If your DH/DP adores you, what is your secret?

[ZednotZee]

We all know those couples where the male partner visibly adores his wife/partner.
If you are in such a relationship can you tell me what you think it is about you that makes him so devoted to you?

I am in such a relationship and I suspect the reasons for this, just wanted some other opinions.

An unusual thread for MN relationships board ...

It’s lovely to read. It makes such a change from the unpleasant, creepy and nasty behaviours relationship described so often on here. And puts them into perspective ie why struggle with a crap relationship when you might have a good one like these. (Or better to be on your own.). These women who seem to be adored or cherished or loved.

Though it does make me a bit ? why it’s never been my experience (and v likely won’t now due to age and disabilities). I’m sure there are reasons but still.

What a wonderful thread. I wish I had this. I wish my parents had told me to hold out for this rather than just be constantly selfish. They gave me no life/relationship skills at all

I don't see being adored as being put up on a pedestal. I think you do just have to click - DH and I can be completely ourselves without having to put on a show, watch our language or curb behaviour. He is the one person I can spend all my time with and never get bored of his company (as lockdown has proven). Its nothing to do with me per se. He is just an incredibly loving individual with a strong draw towards family. I see the same in my dad and my uncle. Other people (male or female) have a personality that does not necessarily compute with monogamy or family life. I am incredibly lucky i found DH, and I know he will say the same about me.

it does mean other people would consider someone lucky to be with them, especially if they are not considered as much of a catch themselves.

But on what basis @Gwenhwyfar ?

I've only heard it used in relation to the looks of one person in the relationship.

That's the way it's been used here.

That's reductive. No-one looking in from outside can see the innermost attributes of both parties, and what they bring to the relationship.

It is frankly awful that people are using it to describe their relationship too - either their view or their DP's.

I adore him and respect him, and vice versa.
We don't 'put up' with things we don't like, we just sort it.

We talk openly about everything and we don't just use that to complain, we praise each other much more than we admonish each other.
I don't feel we need to compromise on anything because we both want each other to be happy at any cost.
I think the filthy sex helps too

As is probably the case for most men, he’s basically chemically addicted to my minky and no one else is providing one for him

I'm lucky to feel like I do in my marriage.
It's nice to feel adore by him. He always says that he loves how serious and funny I can be as shy and naughty.

I think maybe because I am nice to him and genuinely think he is the sexiest person ever and I have supported him though some genuinely horrible times. And he has done the same for me. He seems to think I am hillarious and sexy and is always telling me he wants to bonk me which is puzzling because thanks to Hashimotos I am the size of a house and always asleep. Whatever his reason is I am glad he feels like that, and glad he makes me feel like he does.

God knows. I’m really overweight and he does loads round the house. Whatever it is I’m taking it as a win and not asking too many questions.

@Loopyloututu2

For me I think it’s because I’m more physically attractive than him and I’ve also always been of a slightly “treat em mean, keep em keen” mindset!

I know how that sounds - awful - but dh is a very confident, strong individual and he can take it! He’d walk all over a weaker woman. I also look after myself and try to look nice for him - I’m not one for sitting there burping/farting in front of him or treating him like a best mate. We keep it sexy (20 years together!)
I think it boils down to the fact that I wouldn’t settle for anything less than being adored!

I know I sound like a right cow

@Loopyloututu2 I totally agree the standing your ground approach and good to see a woman who knows their worth! Men generally don't have to do much to get adored by women which is why they get away with SO much in relationships.

So many women are "too nice" with men, have lower expectations of their male partners and the men involved ultimately end up taking the woman's "niceness" for granted. A slight "treat them mean, keep them keen" approach (which many men themselves use on women) doesn't mean a woman isn't kind or loving with her partner, in fact she is just as loving as a "pushover" would be, but she keeps those boundaries of self respect in place and keeps him on his toes.

I think most women forget that men are very different from women (just think about the way men relate to each other vs the way women relate to each other). Being a nice pushover mainly just leads to men valuing you less, getting bored, or being taken for granted.

These are beautiful. I hope one day I will feel as loved as some of you do and be willing to love, no holding back.

Peggyhill
I loved my husband; cooked, cleaned, advised, did house admin, reared children and he cheated on me with five women. It destroyed my very being. I realised that he clearly did not love me as much as I had thought and it shook my foundation. I have no confidence or trust in anything or anyone.

@Faith50

These are beautiful. I hope one day I will feel as loved as some of you do and be willing to love, no holding back.

Peggyhill
I loved my husband; cooked, cleaned, advised, did house admin, reared children and he cheated on me with five women. It destroyed my very being. I realised that he clearly did not love me as much as I had thought and it shook my foundation. I have no confidence or trust in anything or anyone.

