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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner hit me infront of children

189 replies

lovelyhorse21 · 15/03/2021 09:40

my partner and i havent spoken for a few days due to an argument we had previously. This morning he began arguing with me again whilst i was sat on the sofa with my my two little children. I said i didnt want to argue infront of them and that i wasnt going to change my mind about the disagreement we had previously as i still thought i was right. at that point he started screaming came over to me put his hands around my neck and push me onto the sofa i tried to kick at him but he grabbed my hair and punched my in the head three times then dragged my across the floor, i tried to get away to phone the police as i thought he was going to kill me and all i could think of was being scared to leave my children. he followed me and smashed my phone and threw it out into the street, i tried to lock him outside then but he was stronger and pushed his way in before i could lock it. i went upstairs with the children til he left. they were distraught. he's sat outside now saying he has nowhere to go and no money and that he loves me etc. i dont know what to do. i'm also in first trimester of pregnancy.

OP posts:
orpah · 15/03/2021 16:33

This reply has been deleted

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MixedUpFiles · 15/03/2021 16:34

Call the police. If you don’t, there will be no record of what he did and no protection for your children.

AnExcellentWalker · 15/03/2021 16:59

I really hope the OP is not back yet because she’s with the police.

@lovelyhorse21 - he could have killed you. And your baby. In front of your kids. Please listen to your sister.

Original poster
lovelyhorse21 · 15/03/2021 18:05

Sorry haven’t been back to update since, I am safe and staying with family. My sister took photos of my bruises and I will ring police tomorrow. Think it’s all sinking in now, I really hope my children don’t remember. I would reconsider the pregnancy but am already almost 12 weeks and am due a scan Thursday so feel like it is too late for me to take any other action. Am feeling a bit trapped. Thank you all for your kind messages, I think if I hadn’t have got the strength from this board early on then I may have let him back in the house by now. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
Jobsharenightmare · 15/03/2021 18:21

I'm so glad you are with family. What an ordeal
What are you waiting for though? Why is tomorrow going to be any easier?

nimbuscloud · 15/03/2021 18:40

Glad to hear that you are in a safe place. What age are your children?

Snorkello · 15/03/2021 18:47

I’m so glad to hear you are safe. If he contacts you at all before you manage to call the police tomorrow, please call them immediately.

You are super brave and you’re doing the right thing. Lots of virtual hugs Flowers

Ask the police to provide you with a lawyer. Legal aid should supply one for you. Try to give a statement when they are available and not before. They will also help with anything else you need.

If you can manage it, get checked out by a gp or the hospital. All of this needs to be recorded and you may need medical attention. Can your family help with the kids whilst you go? Ask your sister to go with you if she can x

TeeBee · 15/03/2021 18:51

I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through OP. It's sounds horrendous for both you and your children. So pleased that you have taken immediate action bits done easy to brush things under the carpet. The children will now feel safer.

And its not too late to take further action regarding your pregnancy. You have until 24 weeks if you choose to go down that route.

HedgeOwl · 15/03/2021 19:10

Well done for contacting your sister and staying with family. If it helps you to not feel like you’ve done it, let your sister phone the police on your behalf. You can say she saw the bruises and assumed you’d been attacked and called for you. You can call them tonight and arrange to see them tomorrow.

May17th · 15/03/2021 19:18

Has he hit you before OP? Sorry but I wouldn’t want to have his child.

DeathToCovid · 15/03/2021 19:21

Keep posting here OP, lots of people have really good advice for things like this, and you’ll get lots of support and strength too. Sorry this has happened, stay strong, especially for your children.

willibald · 15/03/2021 19:24

@lovelyhorse21

Sorry haven’t been back to update since, I am safe and staying with family. My sister took photos of my bruises and I will ring police tomorrow. Think it’s all sinking in now, I really hope my children don’t remember. I would reconsider the pregnancy but am already almost 12 weeks and am due a scan Thursday so feel like it is too late for me to take any other action. Am feeling a bit trapped. Thank you all for your kind messages, I think if I hadn’t have got the strength from this board early on then I may have let him back in the house by now. Thanks everyone.
You are not trapped! You can have a termination at 12 weeks easily. It's far from too late.
Original poster
lovelyhorse21 · 15/03/2021 19:26

No he’s never hit me before but has threatened me, smashed my other phone, smashed the tv, the house and threw a book at me which gave me bruises on my leg etc so an definitely see how it’s escalated into something like this and how it could get worse if I had stayed.

