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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

If your DH/DP adores you, what is your secret?

311 replies

ZednotZee · 05/03/2021 21:34

We all know those couples where the male partner visibly adores his wife/partner.
If you are in such a relationship can you tell me what you think it is about you that makes him so devoted to you?

I am in such a relationship and I suspect the reasons for this, just wanted some other opinions.

OP posts:
ZednotZee · 05/03/2021 22:09

justanotherneighinparadise

You may have something there
My DH says he just loves his wife and his kids and he's the luckiest man alive. Now, he's really not in my estimation but he seems to believe it

OP posts:
OfTheNight · 05/03/2021 22:10

I’m really, really funny.
I don’t really know in truth, I do think my sense of humour has a bit to do with it. I’m very passionate, he loves that too. He’s awesome so looks beyond all my (very challenging) shit. That’s probably it. That and the funny thing.

Takebackthepower · 05/03/2021 22:10

@Puppylucky

I think it's to do with relationships where for what ever reason the man thinks he's punching above his weight. I really think that if men feel that they have "won" someone better than them then they really put them on a pedestal and adore them.
I think nail on head
supadupapupascupa · 05/03/2021 22:11

I asked my Dh. He said BDSM. I don't think I'm going to get a sensible answer Grin

FolkyFoxFace · 05/03/2021 22:11

@ZednotZee

FolkyFoxFace

No, I completely get you!

I am by far the most beautiful woman in the world but my DH thinks I am and its bloody puzzling

Puzzled is exactly how I feel when he says these things! I'm so glad he does feel that way, and I don't have low self esteem or anything...but he usually comes out with this stuff when I'm makeup-less, wearing ratty PJ's, and dancing around like an idiot! 😂 It's baffling!
Sittingonabench · 05/03/2021 22:12

I think part of it is communication. If I’m upset with DH I will tell him exactly why so he knows what the cause is (even if it’s just that time of the month and I tell him I know I’m being completely unreasonable but I literally can’t help being very upset that he ate the last of the chocolate). Most of the time it’s that I say thank you when he’s thoughtful and appreciate him for what he does . I think he likes the rationality and know is that I’m not playing emotional games. I adore him too though so it works well.

EarringsandLipstick · 05/03/2021 22:12

if men feel that they have "won" someone better than them

I think that's really sad, if anyone feels like that 😢

No one is 'better' than anyone else.

FuckingFabulous · 05/03/2021 22:12

I wouldn't have a clue so I have asked him this right now. He says

"Because, oh.....there are so many reasons. It's not just that you are funny but we are funny together. Nothing is ever too serious. You put up with my disorganised shit and do so much for me and I'm always happy to do things for you. You're you- my other half. I don't know how to go on. There's nobody else like you. There are too many ways to say why"

SignsofSpring · 05/03/2021 22:13

I don't think it's anything intrinsic about the person that is 'adorable'. I've seen women adored who have ranged hugely in personality, looks, femininity and so on.

What they all have in common though is they want a guy (or woman) who is really into them. They look for 'being adored' when they are selecting someone, and tend to ditch players or guys who are not that into them. I'm this type of person, I know I want a partner who adores me, it's my number one criteria in a relationship that the person is really really into me. I don't like being second best and would never in a million years fight over some man and if he was into someone else, that's it, I would go off them instantly.

Unsurprisingly, I ended up with someone that adores me. Also dislikes me on occasion, finds me irritating, finds me stubborn, but being loved in a very deep and constant way is one of life's lovely things.

alittlebitofgin · 05/03/2021 22:16

I kept him waiting 16 years before I would go on a date with him

smeerf · 05/03/2021 22:18

Both of my reasons have already been mentioned which is interesting:

  1. We were best friends first (and still are)
  2. People say he is punching above his weight (but I think I am, so best of both worlds)
Mysteriousmysteries · 05/03/2021 22:18

My husband can't get enough of my body, although in my opinion it looked better a few years ago; he doesn't agree. But mostly, I think because I support him with anything ( fairly unimportant) unless I think it's dumb, in which case I tell him. I'm not one to get caught up on silly things, I really only say what I truly think when it matters so I think he gets that when I do make a fuss, there is a good reason to, rather than sugar coat everything and pretend everything he does is amazing purely based on his genitalia, like his mother does. If he wants respect, he earns it from me.

harknesswitch · 05/03/2021 22:19

I have no idea, he even laughs and gives me that 'oh I adore you / roll eye' thing when I fart.