@Faith50

💔

I'm so sorry; I understand that feeling too. I hope it gets better one day

My ex adored me, everyone used to comment on it warmly.

He adored me so much that our children were annoying intrusions on his perfect life with me. And other men checking me out enraged him, because while he trusted me, he didn't trust them around me. And he put me on such a pedestal that he was never sure why I would love him, so needed a lot of reassurance.

Personally, I'd be happy to have a bit less adoration and a bit more of a friendly give-and-take type love, next time around.

Earringsandlipstick
Thank you
I am feeling rubbish today and reading this post has given me hope that I will meet someone who will love me enough to stay faithful.

I agree with the poster who stated some women have lower expectations. My husband cooked roughly once a month if that. I accepted it though I secretly wished he cooked more - I mentioned it but nothing changed. I do the majority of the housework, again I accepted this despite the fact that we both work full time. I instantly did more from the start of our marriage and did not question it. After I learnt of his infidelities, I realised just how little he has been willing to meet my needs and wants.

I know what you mean but I've only known 5 couples like this prior to the age of about 55 when there seems to be some kind of shift for certain couples and they become closer. All had different outcomes to date.

1 - retired very early, followed their dreams, appear to dote on each other completely.

2 - he died. They were madly in love but very volatile behind closed doors at times.

3 - she left him and he ended up being sectioned as a result.

4 - she left him for a woman we went to school with 25 years ago or more. They were childhood sweethearts.

5 - he still seems to dote on her outwardly. However, it has emerged he's a serial cheat and a bit of a sex pest on the quiet. He'll tell anyone who will listen how she is his world and actually believes she is despite how he treats her.

Conclusion - don't count your chickens!

Comedy sized boobs and a bad attitude I guess.

OP do you mean you get on well
With opposite sex more than the female sex , I have always had male friends and one of my female friends has said it's because I am more in with boys because I share the same personality , having said that my Ex husband didn't love me Any more because of it 😂

As is probably the case for most men, he's basically chemically addicted to my minky

This made me chuckle as it's what I used to say to my own DH. He's gorgeous but often used to say to me "What's it like to be adored?" I could never understand why he found me so irresistible and concluded that it's got to be down to chemical attraction.

Now I always think that if you are really attracted to someone they will feel the same about you as it's a chemical attraction deep down.

After 60 years I believe that no matter what ups and downs we have always looked after each other.

I'm in a happy, reciprocal relationship and this thread makes me feel uncomfortable. A lot of idiotic comments on here.

My partner (not a man but thought I'd join in) said 'we just fit. We fit so well together' and then a load of other stuff that made me cry a bit.

They love me to bits and I've never doubted it.

@EarringsandLipstick
I’m afraid you seem miserable that you continue to nitpick at what is a lighthearted comment, I doubt any relationship is based purely on looks.
Grim? if said by anyone? get a grip.

He was the best person I had ever met. He is still better than everyone else in the world.

He loves me unconditionally and was the first (and only) person to give me that gift.

We can make each other laugh, console each other and help out when either of us has fucked up.

@YerWanIsGettinNotions

I wonder if the "adoring" element is a feature of a positive and thankful personality. Like, not generally grumpy and negative, but the kind of man who is usually good-humoured and cheerful and can identify his blessings in life, darling wife amongst those?

I'm approaching 40 and at an age where I find men I know are getting grumpy, they seem to fall into a negativity trench and they never come out again. The grumpy ones are snippy at their wives even in public. The ones who are cheerful and tend to treat life as an adventure are pleased to be accompanied by their best friend, and they want to make all sorts of plans together even if it's just cooking something special for dinner or a weekend day off exploring with the kids and see the wife as someone who enriches their life.

I have to say this theory is because DH is a cheerful sort, loves to have something to look forward to and always makes me feel loved. (My mother can find the cloud to any silver lining but thinks the sun shines out of his behind.) And so do most of our friends- because they have all seen how he treats me and includes me in everything, even buying gig tickets in pairs in case I might want to come as his date even if I don't like the band. He'll ask a friend if I can't come, but we know I'm always his first choice.

I think this applies to DH. To be honest I'm the grumpy one. I never ever seriously complain about him to anyone though . That is because of I have something that bothers me I tell him about it not someone else.

[quote HerMammy]@EarringsandLipstick
I’m afraid you seem miserable that you continue to nitpick at what is a lighthearted comment, I doubt any relationship is based purely on looks.
Grim? if said by anyone? get a grip.[/quote]
You're lovely 😲

Just giving my opinion. It allowed, despite what you appear to think.