If your DH/DP adores you, what is your secret?

[ZednotZee]

We all know those couples where the male partner visibly adores his wife/partner.
If you are in such a relationship can you tell me what you think it is about you that makes him so devoted to you?

I am in such a relationship and I suspect the reasons for this, just wanted some other opinions.

This thread should be called... aren't I great

Or, perhaps, I've got quite high self-esteem.

It's a bit chicken and egg, but if you think you are worth being adored and someone comes along and thinks you are adorable, your esteem isn't going to drop is it?

I think a lot of women don't look for men who are going to adore them. I have lots of women friends who have chased after men who were disinterested, treated them badly, waited for men who were married or put their live in partner first, were happy to be the driver in the situation, who gave ultimatums to get married. Often they did get the man in the end- but that isn't going to be an adored/adoring situation, well, it is, but with them doing the adoring!

@EarringsandLipstick

For me I think it’s because I’m more physically attractive than him and I’ve also always been of a slightly “treat em mean, keep em keen” mindset!

Loopy I'm sure you're not a 'cow' but yeah, this sounds awful to me. Both the arrogance around your looks & the stated intention of treating someone somewhat badly.

It's realistic though isn't it. If someone is hard to get, people think they've achieved something in getting that person. Plus, even though a couple of people have said they don't like the expression ''punching above their weight' it doesn't mean it's not a thing. I presume the pp doesn't really mean treating someone badly in an abusive way.

@EarringsandLipstick
Note I did 🤣🤣 after that comment, as he says it not me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Plus, even though a couple of people have said they don't like the expression ''punching above their weight' it doesn't mean it's not a thing.

I agree the phrase is a thing, but not the concept.

'Punching' (🤮) refers to one aspect of a person - usually looks. That is so reductive for a relationship. Someone may superficially look more attractive but there's a whole panoply of factors that go into a successful relationship.

So in reality, it doesn't exist.

[quote HerMammy]@EarringsandLipstick
Note I did 🤣🤣 after that comment, as he says it not me 🤷🏼‍♀️[/quote]
Still, I think the phrase & someone thinking it, is grim.

@AndNoneForGretchenWieners

I suspect it was because I was kind, faithful, funny and shared his enthusiasm for life and family. I was always very honest with him and I think that helped. I knew he adored me but didn't realise that others could tell how much until my DSS said at his funeral that he had never known his dad to be happy until he met me, then it was like a switch had been flicked. I was a very lucky woman.

I'm so sorry for your loss, sounds like you were the light of each other's lives and spent many happy years together.

Probably my sense of humour. I have quite a dry and sarcastic sense of humour and he enjoys it. Also if I'm in a good mood I do daft things. I sing everywhere I go and put dance music on my phone and dance around the house like an idiot. I'm quite entertaining.

If I'm in a bad mood though, I'm awful!!!

At the end of the day we’re mammals - for the man I really adored, i reckon it was the way he looked and the way he smelled. And maybe that he wasn’t any stupider than I am. He had other good and bad things about him but it was that. My biology made me.

I'm not sure about this.

Neither me or my husband adore each other, i tell him when he's an ass and vice versa.

We do however love each other alot and have been through the worst and best of times together over our 18 years together.

We have a very silly sense of humour, not toilet humour but talking about random stuff that amuses us and we can often chuckle for ages. Our children think we are nuts but also get involved talking about silly stuff.

I've never asked him, but when he is being particularly soppy, he says he admires how strong I am through difficult times and my determination to get things done and if he turned back time, he'd still marry me (bleurgh I know)

I think he has the same determination and love how caring he is when we need him to be but how upfront he is with people when he needs to be.

I think we work as our personalities are different and he helps me stick up for myself when I need to and I can calm him down when he's angry/upset about things.

It is what it is, I suppose and I hope we last for another 18 years and more!

He just adores who I am. My strength, my caring and gentle nature, my love of life etc. I utterly adore him as well.

I think I’m just his person

This.
We just clicked the second we met.
He adores me but I feel the same. We're best friends and have so much fun together.

We were having some work done on the house recently and ii was mostly being done by DHs friend. He brought an extra person one day who commented on how nice me and Dh spoke to each other and how we genuinely seemed to enjoy each other's company. He found it really unusual.

@Honeyroar

I have no idea, but I feel lucky. Most people can’t stand me!

😂😂😂

@Spidder

Are some people just prone to adoring others? Dh doesn't adore me, nor I him. I don't think I'd like it.