He also acts the same with me in company, which I actually love. Makes me feel all warm and fluffy.

I love him to pieces, but he seems to take it to the next level.

WilliamMorrisdancer · 05/03/2021 22:22

What does it mean to be masculine in outlook and humour?

DH and I have a similar sense of humour but I wouldn't say it was masculine or feminine.

Butterybiscuitbase12 · 05/03/2021 22:22

Just asked DH this... ‘you look nice in the morning and you can eat a whole Nando’s roast chicken to yourself’.

He’s a simple fellow.

EarringsandLipstick · 05/03/2021 22:23

People say he is punching above his weight

Imagine people would say something so horrible 😟

PutItInNeutral · 05/03/2021 22:25

My husband cherishes me. I know this sounds cheesy but he does. He does things for me to make my life easier without me ever asking, like filling car with petrol, picking up takeaway if I’m tired, does things around the house to save me from having to.

We aren’t best friends, I’m close with my sisters, they’re like besties. He has his interests and friends too. I don’t like OTT display of affection, I hate flowers and mush. What I do like is that he loves me and our kids every day in ways that matter.

His mother raised him to be respectful, and I’ve always gotten along well with her. My husband is Asian, and I feel like he treats me like an equal, but also acts like a gentleman. He’s a great Dad too.

We had a family tragedy, the absolute worst thing you can imagine happening. The grief almost destroyed me. He held me up and kept our family together when I’d lost the will to live.

At the same time, I’m good to him and care for him. Cook him his favorite food, help organize work tasks, make life easier for him wherever I can, and have given our family a good social life with arranging gatherings and get togethers. I’m funny too, or he thinks so, us and our kids laugh often.

I work part time, so I’m more hands on with raising the children, and he respects the choices I’ve made for them (I had some terribly difficult choices to make on numerous occasions), and I think he’d say I’m a good Mum. We’re both proud of our children, they’re amazing.

I didn’t get married until late 30s, because I wasn’t prepared to put up with the crappy behavior I’d had from some boyfriends. I’m glad I waited, and I’m glad for my kids too, they’ve had a better childhood than I ever did.

LookAtWhatYouCouldHaveWon · 05/03/2021 22:26

DH and I will have been married for a whole year on the 12th March, and the reason he married me? Because i have cracking norks, apparently (tbf, I do, so he's not wrong) Grin

I seriously don't know why he loves me. But he dies. I don't deserve it, or him. He's a good man and I'm very lucky.

GalesThisMorning · 05/03/2021 22:28

I love my husband. He loves me. We get on really really well and laugh together every day. StilI, I would feel uncomfortable if he told me he adored me in front of other people, or if he walked around gazing adoringly at me. I would find that annoying and suffocating to be honest!

Ladyofmainlyleisure · 05/03/2021 22:30

My DP wanted to be with me for a long time when I was out of his reach emotionally and not that interested, so I think he values me more due to this.
Also, he’s never had a relationship before me, so I’m his first love, which is always special.
I wouldn’t choose anyone over him and I love him very much, but he definitely puts me first more often than I do him........

mrsplum2015 · 05/03/2021 22:31

Isn't it more about the man?

He feels solid and secure in himself, an optimist, lucky and that feeds his treatment of the woman and his belief that she is a great person too. Which then promotes her to be her best self and it's an all round win win...

I think it works the other way too. My ex is with a woman who completely adores him and he is much nicer to her than he was to me 😂

User1511 · 05/03/2021 22:31

I always say my balls are bigger than my husbands. I don’t know why he adores me. He just does. We have good banter. We are good friends. We have the same values and opinions on most things. He recognises I am right 99% of the time (doesn’t mean he listens though).

wandawombat · 05/03/2021 22:36

I had a job when I was a student in a factory. One of the blokes I worked with just adored his wife, talked so nicely about her but not in a pedestal way & I thought it was great. That's what I wanted, someone who was just really into me.

I had some idiot dramas first tho.

I am quite shouty (working on it) but he seems to get the reason behind it, if I'm frustrated. He can be a touch controlling about money, so it does take communication but we get on so well. He has my back & knows his DM has her faults. 😁

wandawombat · 05/03/2021 22:38

Yes, that's it. He brings out the best in me, so I work to my strengths.

Spidder · 05/03/2021 22:40

Are some people just prone to adoring others? Dh doesn't adore me, nor I him. I don't think I'd like it.