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Original poster

If your DH/DP adores you, what is your secret?

311 replies

ZednotZee · 05/03/2021 21:34

We all know those couples where the male partner visibly adores his wife/partner.
If you are in such a relationship can you tell me what you think it is about you that makes him so devoted to you?

I am in such a relationship and I suspect the reasons for this, just wanted some other opinions.

OP posts:
LemonRoses · 05/03/2021 23:24

No idea why.
I just know he does and has since we were eighteen. He doggo around fauning and dewy eyed, but I know there is nothing he wouldn’t do for me.

We are best friends, we make each other laugh, we have no secrets and are just a bit incomplete without each other. We trust each other.

YerWanIsGettinNotions · 05/03/2021 23:26

I wonder if the "adoring" element is a feature of a positive and thankful personality. Like, not generally grumpy and negative, but the kind of man who is usually good-humoured and cheerful and can identify his blessings in life, darling wife amongst those?

I'm approaching 40 and at an age where I find men I know are getting grumpy, they seem to fall into a negativity trench and they never come out again. The grumpy ones are snippy at their wives even in public. The ones who are cheerful and tend to treat life as an adventure are pleased to be accompanied by their best friend, and they want to make all sorts of plans together even if it's just cooking something special for dinner or a weekend day off exploring with the kids and see the wife as someone who enriches their life.

I have to say this theory is because DH is a cheerful sort, loves to have something to look forward to and always makes me feel loved. (My mother can find the cloud to any silver lining but thinks the sun shines out of his behind.) And so do most of our friends- because they have all seen how he treats me and includes me in everything, even buying gig tickets in pairs in case I might want to come as his date even if I don't like the band. He'll ask a friend if I can't come, but we know I'm always his first choice.

Wesaed · 05/03/2021 23:28

My DH adores me, and vice versa. I'm not androgynous - I'm pretty high femme, I think - but we are best friends, we make each other laugh a lot, we go out of our way to do silly nice things for each other, and we try and share hobbies and friends, so we don't have any part of our life closed off from the other.

Lynora · 05/03/2021 23:29

Because I'm fucking fabulous.

BitOfFun · 05/03/2021 23:32

I've just asked him, and he said "Well, it's obvious: you're beautiful, you're talented, you're funny, you're kind, you're loving, you're just everything good. The best human being I've ever met."

So that will do me until 2028 or so, at least Grin.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 05/03/2021 23:35

Dh told me he knew I was going to be his wife before we'd actually spoken. So obviously physicality came into it but other than that I'm not sure. I don't think it's a surfeit of love because he doesn't love and/or adore anything else. He quite likes the kids but admits he loves me more which I feel is odd because it's the other way around for me.

JanuaryJonez · 05/03/2021 23:40

This thread is such a nice antidote to all those about abusive or sex obsessed husbands!

But I do agree with PPs in that I think the world is divided into adorers and adorees.

Including my DH, I've had four long term relationships and they have all adored me. But I think knowing they adored me from the start (and even before) is what was most attractive to me.

My sister on the other hand is definitely an adorer, and I'm pretty sure she would have sacked off any potential suitor who so openly adored her that much.

20 years down the line, she still seems in the first flush of love, while I'm content but for many other reasons than being adored by my husband.

It's lovely to read about so many relationships on here though where it seems completely reciprocal.

WilliamMorrisdancer · 05/03/2021 23:43

I think a lot of the things mentioned on this thread are examples of mutual love, respect and compatibility rather than adoration

I wonder if the "adoring" element is a feature of a positive and thankful personality. Like, not generally grumpy and negative, but the kind of man who is usually good-humoured and cheerful and can identify his blessings in life, darling wife amongst those?

Spot on!

Nannyamc · 05/03/2021 23:46

I met my lovely husband at 14 and he 16. He told me we were far too young for any kind of relationship. We stayed friends dated other people and after school at 17 and 19 we met by accident and that was it. 45 years later we are still best friends. We adore each other. I am so lucky to have met a gentleman a fabulous husband a great dad and a beloved grandad. He on the other hand thinks i am an amazing mum his best friend and an adorned nanny.

HeadNorth · 05/03/2021 23:46

We got together young. I was a drunken, profane mess. We are now late middle age, but he still sees that mad, bad girl when he looks at me. I have mellowed considerably but still have moments of being an edgy cow. He loves it and I really think he would do anything for me. As I would for him.

TinaTurnoff · 05/03/2021 23:47

Perhaps it is envy that is prompting me to respond but I used to have an adoring husband. I am by no means perfect but I felt I was for him the person who guided him towards what he wanted in life: fun, joy, intellectually challenging, and a fair dose of mothering. Sadly this didn’t last through the arrival of children and my SAHM status, and he has commenced a new life with his new adored/pole star/soul mate. When I was at home rearing the kids, I couldn’t still be the mirror and coach for his awesomeness, and he sought a new mirror who had all the time to be that for him. So, sorry, but my magnificence didn’t change, it just wasn’t in him to share that with babies. So I think it very much depends on the man, his wants, and what type of person he can be. I chose poorly.

