Not talking after an argument

[Lolly36]

What would you say is the normal amount of time for someone to not talk to you after a minor argument?

I had a disagreement with DP on Wednesday and I've pretty much had silence since then, bar a couple of replies to some of my texts. We don't live together.

I don't think you can be confused over your next step - this relationship is over. There's no need to say that to him because, really, what is there to say.

Change any passwords he may know. Pack his stuff in a black bin-liner and stick it in the shed/other place out of the way. When he resurfaces, keep any communication to when he'll collect it. Ideally leave it out for him; at best hand it over on the doorstep.

@Lolly36

Thank you all for posting. When I feel the urge to text him I just come back and read this thread.

Day 10 today and am still in the same situation. This is the longest he's ever gone. Not sure what my next step is to be honest, I'm feeling pretty confused about it all.

Oh honey I've been there. So sorry you're dealing with this.

Your next step is to take ownership of the situation and take all the power away from him. YOU get to decide what happens with your relationship now , not him. While he's all sulky and pathetic be the strong Queen you are capable of being and collect all his things and drop them off at this place (on the doorstep)

If he comes crawling back , block him. I know it seems like the hardest thing but I promise you it's worth it. You will look back at this at a later date and regret every minute you wasted with him. He will never change and you deserve to be treated better than this.

Good luck, let us know how you get on xx

Next step, bag up his belongings and put them out of sight (garage/shed). Don’t go to the effort of returning them, he can collect them as and when it suits you.

Then block him.

@nahdenmardybum Thank you, that's so nice of you to post. To be honest I just feel like crying at the moment. I don't think he's ended things with me but I can't be with someone who expects me to sit around and wait for him to finish his sulk, especially if it takes this amount of time. It's just so rubbish.

Dig deep pack up his stuff and end it with him

[quote Lolly36]@nahdenmardybum Thank you, that's so nice of you to post. To be honest I just feel like crying at the moment. I don't think he's ended things with me but I can't be with someone who expects me to sit around and wait for him to finish his sulk, especially if it takes this amount of time. It's just so rubbish. [/quote]
I've been in a few relationships like this. Or just toxic in general for other reasons. One thing I've learned along the way (I'm in my mid 40s now) is that as soon as I start to feel anxious, upset , confused , or I feel MYSELF acting in a way that I don't like (needy, "weak" , argumentative etc ) on a regular basis , I get out of that relationship.

They say no relationship is perfect and it's not but now I am with someone wonderful and I never ever feel stressed, anxious etc. It just works as we are compatible. It's easy.

It doesn't sound good to me and could only get worse if you moved in together (more reasons to argue). However the only cause of an argument you mention (re other women's social media) sounds like a criticism that he took badly - is he very sensitive? Not that that excuses 10 days of sulking.

I think so many arguments so early on aren't a good sign and his reaction is childish. A mature person would apologise or start a civil conversation to resolve the issue. If he is mid 30s, it doesn't sound like he's going to change. In fact, he's said it's the way he is. It's dysfunctional at any age but more forgivable in a teenager.

Of course you feel like crying OP. He's let you down badly

@Lolly36

Thank you all for posting. When I feel the urge to text him I just come back and read this thread.

Day 10 today and am still in the same situation. This is the longest he's ever gone. Not sure what my next step is to be honest, I'm feeling pretty confused about it all.

I'd text him one last time

Your stuff is in bags in the front garden and that's where they'll stay till you pick them up.

Then block

OP,
You may be upset and hurt, but do you really want this to be your life?

He is an abuser.
You are in an abusive relationship.
Thank goodness you don't live with him.

This is who he is.
He has shown you clearly.

You have a choice to choose a better life or to accept this and condemn yourself to a lifetime of this, and loads of bitter regret.

Dig deep and choose YOU.
Don't choose HIM.

I just can't believe that it's come to this, he was never this way in the beginning. I feel like sending him a really shitty message but he won't reply and then I'll feel even worse. There must be something seriously wrong with him to behave like this! And yet I still feel so upset about it all.

