He did the mash. The Geller mash.

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Thread 4. Wow. Thank you for putting up with my ramblings thus far, and for all the support - I couldn't have done it without you all.

Previous thread here

I can confirm he has purchased a masher. He sent me a picture of it and asked if it was alright

Yes... this crap never happens on @StuckInPollyannaMode’s watch

Surely scapegoating one of the children like this is cruelty. While @StuckInPollyannaMode doesn’t pretend that her girls are angels, she certainly doesn’t have the same issues with DD1 as Gellar does. The way he describes her is really horrible.

Tbf the thumb injury did happen at Polly’s, not that Geller isn’t an utter twat obvs but it was just an unfortunate accident.

Inset day here so boys still in their pjs

I took what Polly said to mean Gellar was talking about a fresh injury to the thumb, done this weekend whilst he had charge (ha!) of the girls.

I unfortunately have experience of twatface being 'nice' (as capable as he is to be kind and nice), to one child and really mean to the other. It really messed up both DC, they both hate ex for it. My older DC had to act as younger DC's protector durign contact as she saw her father being really nasty to her baby sister.

Younger DC references ex as spermdonor whenever he comes up in conversation with friends, her friend started calling him that and she has decided that is what he is. I've had no part in this she told me quite gleefully recently.

I really think do as Annie suggests and compile evidence and present it to court as to why you should be the resident parent and go for larger share of the child contact (or whatever term is now used).

I do wonder if you're my DM @frazzledasarock 😂

Well it's been quite the rollercoaster. Again.

I am trying so hard to remember what I decided on this weekend! But feel so much better for it. Yesterday I used my anger with Geller to clean the house from top to bottom. Still the room of random shite to sort out, but I've clean bedding and a clean house. Even got through 4 loads of laundry and did a work task I've been putting off for two weeks.

So. DD1 did cause a fresh injury, but it was an accident, that much is clear. Whereas he told me it was deliberate.

I've spoken to SHL. She agrees with me on the way forward I have decided on and given me good advice.

I messaged him to say given how well we have managed to communicate about the children, could we meet on neutral ground to talk about finances and come to an arrangement, as we are both grown ups who manage complex situations at work and if we can both compromise a little it would save us a great deal of time, money and stress. (Final throw of the dice by me).

His reply completely got my back up, but I have styled it out. Includes the fantastic line 'There is a staggering amount of money sitting there and opportunities are passing you by, there's now even 5% mortgages. Whilst my solicitor is acting in my interests, she's pretty shocked by your offer in a genuine way. I will suggest some dates over the next 2 weeks'

So I just went back with I can do x, y and z.

He said 'I can do X at yours, and Y at mine. We don't need to meet on neutral ground'

To which I said 'I can do X at yours'

I'm damned if he's coming into my safe space and talking down to me like the patronising shit that he is. This way I can walk out if I want to. I have worked out with SHL what my minimum is, I will go in higher and then concede. If that doesn't work, I have a couple of things up my sleeve, if those don't work, I'll see him in court.

As a complete aside, have any of you tried the Trinny London make up? I'm in love with my new blusher! And my CC cream - although I caught the sun at the weekend so need to get a new shade for summer!

All on for the children's birthday this weekend. They are so excited and I'm off shortly to pick up one of their bikes - got to assemble the other one, given a certain someone is completely useless! Determined to do it by myself. Surely it's only a case of putting the wheels, pedals, saddles and handlebars on and then connecting the brakes? We shall find out...

You can do the bikes, Polly! These things aren't hard - just follow the instructions, be patient and have gin ready for afterwards.

I think your plan is a sensible one, including the giving yourself a walking out option. His solicitor just writes what Gellar wants them to, btw - I would imagine that they will be tearing their hair out if it does come to court and they have to make those ridiculous demands in front of a judge.

We put together a bike this weekend; it was really complicated. It seemed simple (as you say, just wheels, pedals, saddles, handlebars...), but the brakes are confusing if you don't know what each of the bits do (we didn't). There were about 3 or 4 different screws/bolts that you could tighten/loosen, and no indication of what the purpose of each was. We assumed there would be assembly instructions, but there weren't.

If the shop offers a bike-putting-together-service, I would recommend using it. This comes from a someone who spent the whole afternoon battling with it, and ended up taking it back to the shop to get the brakes set up properly anyway!

Yes I'm very good at putting things together, but there is also the chain tension, gears ???
I'd happily pay someone with a bike stand !