RJnomore1 · 05/03/2021 23:48

I picked a good bloke who loves me for me. No secret there.

Seasidemumma77 · 05/03/2021 23:52

We laugh together, we are honest with each other, we both love cuddling up on sofa, and most of all we truly appreciate the time we spend together.

hellywelly3 · 06/03/2021 00:03

He says because I’m feisty. I’ll stand up for the underdog even if it costs me “friends”. Also the way I love our children. I adore him too but don’t tell him Grin

EarringsandLipstick · 06/03/2021 00:04

@Nannyamc

I met my lovely husband at 14 and he 16. He told me we were far too young for any kind of relationship. We stayed friends dated other people and after school at 17 and 19 we met by accident and that was it. 45 years later we are still best friends. We adore each other. I am so lucky to have met a gentleman a fabulous husband a great dad and a beloved grandad. He on the other hand thinks i am an amazing mum his best friend and an adorned nanny.
I would have loved a relationship like this.

How wonderful 😌

partyatthepalace · 06/03/2021 00:06

@ZednotZee

Well its not something that DH has ever alluded to but our mutual friends seem to think its because we are beat friends. Not in the way that lots of women state that their DH is their best friend but I have been told that contrary to my very feminine outward appearance I can relate to my DH in a way most women don't because I am very masculine in my sense of humour and outlook on life Now I am aware that this can be deemed to be a 'cool wife's post but I am anythings but a cool wife. If he is being a shit, he gets told to fuck off in no uncertain terms.

I suppose I was wondering if those of us who have a more androgynous personality are more adored by our partners?
Kinda flies in the face of the femininity principle if so...

Um no, I don’t think that ‘having a more androgynous personality’ (whatever that may mean) is the secret to being adored by one’s partner.

Did you seriously think you’d discovered some kind of secret blanket rule? 😂 / 🙄

MissBattleaxe · 06/03/2021 00:14

I'm so comfortable and accepted and loved that it's made me feelable to really spread my wings knowing I have a safe base to come back to.

Siepie · 06/03/2021 00:21

DP and I both regularly say that we love and adore each other. We have a lot of similar interests, we're best friends, we both find each other very attractive (looks and personality). We can both be insecure, but DP loves even the things I hate about myself and vice versa.

I suppose I was wondering if those of us who have a more androgynous personality are more adored by our partners?
DP and I are both women and probably about as "femme" as each other, but we've both had bad relationships in the past, and I know plenty of same-sex couples who definitely don't adore one another.

atz333 · 06/03/2021 00:22

I've never met anyone like my husband. He is the kindest person I know. He does so many things on a daily basis that remind me how much he cares. Things like putting something away that I forgot to, making sure there is petrol in my car, taking the baby in the car seat to the car for me, making me tea when I'm flustered, missing me even after being away for a short while, always speaking to me with respect, never raising his voice with me, being the most patient person with me even during a rant when I'm upset about something, understanding when my anxiety is high and trying to make me feel better, telling me regularly how he feels so lucky to have our little family, there is just so much really. I try my best to be the same with him and he always tells me how he feels so glad that we both love each other the same.
I couldn't imagine life with anyone else and he is the same.

HarryPottersBawbag · 06/03/2021 00:22

Aye, his ex was absolutely horrendous so by comparison I'm an angel!

Seriously though, I've no idea. He worships the ground I walk on and I don't deserve it. I'm a wee bitch! He sees the good in me though and brings it out and vice versa.
We don't half bicker tho!

blueshoes · 06/03/2021 00:35

It's my ass

MazDazzle · 06/03/2021 00:35

I refuse to beg for his approval and I’d never do the ‘pick me’ dance. Take me as I am or don’t take me at all.

I often hear women say, ‘but I gave him everything!’. That’s the problem. The type of man who wants to be the best at everything, the type who needs to be put on a pedestal and worshiped, is usually bad news.

Just my personal opinion, I may be completely wrong. But so far, this belief has served me well. And if the shit should ever hit the fan, I’m prepared for it.

I sound like a heartless witch, but I’m actually fairly laid back. I’m able to be, because I rely on myself and try not to be too dependent on my husband.

FlyNow · 06/03/2021 00:53

I also believe in the two different types of people idea, and it's a problem in my relationship. My DH and I were both the "adored" in our past relationships, now we are with each other I think it's a bit disappointing for us both. He just can't understand why I'm not all over him constantly and feeling so lucky to be with him. Whereas I think he should feel that way about me, as he doesn't have much going for him really. He is older, and has no career, money, hobbies or friends, and is grumpy.

I have suggested we both make more of an effort so we show love for each other equally, he says no and was really confused - why would he need to do that Confused Hmm

nestlestealswater · 06/03/2021 00:59

My DH definitely absolutely adores me - I think it's more to do with him than me though, he is just an exceptionally warm and big hearted person and he isn't afraid of being vulnerable. I'm a right grumpy git so it's definitely nothing that I'm doing!

nestlestealswater · 06/03/2021 01:01

And no I definitely don't have an androgynous personality. Very much lean towards the feminine.