If your DH/DP adores you, what is your secret?

[ZednotZee]

We all know those couples where the male partner visibly adores his wife/partner.
If you are in such a relationship can you tell me what you think it is about you that makes him so devoted to you?

I am in such a relationship and I suspect the reasons for this, just wanted some other opinions.

I doubt any relationship is based purely on looks.

Well @HerMammy that's exactly what I said, if you care to read my posts 🤷🏻‍♀️

So I'm not sure what your point is. Sounds like you aren't either.

@EarringsandLipstick
My point is you hammering on about a light hearted comment people make to their partners and you calling it grim.
Lighten up, it’s allowed!

@EarringsandLipstick

it does mean other people would consider someone lucky to be with them, especially if they are not considered as much of a catch themselves.

But on what basis @Gwenhwyfar ?

I've only heard it used in relation to the looks of one person in the relationship.

That's the way it's been used here.

That's reductive. No-one looking in from outside can see the innermost attributes of both parties, and what they bring to the relationship.

It is frankly awful that people are using it to describe their relationship too - either their view or their DP's.

I explained it in a previous post, didn't I? It's the perception of how good a catch someone is, which is not just looks.

My DP and I adore each other. I have had good, loving, passionate, respectful, team mate relationships before but adoring is different. At 43, this is the first time. I think a lot of what people say here resonates:

1. His natural personality is full of love, big hearted, optimistic. He is a born giver so gets real joy from helping me and making me happy
2. His previous long relationship he was treated utterly crap. So he's always amazed by me. While I wasn't treated so crap, the ways he loves me, my ex was useless at so I feel constantly appreciative too.
3. People don't like the phrase 'punching above weight' but we both feel very lucky and blessed to have found each other. Maybe that's a better way to put it? In different ways we both think the other is an amazing catch for us. To me, he's totally physically gorgeous (he thinks I am but by all objective measures he is way more so). He is incredible at sex and musclier and more handsome than any man I have met and it makes me dizzy being in the same room as him! He is incredibly, widely loved within his communities and has a heart of gold - always helping people. He is very smart in ways I am dumb (eg technology), He is bowled over, by contrast, by my having a PhD and published books - not so exciting to me but he's very turned on by it and makes him proud to be with me etc. He had to pursue me, so has a sense of having 'won me'
4. The things that melt my heart come naturally to him and vice versa - like some magic alchemy.

Three years in - so still pretty fresh- but I have never felt like this or felt this lucky,

Bravegoldie
Wow - you have the jackpot there. You both sound like such lovely people.

I hope you go on to have many happy years together.

Ohh thank you Faith! I hope so too. Had plenty heartache in the past, so fingers crossed!

A couple of years in for me and DP, I have never felt adored by anyone else, and don’t think i have been truly in love prior to this (I’m 47)
His explanation is that I make life magical, and the mundane things aren’t a chore anymore. He ‘fell in love with my smile, and kindness to others and where he is practical and ‘gets things done’, i sprinkle pixie dust and make life come to life’. I am stubborn, independent and daft and he sees value in all my idiosyncrasies and how we can challenge each other.
I am creative to his technical side, contented by default in opposition to his ex who was seemingly critical by default, and am grateful for every aspect of him, and his personality.
I trust him implicitly, and adore him in return. He’s my lobster.

I have no idea how this all worked. I came from a very unhappy family the youngest of 11 . His parents were amazing to us.

A few PPs have asked what's the point of being in a relationship where you aren't adored, but I think human psychology is more complicated than that.

My best friend has been stunningly beautiful most of her adult life (now late 40s) and has subsequently had a huge amount of attention from men.

But almost every long term relationship she's had has been with men who treat her almost contemptuously. I just think with all the attention she's had, they're the only ones she has any respect for.

I also think there is tons of value to relationships that aren't adoring..... and while I hope that adoring each other helps a relationship last, I am not completely confident of that...,. It is a specific type of emotional climate - does not mean the relationship doesn't have fault lines/ weak spots.... and I suspect if things do go wrong it is an even harder 'crash' back to crappiness.....

If anything the adoring aspect makes me doubt it more (surely it's dreamland/ won't last etc??)... as time passes I grow more confident... as he continues to genuinely think I am incredibly fab even when he hears me fart, sees my legs all stubbly, catches me in an irrationally weepy or stressed mood, goes through crappiness etc..... all this reassures me there is some kind of real sticking power!

Mine said that I am the only person he has ever met who genuinely doesn't care what people think of me. He absolutely adores that about me and I have a nice bum

@WilliamMorrisdancer

StilI, I would feel uncomfortable if he told me he adored me in front of other people, or if he walked around gazing adoringly at me

Me too. Couples like that make me cringe. George Clooney for example (bear with me!), the way he talks about Amal, as if he - handsome, articulate, multi millionaire actor & entrepreneur - is punching above his weight with her, comes across as fake.

He obviously thinks that he is punching which is why he adores her. He probably regards her as attractive, accompanied, intelligent , classy and a humanitarian

I think/hope he does.. I often wonder why

Surely he is, isn't he? At least in some ways? He's pretty and good at acting in not very good movies.

She is incredibly bright, and a social activist lawyer defending people's human rights, and beautiful to boot....

I know who I admire more and would prefer to chat to at dinner!

I've heard regularly since the 90s that George Clooney is gay and his marriage is part of a long term plan to run for office.

@ZednotZee

Most people can’t stand me

Yes, this! All day long.

Me too

Perhaps I am an aquired taste hahaha!

My h says he loves the gentleness and softness i bring to things, my quirky ways that make him smile, the warmth I bring to the family and feeling me in bed and the way we are and that I make him feel there. He did also say though that I can also be a pain in the arse 😂

hammering on about a light hearted comment people make to their partners and you calling it grim.

So strange.

You make a comment, I make a comment. It's kind of the way an online forum works 😂

I could say you were 'hammering on' by your own definition!

Interesting comment about masculine character traits, I'm quite blimey in my behaviour, I have been told. I am independent, like my space, not always that soft / sympathetic with others, can be self absorbed. My DP seems to find it attractive overall, even if sometimes a bit baffling. I suppose I am not constantly 'available', which might help to maintain interest?! An ex bf told me I wasn't feminine enough! So it's horses for courses!

*Blimey?! Blokey, that is...

I explained it in a previous post, didn't I? It's the perception of how good a catch someone is, which is not just looks.

Sorry Gwenhwyfar think I missed the post where you did that.

I'm not sure I agree tho. What criteria can outsiders use to say 'punching' other than looks mainly? Even if it is something else, it's still a horrible concept, ignoring the myriad of attributes both bring to a relationship.

I think it's really a case of finding the right person, rather than being a certain type of person if that makes sense. My ex used to largely treat me like crap, I do have some hobbies that are probably not that exciting to many, but he used to ridicule me for them, and say my clothes were odd (huge red flags I know). But I remained the same person, and met someone who is supportive and loves me for me. I do think there's something in sharing a sense of humour (laughing is a good remedy for most things), and being genuinely friends as well as partners.

People don't like the phrase 'punching above weight' but we both feel very lucky and blessed to have found each other. Maybe that's a better way to put it

I think if both people feel that way, the phrase becomes redundant.

Your experience sounds wonderful.

DH definitely feels this way about me. I think it’s dependence. He is utterly dependent on me for emotional validation, all the ‘adulting’ etc. I’m drained tbh.

I don't know to
Be honest , I'm mediocre looking but he thinks I'm the sexiest thing in the world, I am super curvy and confident so who knows . He is maybe just a lovely man tat I probably don't appreciate enough! I'm shocked at how my friends hosannas treat them !!