I think so.

I'm not sure that my husband adores me.

He's kind, caring, considerate & I assume how he treats me is how he would treat whoever he had married.

I find that mine also likes that I'm more assertive, not in a dominant way, we are both equally vulnerable in our own ways when together, but he's a little more laid back and I tend to take the lead, which he admires. I can be very hotheaded and feel everything very acutely, whereas he struggled with expressing and processing emotions after his upbringing. He inspires me to be calmer and more patient, whereas I think I show him the value of sponteity and doing things just because they're fun.

I come from a line of strong willed women, my dear old mum was fiercely kind and loving, as was my grandma, and their lifelong husbands were very similar in nature to my DH, he's very like my dad. Freud would have a field day. We really are best friends and laugh together like no one else.

@SignsofSpring

This thread should be called... aren't I great

Or, perhaps, I've got quite high self-esteem.

It's a bit chicken and egg, but if you think you are worth being adored and someone comes along and thinks you are adorable, your esteem isn't going to drop is it?

I think a lot of women don't look for men who are going to adore them. I have lots of women friends who have chased after men who were disinterested, treated them badly, waited for men who were married or put their live in partner first, were happy to be the driver in the situation, who gave ultimatums to get married. Often they did get the man in the end- but that isn't going to be an adored/adoring situation, well, it is, but with them doing the adoring!

Having high self esteem is one thing, coming onto a thread to brag to everyone how you're so quirky, unique and have a 'masculine' outlook and sense of humour is another.

Personally I'd find having an 'adoring' partner quite suffocating. I don't want to be put on a pedestal, where I'm in fear of falling off. I want a relationship that is mutual in terms of give and take where I can make mistakes and have space and not feel like I have to live up to some ridiculous high standard or 'treat him mean to keep him keen'. Some of the responses and have been just that i.e a normal, mutual loving relationship while others...have not.

I find it pretty hard to tell most of the time with my fiancé because he has mental health problems so has I'm his down days but when he does it's like he doesn't even have to say he loves me you can just sense it . It makes me feel so content😊. I am very loving and I love to spoil people actually I would say I have a heart of gold most of the time and likeable . Obviously a lot of my ex's would say otherwise 😂

"I agree the phrase is a thing, but not the concept.

'Punching' (🤮) refers to one aspect of a person - usually looks. That is so reductive for a relationship. Someone may superficially look more attractive but there's a whole panoply of factors that go into a successful relationship.

So in reality, it doesn't exist."

It absolutely does exist and it's not just about looks. Like it or not, some people are considered more of a 'catch' than others. It doesn't mean they're better than others as a pp said, but it does mean other people would consider someone lucky to be with them, especially if they are not considered as much of a catch themselves.

@EmpressSuiko

I ask myself this question all the time, he treats me like a queen yet I can’t stand myself and feel so ugly all the time, I’m also quite a distant person and I like my space yet everyone clings to me and I don’t understand why. I don’t see the appeal but I do feel very lucky to have him.

I could of wrote this myself this is how I feel most of the time

I just asked my dh this question and he said 'because you are you'

What is a masculine outlook on life?

I think it comes down to confidence. Its a bit chicken and egg though because if someone makes you feel good then you become more confident.

I have always found that men are more adoring when I am more confident in myself. The problem is that when I have really fancied someone and it is not reciprocated, then I loose all my confidence and become a simpering idiot - not an attractive trait!

1. My DH is a very devoted man in general and enjoys “looking after” people.

1. His mum was an alcoholic and he didn’t get much kindness.

1. His ex was always telling him how ugly he was and each year would send him an anonymous Valentine just so she could have a row with him and accuse him of having an affair (until their DS gave her away one year)

1. He’s man enough not to be resentful of our vastly different educational achievements

All I’ve done is be reasonably kind and respectful. I don’t deserve him.

@LouLou789

He's man enough not to be resentful of your vastly different educational achievements? What does that mean exactly? Are you the higher or lower achiever?

I think balance! Not I'm so funny, hot, good in bed etc, but about what you bring to their lives and what they bring to yours. Bringing out each other's best but also dealing with each other's faults.

We've been together since teenage years (now 50ish)
I'm pretty confident despite my many failings and haven't really changed or grown up much.

Someone said to me we are like the male and female version of each other, whatever that means. Nauseating but I can see their point.

Also I'm very low maintenance and independent and like driving