Husband bought gift for another woman

[Egertion]

As the subject reads, he bought another woman a gift on international womans day (the day might have been a coincidence) and something feels weird about it.

She's an ex colleague, a lot younger than him, pretty (never met her but he's told me she's pretty and popular with the boys) and single. He was her older married boss for a few months and I know he was sad to see her go as he's said so.

The gift was a book which would have reminded her of their time together. Quite personal and could be seen as a bit funny but not romantic if that makes sense.

He's not the kind of guy that buys gifts, not to me at least unless there's a birthday etc. So it is out of character.

I found out as he told me after ordering it (it was ordered on my amazon account so the confirmation email went to me). He might not have realised he was logged into mine rather than his own. Or he knew and just assumed I would be fine with it.

He is now in a mood and says I am overreacting and that he's just bought a gift for an old colleague.

What's your opinion?

@N4m3Change It's actually gobsmacking that they believe you will not notice that they've just scurried away to delete evidence. I'ts almost as insulting as the messaging, and then to blame us for having the cheek to ask. How awful it must be for these poor guys 🤣

@Egertion hope you’re ok?

Hope you're ok OP.

@Egertion do you have proof that this woman is definitely living in another country now?

Either way, he needs to respect you and have boundaries, including emotional ones. He's married to you, not her. Remind him of the vows he made to you.

My husband is a gift giver (just little jokey silly things for friends and colleagues, never flashy stuff) and I could see him doing something like this if he saw an advert for it when online (he doesn’t hunt for these silly gifts, they find him....even via charity shop windows sometimes 😂) and thought the recipient would find it funny or needed cheering up. I think it’s lovely and I’ve never suspected it of being untoward.

Saying that, I guess it’s the fact that this is so out of character for the OP’s husband that calls it into question.

OP I really think you should revaluate your relationship and the unhealthy dynamic whereby you are the innocent party in all of this yet apologise and feel guilty.

Gaslighting and intimidation are abuse. Whatever you do maintain your financial independence at all costs.

You say your husband is wonderful but I smell snake.

If I had asked to see my partners phone he would hand it over straight away and probably chuckle at me for being paranoid. Your husband has something to hide and is a classic let's turn this on you and make you feel bad.

@Egertion

So I asked him if he was still in contact and he said he'd messaged her to get her address to send a gift and that was it. I then made the big mistake of asking if I could see the conversation and that triggered an explosion of rage to say the least. He said I absolutely can't see it as it is obvious I don't trust him. Also as I don't trust him there's nothing left of our relationship and he will now teach me a lesson. I said I was so sorry for upsetting him and he then and held a 5 minute monologue on how ridiculous I was and that this was enough, he'd had enough of me as he is only a nice guy who does nice things and I ruin it all. I literally did not get a word in. He's now left the house and I don't know what to say. I wish I hadn't asked that stupid question 😭

'Teach you a lesson'?

That's a bit threatening...

I know the thread has moved on, but I have never ever ever received a gift from a man (outside of my family) who didn't want to get in my pants.

His mask slipped badly OP when you asked to read that email 😳

This is not a nice guy, this is a guy pursuing albeit discreetly, a much younger colleague.

He's embarrassing himself, and humiliating you.

🌺

So a while back, he also bought another woman a gift and didn't tell you? Especially bad as it was something you wanted too!
He's honestly showing his true colours here OP. Open your eyes!

Looks like he wants to split up but now he can blame it on you. Get rid of him. He's obviously a twat.