& YES, hoorah for moving ahead with this final settlement

All sounds brilliant, Polly!

And I just KNEW Gellar lied about DD1, the nasty wee gobshite

G reading your settlement. I’m shocked. I’m flabbergasted. The audacity.
Solicitor ... yes, I can see you weren’t expecting this.
G: I’m so relieved we are on the same page and see eye to eye about the path forward. I have to do the generous thing of course and talk to her, you’ve never met a more stubborn woman but I shall gird my loins for the fray, not militantly of course, I’ll be the soul of reason, the very essence of equitable. Once I’ve properly explained the mutual synergies of my proposal, she must come around. Let’s diarise for reconvening.
Solicitor...

G to you- my solicitor can't believe you’re serious, they are shocked.

Don’t tell me that about the one bike I’ve left to do til tomorrow - I’ve just battled with Halfords and driven home extremely carefully and then taken the numberplate and light board off, the bike and last of all the damn rack. I’m exhausted 🤣

I used to have a mountain bike and hurl myself down hills - how hard can it be?!

Not helped by massively feeling the run I had this morning which was with my running buddy and faster than I’ve ever run before - I hurt (in a good way!)

Right, time to get the washing in and go pick up the kids.

Hahahahaha @timeisnotaline are you ACTUALLY his solicitor?!

What's hilarious is that you have a contract for the rental it's not like you can move out tomorrow!!

He is the one that meant renting was your option as he was so devious and stubborn over finances in the first place!

For some reason he is very miserable with you living there do you have any idea why it annoys him so much? If it's the location I would be saying at that you are following up leads as you plan to stay there as the DDs love it so much 😂

Damn straight don't let him into your safe space!!!

How 'safe' is his space? Is there any chance that he would refuse to let you leave until he's 'had his say'? I'm not trying to insinuate you would be in actual danger, I don't know him, just that you don't want to be forced to listen to him because he won't let you leave.

His solicitor is probably thanking their lucky stars that they are not married to the tight, sneaky, money hawking bawbag. You know by now he talks shit, OP, so treat this little revelation from his solicitor as you have with the rest of the bull he's told over the years.

God I feel lonely tonight. All of a sudden. The girls are here, I’ve friends I can phone or see, I just feel this yawning emptiness. I want a cuddle on the sofa and someone to make me a cup of tea.

Hugs, divorce is lonely at times. You have gone from years of having someone automatically there to being the only adult.

Be kind to yourself

As an aside the Christmas Eve building the Noddy Trike has gone down in legend, 'twas a veeeeeery late night!

Moments like that are part of the grieving process, Polly. It's tough, but you will get though this one and through the ones that will follow. They will get less and less frequent as time goes on. Have a virtual from me.

@StuckInPollyannaMode

God I feel lonely tonight. All of a sudden. The girls are here, I’ve friends I can phone or see, I just feel this yawning emptiness. I want a cuddle on the sofa and someone to make me a cup of tea.

In agreeing to a 'negotiation appointment' you have taken another step forward in the divorce process. It's another step in the 'death of the dream'. You had a dream of what your life would be and you're in the process of giving up that dream.

So it's only natural that having taken another step you feel let down and sad. Let yourself feel what you feel. Then tomorrow you'll take a deep breath, stand tall, and move forward.

You had a long w/e, then came back to the shit he showers every time he has them, plus the financial meeting bore
Have a nice bath, & an early night.
Tomorrow you will be up all might building the bike !

I’m going to make a cuppa and head to bed with Briony Gordon’s The Wrong Knickers. Not in the mood for a self help book. Thank you for reassuring me this is normal.

Kicking myself as I’ve been snappy with the kids tonight, but they were being a pain in the proverbial. I’ve told them after the weekend they need to start helping round the house more. It’s ridiculous that it’s gone 9pm and it’s only now that I’m sitting down.

Oh, and he’s totally fucked me off tonight. DD2 wants to go into after school club for the next two Thursdays. DD1 (blimey) wants to spend time with him and go for a walk before picking her sister up. Don’t forget Thursdays are his contact days.

His response?

‘My view is that the girls have no real concept of time, so trying to do a walk as well is asking a lot. I really need to be on a call next week. I’d say book them in the club and I’ll pick up at 4.45.’

I’m inclined to say well I’ll pick her up then you miserable fucker. Honestly. Here’s his chance to mend bridges but no. Work comes first.

What you actually need to do is "your day Gellar you sort it, shame you can't hear that DD is wanting one on one with you"