flowers
Heaping pressure and guilt onto the OP is not helpful 🙄
AnExcellentWalker · 16/03/2021 07:45

Hi @lovelyhorse21, hope you didn’t get any nasty messages from your partner overnight. Please listen to your sister, she sounds like a good person to lean on at the moment. I’m sure she would support you with going to the police if you asked her.

As please do what you feel is best for you & your children, regarding your pregnancy. If that means keeping the baby, that’s fine. If that means termination, that’s also fine. It’s your body & your life. Your STBXP doesn’t get to call the shots any more, he’s lost whatever right to that, that he ever had, when he got violent.

Branleuse · 16/03/2021 10:58

They will remember this and they will remember how you deal with it.
Its imperative that you do not get back with him, as social services would take a very dim view of that. You must not allow your children to grow up with violence. You cant change the past, but you have control over your future

Original poster
lovelyhorse21 · 16/03/2021 11:18

Hi everyone thanks for the messages, I was still struggling to phone the police today but have rung midwife and told her and am going to be checked over at the EPU. they have a duty of care to inform other parties so the assault will be logged and dealt with. Am still feeling really low, which I think is being made worse by not being in my own home but obviously I know I can’t go back and we were due to move in the next month anyway so hopefully will be a fresh start for the 3 of us. Thanks again.

OP posts:
3babylady · 16/03/2021 11:22

I'm so glad your being checked over and have taken the steps to get this on record I truly hope you understand no one should ever hurt their partner and the seriousness of his behaviour towards you leads me to believe he would only escalate this violence, women are even more at risk from violent men during pregnancy as they have an increased jealousy that your attention isn't on them, please please continue to take care of yourself.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/03/2021 11:23

I'm so sorry to read what you went through OP, please stay strong and don't go back to him. You have to protect your children as well as yourself. Who is to stay it wouldn't be one of them next time

lydia2021 · 16/03/2021 11:31

I was told once that dom abuse starts with one attack and then it multiplies until the victim of it does something.. Do not wait for this to happen. Your kids may be young but its terrifying for them to see this. If he loved you, he would not harm a hair on your head. Please protect you and your kids and get help. On news today there was a mention of a database of domestic abusers. It's been a long time coming. Stay safe call the Police.

REignbow · 16/03/2021 11:44

I’m pleased that you have contacted your midwife to get checked over. Like you said, they’ll have a duty of care to inform others. You must tell them, what he has done in the past also to give the whole picture.

Get as much support as you can and show the authorities that you priority are your children, as they witnessed this whole incident.

4Mongrels · 16/03/2021 12:11

You need to speak to the Police in order to protect your children. He will have rights to see your children and I would be doing all I could to make sure this was supervised only.

Well done for telling your midwife.

Givemeabreak88 · 16/03/2021 12:32

It’s good that you told your midwife but really you should be telling the police directly yourself, can’t your sister contact them on your behalf if you don’t want to? I know my family would have done that for me

Snorkello · 16/03/2021 14:00

So pleased to hear you are getting checked out. Take your sister if you can. She will ask the tough questions and hold your hand throughout.

It’s all going to be okay OP. You will get through this. Just focus on yourself and your babies right now.

It’s a brave thing to do to get help. We are all here encouraging you to report it because we haven’t just had to deal with it. It must be very difficult for you right now. Hopefully the EPU and midwives will help with reporting it.

Keep being strong, and take any help you need to get passed this x

AnExcellentWalker · 16/03/2021 17:58

Hi @lovelyhorse21 how did it go at the EPU? Hope everything is ok, are you any closer to feeling ready to speak to the police yet?

ArabellaScott · 16/03/2021 18:36

Great to hear you're getting checked over, OP. Be gentle with yourself.

I just wanted to say that there are so many people out there who understand exactly what you are going through, and there are so many who are ready, willing and able to help. There are specifically services set up for pregnant women, as it is so often, sadly, when abuse tends to start (or worsen).

I hope you can allow them to help and support you. All the very best. Flowers

Original poster
lovelyhorse21 · 16/03/2021 20:59

Hi, everything seemed fine but will have to wait for my scan in a few days as there were no scan slots available today. The people there were really lovely, they said this will go further as I confessed to being the victim of a serious assault and that my children witnessed it. They gave me loads of info and I read that children can be left with ptsd from witnessing dv. Feel heartbroken. Can’t quite believe how much has changed in a few days, feel sick and scared. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
2020iscancelled · 16/03/2021 21:06

OP you absolutely have done the right thing.

Please prioritise yourself and your children.

You will feel so sad and low, you will feel unsure and second guess if this is the right thing for you. You will miss him and wish you could go back and be a family etc.

But you have to remember that this man can’t be trusted. Ever.

Let all the people around you help, let healthcare and social services help you. When you haven’t got the strength let them push it forward. If you ever feel like you might crumble then let someone pick up the battle for you.

You will get through it and you will be happy in a safe, warm home with your children. It doesn’t feel like that now I’m sure but lots and lots of women have been where you are and they will tell you that it’s absolutely possible and will happen for you. Flowers

pointythings · 16/03/2021 21:10

I'm glad that it will be taken further, and I hope that you will be able to engage with the process. Your (I hope) ex needs to be faced with the consequences of his actions, because otherwise he will do it again to someone else.

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 16/03/2021 21:18

@lovelyhorse21

Hi, everything seemed fine but will have to wait for my scan in a few days as there were no scan slots available today. The people there were really lovely, they said this will go further as I confessed to being the victim of a serious assault and that my children witnessed it. They gave me loads of info and I read that children can be left with ptsd from witnessing dv. Feel heartbroken. Can’t quite believe how much has changed in a few days, feel sick and scared. Thanks everyone.
They are so young though, and because you did the right and strong thing they will not have to witness it again. That's a very important thing to remember.
DPotter · 16/03/2021 21:20

Lovely my heart goes out to you and your children.

One thing that jumped out at me from your last post and I know it words and all that but please please there is nothing to confess for. You don't need to confess, own up, or any other phrase like that. You and your children are the victims of domestic abuse. You are survivors of domestic abuse. I know I sound like I'm picking hairs but you have nothing, absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You are a survivor and you have a future.

billypopop · 16/03/2021 22:14

Well done for speaking out to the midwives. They can support you and ensure you and the children are safe.

FinnRussell · 16/03/2021 22:16

Nothing to contribute other than respect for getting out of it and I hope you and your kids stay safe and well. X

ArabellaScott · 16/03/2021 22:25

Your children are very lucky to have you, their caring, brave and strong mother, looking out for them.

More power to you, OP. Flowers

LST · 16/03/2021 22:26

I have nothing to add. But I am so sorry this has happened to you. I am glad you're safe with family. What a shit he is. You all deserve so much better

Christmasfairy2020 · 16/03/2021 22:27

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Jesskir89 · 16/03/2021 22:53

@Christmasfairy2020 I think that comment was a little insensitive. Op has never mentioned wanting a termination. Her kids are her priority so I'm guessing the one she is growing is too. Stay strong op hope you're ok Flowers