Page 4 | He did the mash. The Geller mash.

StuckInPollyannaMode · 2021-03-12T15:55:09+00:00

Thread 4. Wow. Thank you for putting up with my ramblings thus far, and for all the support - I couldn't have done it without you all. Previous thread [[https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a4152048-Don-t-mention-the-jasmine here]] I can confirm he has purchased a masher. He sent me a picture of it and asked if it was alright [confused]

StarsonaString · 14/03/2021 13:37

How pathetic @Tangledtresses

I wonder how many useless men would just quietly die of neglect if women at large withdrew labour from them.

Original poster

StuckInPollyannaMode · 14/03/2021 14:13

Wow. Utterly blindsided.

The girls have just told me he is getting them a puppy.

I bloody BEGGED for a dog for 2 years.

Also, it was his birthday yesterday. The girls really thought about his presents. DD1 got him a football and DD2 a nice cooking book. I gave him a card, because I wanted to be the bigger person.

DD2 is devastated. When he opened her present he said that it was a present for her not for him really. She said no, it’s so you can work out your stress and anger without shouting at us (I didn’t know that was why she wanted to get him one) and he laughed and said no, it’s for you because you like football.

I’m absolutely fucking furious. She was sooooo excited. He’s just squashed her flat. And a fucking DOG???

Suggestions on how to handle this welcomed. Because right now I want to throttle him.

OP posts:

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 14/03/2021 14:19

Take deep breaths. He won't get a puppy. He hasn't got anybody to pick up its shit, walk it, feed it, take it to the vet, sort out insurance, stop it from eating the sofa, look after it all day and night or generally keep it alive and legal.

Mix56 · 14/03/2021 14:19

Its incredulous he hasn't got more pride than to ask all the wives for help, do these women have husbands?
What is the point of delaying buying a printer?
I'm sure he never helped DDs celebrate Mothers Day previously, so just rejoice that you are free.... & no longer sorting out all his tiny incompetences
Was the homework done ?

Original poster

StuckInPollyannaMode · 14/03/2021 14:26

Yes, the homework was done

OP posts:

onyourway · 14/03/2021 14:26

Listen if he can't source a masher, he definitely can't source a puppy

Original poster

StuckInPollyannaMode · 14/03/2021 14:27

He’s buying the puppy from a parent at school. Their dog is due in a month.

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Raindancer411 · 14/03/2021 14:27

If he cannot look after the girls, gawd knows how he will manage a puppy!! I take it, it's to get the girls to want to stay with him more?

RonSwansonsChair · 14/03/2021 14:27

I'm so sorry for your poor daughters!
Re the puppy, make sure he doesn't think it comes with you too your house when it's your time to have the children - I can just envisage him trying that!

Raindancer411 · 14/03/2021 14:27

What dog is it out of interest?

JustNotFunAnymore · 14/03/2021 14:34

@RonSwansonsChair

I'm so sorry for your poor daughters! Re the puppy, make sure he doesn't think it comes with you too your house when it's your time to have the children - I can just envisage him trying that!

This!!

pointythings · 14/03/2021 14:38

I'd be very concerned for the puppy's welfare. Puppies are very, very hard work and given that Geller can't even manage patient parenting with actual human children, that puppy is going to be in trouble.

RandomMess · 14/03/2021 14:39

Your poor DC and the poor puppy

I don't think it is worth your breath saying anything to him, it's who he is completely emotionally stunted.

Get your DDs down counselling, keep reading and re-reading "How to talk so kids will listen"

Work on reducing their time with him.

FannyFlapClap · 14/03/2021 14:43

Might be worth contacting the breeder and making her aware that it might not be a good idea to sell a puppy to someone who lacks basic childcare needs and life skills. A breeder with any morals would vet very carefully the competency of a potential new owner.

I would also make it clear to Geller that the puppy would be his sole responsibility. I can see him using it as a way to emotionally manipulate you and your children "but mummy doesn't want to take your dog for a walk, look after your puppy during holidays" etc potentially making you the 'bad guy.'

It's quite amazing that he has the time and money to look for a puppy but can't be arsed to source a printer/computer for his children to help with their education. Is he going to call on your friends when he needs assistance with his dog too? Geezo, what an utter selfish man.

RandomMess · 14/03/2021 14:44

I would ensure one of your friends tells that parent that he has no idea of how to look after his own DC and that he is now way knowledgable or really wanting a dog let alone a puppy.

A decent breeder/owner will not want their puppy going to a home like that.

