Drinking in the morning - everyone does it, right?

[fedup078]

Even when they have young kids?
Totally normal yes?

Well he's just told me to ask around. Don't fancy asking my friends so here we are
I'm being told this is totally normal and everyone does it, so why shouldn't he.

I agree. You had no choice. I went to a counsellor after I split with my ex. It was only then that I realised i had absolutely no control over his decisions. Bone at all. Nothing I did or said changed anything, even though I'd clung to the hopeless idea that if only I showed how upset I was, explained how I felt differently, he would finally realise the impact. Total denial on my part. Absolutely nothing was going to shift his mindset. I didnt fail to get it across, he just had an iron wall and nothing was ever going to get through. So, hopefullyfor you, no regrets and no what ifs. I think you've been stronger than I was. I stuck it far too long

This might be me talking out of my arse, but your numbness might be you in survival mode. You feel what you need to feel to get you through it. I felt a ton of anger which, when I look back on it, was my way to disentangle myself from feeling any bond or loyalty or whatever it was that made me suffer it for so long. I think dont be surprised if you go through a range of full on emotions that will get you through the grief and loss

@P999 I don't need to seek a councillor with you around! Everything you say makes perfect sense .
He is still under the impression we will work it out and he can come home
But is still saying he will absolutely not be seeking any help

What he's saying doesn't matter. What impression he's under doesn't matter. You're ready to cut yourself loose and that is all that matters.
However, at some point he WILL realise you mean it. Expect him to get nasty at that point and be ready.

Just keep moving forward with the divorce and separation, he is handing you an advantage for you to get on tops of things legally.