If your DH/DP adores you, what is your secret?

[ZednotZee]

We all know those couples where the male partner visibly adores his wife/partner.
If you are in such a relationship can you tell me what you think it is about you that makes him so devoted to you?

I am in such a relationship and I suspect the reasons for this, just wanted some other opinions.

@EarringsandLipstick also the women i referred to previously who I know of and who went on to have relationships with bad men, actually weren't at the level where "red flags were strewn all over the place" , the point is there were signs that could be seen that they ignored, and which anyone should see if you approach dating with the right mindset.

To be honest, the sheer number of bad choices I see women make regarding men genuinely baffles me. It's almost like some are determined to screw themselves over which is sad. I see it on this forum on the time. E.g. marrying men who put themselves first and then somehow being surprised when he continues to do so when baby arrives. Or hanging on for 8 years for a proposal when the lukewarm guy has been stringing them along and wasting their fertile years while he satisfies himself that no one better will come along.

I think some women just don't think responsibly when choosing a life partner/father, don't use relationship discernment/reflective skills, or are behave childlike and become like putty when a male speaks, believing whatever sugary lines he spews, despite his actions being the contrary. A lot also non-sensically assume a man will change or what bad points they see won't matter or just have lower standards of men.

@EarringsandLipstick sorry just seen your latest post. It seems in your case like you had good gut intuition. The thing with Western society is we don't trust our gut instinct as much as we should (in other societies it's crucial for survival and is a natural part of being human). A woman's intuition is particularly powerful because we're naturally more empathetic and attune to the emotions and states of others. One of the biggest learnings of my life was to always trust my intuition in dating/relationships and be aware of what it may be telling me.

I agree @Suagar with the points you just made. I see that on MN too.

But it wasn't the case with me or Faith who posted too.

We didn't have the kind of experience you describe. We couldn't have foreseen it. And once it starts, it's really hard to extricate yourself, often complicated by children and the pervasive effect of abusive treatment.

I do have to take responsibility but the idea that everyone can see a destructive relationship is not true or fair. I guess what I do hope is that ultimately I'll grow from this & if I ever have a relationship again, it will be meet my needs & expectations.

One of the biggest learnings of my life was to always trust my intuition in dating/relationships and be aware of what it may be telling me.

I agree with this. I've learned that too - my gut instinct is almost always right, in many forms of relationships, friendship, colleagues.

Definitely wish I'd heeded it!

@AryaStarkWolf

I would actually say it's to do with him rather than you if that makes sense, like he's the type of guy who adores his partner

I agree with this. I posted upthread that I felt adored, but I perhaps should have thought more deeply about it and explained that it was more to do with him than me. He is an artist, naturally romantic, and sees the beauty in whatever he chooses to look at.

Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty bloody nice , but I've never been so well-treated by previous partners. I've struck gold.

@nicewheels

me too! trying to get it out now.

I did have this type of adoration a long, long time ago. i took it for granted unfortunately and no longer have that adoring partner. and have never found another one.

Men who are overly adoring can sometimes also be love bombers, sex pests, creeps. So I think it is nonsense, to use the word 'adoring'.

@DavidsSchitt

"I work full-time but am not a high earner (between £40k and £45k)"

That's plenty to rent a suitable place anywhere in the uk

Not necessarily, if you live in London and have to stay for work or family reasons, and have DCs. £1000 a month gets you a studio flat including bills in lots of London.

@ItisLikethis

Men who are overly adoring can sometimes also be love bombers, sex pests, creeps. So I think it is nonsense, to use the word 'adoring'.

For many mumsnetters all men are 'love bombers, sex pests, creeps' even their own sons and those they've never met. It seems difficult to accept that there are men who love their partners and treat them with respect as equals.

DH said we just click, the way our minds think is similar - and my personality but could specify what about it.. just being “me” apparently.

DH has always been openly loving towards me; I’ve never really been one to show much affection but he does and he never fails to talk ‘big’ about me to his friends and in front of my family.

For me; I think it has a lot to do with big events. We were 6 months into our relationship when his mum died and he has said before that he thinks that brought us much closer. His mental health dips this time of year as it’s when she passed and he gets a almost seasonal hour of anxiety - which I recognise and can talk him down and keep him grounded.

The only way I can really put it in perspective is - I never wanted children, I come from a very m bitter pair of divorced parents and never want to bring children into something toxic. After being with DH for a couple years I changed my mind; knowing our now 1yo DD has the absolute gold standard role model to learn from.

Seasonal bought off anxiety*... not an hour