Original poster

StuckInPollyannaMode · 14/03/2021 14:47

I will speak to the other parent. I am very VERY concerned about it. He doesn’t even like dogs.

So I messaged him to say how upset she was.

He came back with ‘I’m sorry. I was jocular on the ball for her. But was upset she talked about anger. I need to have her alone to play with the ball as it never works with them both.‘

I am hiding in the bathroom having a cry.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 14/03/2021 14:48

CongealedCrags · 14/03/2021 14:54

Can we start a sweepstake on how long before you get the first whinging about puppy text and also how long after that he offers to kindly give you the puppy?

frazzledasarock · 14/03/2021 14:55

He’s going to send the puppy to you, you’ll either end up with the dog or get the blame for him having to return the poor thing because you’re ex is incapable of doing anything.

Big hug for your poor DD, that was a well thought out and very grown up choice of gift, especially as she was considering giving him an outlet for his aggression. She’s more mature and thoughtful that he is.

toolatetofixate · 14/03/2021 14:57

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Wow. Utterly blindsided.

The girls have just told me he is getting them a puppy.

I bloody BEGGED for a dog for 2 years.

Also, it was his birthday yesterday. The girls really thought about his presents. DD1 got him a football and DD2 a nice cooking book. I gave him a card, because I wanted to be the bigger person.

DD2 is devastated. When he opened her present he said that it was a present for her not for him really. She said no, it’s so you can work out your stress and anger without shouting at us (I didn’t know that was why she wanted to get him one) and he laughed and said no, it’s for you because you like football.

I’m absolutely fucking furious. She was sooooo excited. He’s just squashed her flat. And a fucking DOG???

Suggestions on how to handle this welcomed. Because right now I want to throttle him.

There's nothing to handle. He's entitled to get a dog if he wants one. He's a prick of the highest order but you need to concern yourself a lot less with what he's doing.

Original poster

StuckInPollyannaMode · 14/03/2021 15:03

I know I have no right to comment on the puppy and I won’t.

What I am concerned about is that due to his ineptitude and inability to control dogs that the girls get hurt. Or that he ends up having to get rid of it because he can’t cope, thereby letting the kids down again.

He is USELESS with dogs, and quite scared of them. So I don’t know what he thinks he’s doing.

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harknesswitch · 14/03/2021 15:05

All you can do is be there to pick up the pieces when he gets rid of the dog. Not his pieces but the kids of course.

However I would draw a line in the sand and tell yourself you will never EVER get involved with the dog, to help out or discuss in anyway shape or form.

If he can't sort a printer or masher a dog will be a disaster.

As for the football, he's an absolute wankbadger for the way he handled it, but all you can do is be there for the dc. As you said, be the bigger person. Your dc will realise this if they haven't already.

toolatetofixate · 14/03/2021 15:12

@StuckInPollyannaMode

I know I have no right to comment on the puppy and I won’t.

What I am concerned about is that due to his ineptitude and inability to control dogs that the girls get hurt. Or that he ends up having to get rid of it because he can’t cope, thereby letting the kids down again.

He is USELESS with dogs, and quite scared of them. So I don’t know what he thinks he’s doing.

He sounds completely useless and unfortunately your children are probably in for a lot of disappointment from him. But you are no longer together and you really just have to let him get on with it.

There are clearly a lot of people invested in these threads but it's maybe best for you if you try to let go of caring about what he's doing. Keep contact to the barest minimum and let him muddle through. Hopefully he'll grow as a person and start to be a better father because of this.

Focus on yourself.

DartmoorDoughnut · 14/03/2021 15:16

Oh sweet lord I just want to throttle him so fuck knows how you’re feeling

how DARE he be so rude to his daughter
I know quite a lot of people in dog rescue so shout if I can help when he fails to listen to reason
what sort of dog is it?

Mix56 · 14/03/2021 15:33

Yes, he's doing it to "buy" the dds interest, but I agree he won't keep it long, he will have to source food, pay a dog walker when he's at work, clear up the pee & shit, take it for walks even in the rain, groom it, bath it, take it to vet, train it.... what's he going to do next ? Ask your gfs to dog sit?
I hate him for bringing a dog into his life.

I would be hard pressed not to send him an email challenging him on all the negatives, & making it clear you will not be stepping in to foster it when he realizes that devotion & patience is required, neither of which he posesses.
But I wonder if this a deliberate wind up to bate you, maybe he thinks the girls will forget about it?
I suppose its best to let him fail alone