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Original poster

Husband bought gift for another woman

162 replies

Egertion · 09/03/2021 05:27

As the subject reads, he bought another woman a gift on international womans day (the day might have been a coincidence) and something feels weird about it.

She's an ex colleague, a lot younger than him, pretty (never met her but he's told me she's pretty and popular with the boys) and single. He was her older married boss for a few months and I know he was sad to see her go as he's said so.

The gift was a book which would have reminded her of their time together. Quite personal and could be seen as a bit funny but not romantic if that makes sense.

He's not the kind of guy that buys gifts, not to me at least unless there's a birthday etc. So it is out of character.

I found out as he told me after ordering it (it was ordered on my amazon account so the confirmation email went to me). He might not have realised he was logged into mine rather than his own. Or he knew and just assumed I would be fine with it.

He is now in a mood and says I am overreacting and that he's just bought a gift for an old colleague.

What's your opinion?

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 09/03/2021 05:29

What was the reason for buying it?

Original poster
Egertion · 09/03/2021 05:36

He says there was no special reason apart from him wanting to give it to her. There are staff leaving every week/month but this is the first time he's decided to do something like this. She also left quite some time ago, he would have had to ask around for her address as she's moved to a different country.

OP posts:
Sally2791 · 09/03/2021 05:39

Generally men don’t bother to make an effort unless they have a vested interest.

fuzzymoon · 09/03/2021 05:43

It's odd to put the blue send a gift to someone you no longer work with and left a while ago. To me this sounds like they are still in contact. I feel there is more to this than sending a present out the blue.

Original poster
Egertion · 09/03/2021 05:43

That is my opinion too, but I can't see what he would get out of it. She's in a different country now. I don't get it and that bothers me. 😕

OP posts:
Bmidreams · 09/03/2021 05:48

Did she leave because of him?

Original poster
Egertion · 09/03/2021 06:05

@Bmidreams

Did she leave because of him?
I don't know her reason for leaving unfortunately.
OP posts:
Original poster
Egertion · 09/03/2021 06:16

@fuzzymoon

It's odd to put the blue send a gift to someone you no longer work with and left a while ago. To me this sounds like they are still in contact. I feel there is more to this than sending a present out the blue.
Maybe I need to ask him if they are. Never crossed my mind.
OP posts:
WouldstrokeTomHardy · 09/03/2021 06:19

Somethings off OP. It's a very odd thing to do

Original poster
Egertion · 09/03/2021 06:47

@WouldstrokeTomHardy

Somethings off OP. It's a very odd thing to do
That's what I feel but I am the bad one for suggesting it's odd and subsequently hurting him. Just needed someone else's perspective so it is reassuring I am not completely alone feeling something is off. If my previous (and very nice boss) had done this to be I would have felt slightly uncomfortable about it.
OP posts:
chocolateorangeinhaler · 09/03/2021 06:50

Would you be worried if he bought a gift for another man?

He bought a non romantic funny book then posted it.

You said she now lives in another country too, so what's the problem? It's a one off gesture for someone he got on with at work.

Has there been issues in the past or more to this ex colleague than you have let on?

disappear · 09/03/2021 06:59

Would you be worried if he bought a gift for another man?

It would still be odd to buy a gift for a former colleague for no reason.

Purplepeople12 · 09/03/2021 07:00

He was open about it, I wouldn't worry too much at this point, just maybe keep an eye out for anything else that is amiss

Bmidreams · 09/03/2021 07:02

If my dh did this there would definitely be more to it. He's not a gift buyer and does not have female friends.

I asked the reason she left. Thought the gift could be a peace offering? A smoothing of the waters?

NotAgainNoMore · 09/03/2021 07:03

It suggests to me that they've probably stayed in touch. How would you feel about that?

Original poster
Egertion · 09/03/2021 07:10

@chocolateorangeinhaler

Would you be worried if he bought a gift for another man?

He bought a non romantic funny book then posted it.

You said she now lives in another country too, so what's the problem? It's a one off gesture for someone he got on with at work.

Has there been issues in the past or more to this ex colleague than you have let on?

It would have been very odd yes. Completely out of character.
OP posts:
FreddyTheFlute · 09/03/2021 07:12

Completely out of character.

This is the issue

Original poster
Egertion · 09/03/2021 07:17

@NotAgainNoMore

It suggests to me that they've probably stayed in touch. How would you feel about that?
I would wonder why he kept that a secret from me. If it would be the case he would have had to be secret about it and not done it in front of me. He phones/videocalls/texts all his other mates, males as well as females in my presence.
OP posts:
TheJerkStore · 09/03/2021 07:18

It would still be odd to buy a gift for a former colleague for no reason.

Not necessarily...... my DH received a gift in the post from a former colleague yesterday. It was a foodstuff from her hometown. She's recently moved back and they'd had conversations about how DH loves this particular food.

It was just a nice gesture.

You know your husband and should know if this feels off to you.

DownTownAbbey · 09/03/2021 07:21

He was open about it, I wouldn't worry too much at this point, just maybe keep an eye out for anything else that is amiss

That's just 'hiding in plain sight' to create 'plausible deniability'. Or he realised he'd used OPs account by mistake and was therefore forced to front it out.

If he's not the gift buying sort it's funny he's chosen to act out of character with an attractive female. Him sulking and being affronted by your suspicions is sadly predictable.

rainbowstardrops · 09/03/2021 07:24

If he doesn't generally buy gifts usually then I'd find it quite odd. I'd want to know where my present was!

Standrewsschool · 09/03/2021 07:26

Yes, a bit weird to buy a gift for a colleague he worked with for a few months, and left a while ago. Had it been a leaving gift, not so bad, but still out of character. It’s not as if he was in a bookshop, happened to see it and thought x would like that. Going on Amazon, finding the book and ordering it is a deliberate, pre-meditated act.

tropicalwaterdiver · 09/03/2021 07:30

I wouldn't worry much - she has left, lives in another country and its just a book.
When I read your thread title I thought about perfume or jewellery, that would be worrying...

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 09/03/2021 07:35

The truth is that it indicates he likes her a lot, is thinking about her and wanted to impress her. This also keep an open channel with her in the context of the above.

I would also be upset by that. Just because he hasn't done anything that in theory is not wrong, what it indicates about him and also to her, is a whole different matter. He's basically just told her she's special.

thesunwillout · 09/03/2021 08:01

Agree with Wishing's post.

It's the still thinking about her, she was only there a few months and left ages ago.
At most you might post on Facebook or something a general wish to all on international women's Day.

The gift does have some sort of emotional investment even if not a specifically romantic gift.