He did the mash. The Geller mash.

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Thread 4. Wow. Thank you for putting up with my ramblings thus far, and for all the support - I couldn't have done it without you all.

Previous thread here

I can confirm he has purchased a masher. He sent me a picture of it and asked if it was alright

That is my fear, @Mix56, That he will use Polly's absence and not being able to upset, disrupt and control Polly contact her on HIS contact time to cause a huge drama for the girls 🙄😞😡

I wonder if once he finds that Polly is happy having time on her own... that he suddenly stops wanting to have the DC as often. (Am I being too mean?)

@1WayOrAnother2 I think you’ve got it

that would be a win win surely.

Hope you’ve had a lovely relaxing day in the sunshine Polly

@Mix56 @1WayOrAnother2 @Justilou1
How? Ok, it saves the DDs from him, but it means he gets away with not parenting at all (he IS their Father, and has responsibilities!) and that Polly can't have any kind of life, apart from the children.

Which I think he can't be allowed to get away with. Men being fucking incompetent just to get out of their responsibilities is NOT acceptable. Nor is learned helplessness.

He is NOT a drug addict, unemployed, nor (as far as we know!) is he physically abusive (yes emotionally I know, I know)

He holds down a responsible job, manages work people, so he can fucking well get on with being a PARENT to HIS children.

And if he does a bad job, well he can go on parenting courses, learn how to be a better parent etc.

Of course, If he can't (or won't) then he forfeits ALL rights to contact, and pays the price in spousal maintenance and huge payoffs to Polly

#rantover

I see what you are saying.
However, the Dds are getting traumatised each time they have to be in his care.
If he only has them EOW, Polly will get more money & peace from his bullshit.
The girls will be calmer. happier. healthier

Yeah, but he will STILL pull the contact/moaning/panic bullshit on his time, and Polly will get no peace.

He’s going to end up not parenting at all and @StuckInPollyannaMode is going to end up having to return to court to get what she is owed. An expensive and time-consuming process. Not to mention physically and emotionally exhausting one. Why assume that’s how it will end up? It’s logical. If the courts assess it that way, @StuckInPollyannaMode only has to go through it all once and any contact with Geller is voluntary.

Yes, tbh I think Polly just has to woman up and do the court stuff, no more trying to compromise.

@SpringCrocus

Yeah, but he will STILL pull the contact/moaning/panic bullshit on his time, and Polly will get no peace.

If it’s less time it’s easier to ignore messages and let them ride it out then reassure and parent the rest of the time.

A lurker writes: I think Polly has womaned up just fine. It's been a very long journey.

@Anniegetyourgun

A lurker writes: I think Polly has womaned up just fine. It's been a very long journey.

Hear! Hear! And she's getting stronger and wiser every day. Go Polly! 🌹

@Anniegetyourgun

A lurker writes: I think Polly has womaned up just fine. It's been a very long journey.

Absolutely! Polly has been AMAZING & will continue to be so.

I'm not disputing that Polly has been amazing. I do think it's time to go to court.

At the moment solicitor is on holiday and Polly is on break.

She has emailed her solicitor but not heard back yet due to the above.

Court process takes time and it is backlogged due to covid.

And also Polly has to do this in her own time. She has not said she won’t take it to court. This has to be something that Polly is comfortable doing. Court is expensive and can be unpredictable IME. The world of common sense and reason doesn’t necessarily apply in courts. So trying to get things hashed out between then in the first instance was imminently sensible IMO.

Do they look at his previous parenting history from past marriages/adult kids? He has form for this!

I’m sitting by the sea, with a chicken and halloumi flat wrap on order. The sun is shining and last night I slept for ten hours.

Friday night I cried and cried. Yesterday I ran and did Pilates and sat on the beach for 4 hours with a book. I’m reading Vex King’s Good Vibes and Ferne Cotton’s Happy and I’ve had several revelations which have just rocked my world. Need to work my way through them. Today I cried on my run, it was just so beautiful and the sky so big and it all came out. Fortunately there weren’t many folks around!

I’m so pleased I came away - I feel so much better for it. I’ve caught the sun and had some time out and the weather has been glorious.

I’ve had several messages from Gellar which I’ve ignored - no missed calls though, sorry @Justilou1! The one I didn’t ignore was when he told me DD1 had deliberately kicked DD2 on the hand and he was worried about her thumb. FFS.

I’m heading back after lunch to take DD2 to have her thumb checked and redressed - was booked when I took her on Friday morning - cuts my weekend short, but I don’t trust him. Plus with Covid can’t take both of them to the hospital.

I’ve decided I’m going to try and talk to him directly. One last go. State what my minimum is and see if he will concede anything. If he won’t - court and I’m not messing around. The housing market is starting to move and I want to know what I’m doing.

Tomorrow I’m going to clean the house, do my laundry, and work my butt off. My clients deserve it.

I feel stronger than I have in a long time.

I’m pleased that you’ve recharged your batteries Polly. Good for you.

So sorry about DD2, think you are wise to return to take charge of her. Glad you feel refreshed after the break.

He is such a useless parent, he just cant calm them, occupy them or even separate them when things get so fraught, almost certainly due to him ignoring or upsetting them.
Glad you had a great w/e... in spite of the crying!
I hope the dds are OK & dont play up instantly you are back

Your weekend sounds so cathartic and cleansing. Sorry it's come to an early end but your DDs will see it's their mum that once again comes to make everything alright for them

@StuckInPollyannaMode

It's such a tightrope for a responsible parent to walk when dealing with an asshole parent. Trying to find the balance between protecting the children and not letting the asshole get away with murder, non-parenting-wise.

You're doing a great job of walking that tightrope!

I know I approach from a "US-centric" place, but if you keep his texts and messages and a log of the times he's said he 'can't cope', can he be made by the courts to have SS involvement during his parenting time?. I mean like contact centre or a SW doing 'drop in' visits. Maybe that would embarrass him into stepping up.

To me, his absolute purpose is to legally get 50/50 so he doesn't have to pay maintenance with the knowledge that he'll be able to foist the DDs back on you 90% of 'his' time due to his abysmal parenting. That and interrupting Polly's life, of course.

Honestly, I'm wondering if DD1 actually was responsible for the DD2 injury.
I wouldn't put it past Gellar to lie about it, he seems determined to make DD1 out to be unmanageable and out of his control

I'm so glad you've had a wonderful time . It feels good when you realise you can go away and you don't need permission to chill and take time for yourself , I hope you carry on having these weekends and breaks for you 🌼