OP posts:
FreddyTheFlute · 15/03/2021 19:27

It’s not too late for a termination if that’s what you want. Why are you waiting to call the police? Someone who out his hands on your neck is very dangerous. Make sure you tell the police he did this.

FreddyTheFlute · 15/03/2021 19:27

Are your other children not his?

wandawombat · 15/03/2021 19:27

As ppl have said, strangulation is a massive red flag for future escalation to murder, basically. Really dangerous.

Original poster
lovelyhorse21 · 15/03/2021 19:29

They are his, we’ve been together for 5 years. My children are almost three and four.

OP posts:
Sn0tnose · 15/03/2021 19:37

So glad you’re safe and away from him.

I grew up with domestic violence. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, my mum didn’t leave straight away and it affected all of us. So if you feel yourself starting to wobble or you worry about how you’ll manage without him, I promise you, you are doing the right thing for you and for your children. It doesn’t matter if you’re skint, it doesn’t matter even if you have to go into a refuge for a while. There is nothing more important than not feeling scared in your own home 💐

nimbuscloud · 15/03/2021 19:37

They will absolutely remember this.
Please be sure to contact the police tomorrow.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/03/2021 19:40

I really think it would be a good idea to call the police tonight instead of waiting OP.

The quicker they are involved the quicker you can get the cogs moving and get some protection.

Men who strangle are men who kill. I think statistically they are 6/7 times more likely to kill a partner once they've strangled them.

Abuse often ramps up during pregnancy and shortly after birth, this is such a vulnerable time and you and your children need to be safeguarded.

If you leave it until tomorrow you run the risk of your adrenaline turning to trauma bonding / guilt / false promises from him.

Seize the opportunity tonight and make the call - your sister will help you explain what's happened Thanks

billypopop · 15/03/2021 19:44

Please do call the
Police tonight. You need to safeguard your children and access support from women's aid.

Littlepaws18 · 15/03/2021 19:54

As a victim of domestic violence myself I can't stress enough how important it is you ring the police, don't wait until tomorrow. The following things will happen, they will arrange to take a statement from you, they may ask for details and photos of proof who was there etc.

They will then put your name forward to a domestic violence charity and put you in touch with someone who can help you emotionally and practically ( this was an absolute life saver for me- she told me what to expect put me in touch with the right people to help and did a risk assessment, the outcome of which made me realise how dangerous it had got)

This person will stay with you giving you emotional and practical support through the whole process.

This will then help you in cases to protect your children, and protect you. If you fail to report it, then nothing can be done.

It sounds like you have a great support network around you, but please take that extra step to keep you and your family safe.

Whatever happens as a result, this is the right next step. Protect your future. Thinking of you. X

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/03/2021 19:57

Also if they can come out tonight when your children are asleep it means you can chat to them safe in the knowledge your little ones are tucked up and settled, rather than tomorrow where they may be in and out of the room etc. Please do try to call tonight if you can Thanks

CorianderBee · 15/03/2021 20:09

Hope you're Ok, OP. This sounds horrendous, but he has attacked you. If a stranger did this in the street you would press charges so why not him? It might be worse because he's supposed to love you but instead he was so angry he decided to physically batter you and risk his unborn child, your health and the well-being of his older two children.

BrilliantBetty · 15/03/2021 20:47

Why are you waiting until tomorrow? There is no need to wait. Call them.
Stop putting it off.