You have every right to want to send that shitty text (but dont). You have every right to feel upset. He has upset you beyond what the original problem was. He has shown you who he is and thank goodness you weren't in a full on living/married situation, that would have been absolutely horrendous. It feels horrendous now but you have escaped. You will get through this and try and focus on other things now rather than ruminating on what's, ifs or buts. Hard but you need to step away from your thoughts now.

When’s your bin collection day? I’d dig deep pack up his stuff & message him to say it’s outside for collection and will be binned if not collected by x (day before bin collection). I’d then block his number and move on with your life, you deserve better.

Being ignored and neglected will make you feel worthless.

If you really must know what is going through his head read H G Tudor
"Knowing the Narcissist"

This will show you exactly what he is thinking and how much he cares.

Every action of his is purposeful and intended, how you react is up to you but if you think this is bad wait till the future with him.

As they say "you ain't seen nothing yet"

It's natural for you to feel upset OP and it would be strange if you didn't. Finding out that your DP isn't the person you thought he was is not a nice experience for anyone. Let yourself feel sad.

When the problem of his silence and ignoring you becomes a bigger problem than the subject of the original argument and disagreement, it’s not good and doesn’t bode well.
My partner has done this to me for over 20 years. It has been devastating. I am trying to work out what I do as he is not going to change.
Avoid this man unless you are willing to bring it up repeatedly and on every instance of him doing this.
I dream about a life without this kind of upset. Don’t knowingly put yourself in a constant circumstance with him.

At this moment you have control as to whether you wish to have control as to if your life life is a total clusterfxxk of a nightmare.

It's up to you OP

He's a clusterfxxk of a future for you.

Walk. Walk. Walk.

@Lolly36

A few people have said 'imagine living with him'.

How does someone use silent treatment being in the same house? Surely it wouldn't be possible to completely ignore someone if you are sharing a bed / dinner?

That could be a completely ignorant comment by me (not intentionally) as I've never had experience of this before.

Believe me OP the silent treatment is a tool they use and they absolutely will use it whilst living under the same roof. I lived with a guy in a shared house so we had one room to ourself. He stopped speaking to me for 7 days. He wouldn’t look at me let alone speak to me! He slept with his back to me and eat without looking up. I kept asking what was wrong and he kept saying nothing. In the end I packed my bags ready to leave but Sod’s law he came home early that day. I told him I would not be treated like something stuck to bottom of his shoe and I was leaving. He broke down cried, begged for forgiveness and like a fool I did. It was the worse thing I did. He just switched tactics to punish me each time. I was always off balance and on guard. It’s all about power and control. It took me 25 years to realised that simple truth! Don’t be me. End it now. He’s told you he will not compromise so neither should you.

I would end it, it's emotional abuse and he sounds like a child. Nothing to be confused about, do you really want to live walking on eggshells.

OP, I'm not really sure exactly why you are giving him all the control in the relationship ??

Do you not think you are worth more ?
Do you think it's up to you to somehow make him feel better?
Do you feel responsible for his sulking ?
Do you feel you've invested too much in the relationship to quit ?

Why are you 'hanging on' and 'waiting' for him to decide whether or not to continue this relationship ??

You already know you hate his sulking
You already know he's done it before
You already know you've told him it hurts you

Therefore, you already know what the future holds if you stay with this piece of shit!

Aren't both you and your DC worth more ??

@updownroundandround That's the kind of kick up the bum I needed, so thank you.

Felt so upset last night but have got up today and turned my phone off for periods of time to stop myself from texting him.

Stay strong OP. Your future self will be eternally grateful to you.

Send him a text telling him it's over and then block him

Text him something like this... I'm not prepared to stay in a relationship with someone who sulks like a silly toddler over a disagreement. It's over. You've got three days to collect your stuff or I'm binning it. Don't contact me.

He's not worth worrying and stressing about. He's a man-child.

It doesn't sound good to me and could only get worse if you moved in together (more reasons to argue). However the only cause of an argument you mention (re other women's social media) sounds like a criticism that he took badly - is he very sensitive? Not that that excuses 10 days of sulking.

So much of this.

This is the longest he's gone because you aren't apologising, asking him to come back and engaging with it.

Go back to the initial argument, are you happy that you raised the fact that you were uncomfortable with his engagement with other women online? If yes, then if you apologise/text him, you are saying, "I have no boundaries". Do you have boundaries?