If your DH/DP adores you, what is your secret?

[ZednotZee]

We all know those couples where the male partner visibly adores his wife/partner.
If you are in such a relationship can you tell me what you think it is about you that makes him so devoted to you?

I am in such a relationship and I suspect the reasons for this, just wanted some other opinions.

I was with someone who adored me. He said it to me, and he told everyone. He pursued me for a couple of years before I agreed to date him. He made me feel like the luckiest woman in the world. I can remember telling everyone he was my soul mate, how we really got each other, and how special it was.

Until I discovered he was shagging a much younger colleague and was giving her the same lines.

So yes, take it with a pinch of salt.

We were friends for years (not particularly close but socialised regularly as part of a larger group) but we worked together. I knew he liked me but I was always in a relationship. Everyone would always comment on it. I think he’s just happy he finally got me 😂

I think I’m his person, and we both have big capacities to love. We are best friends. I’m not massively masculine - I’m independent to a fault but also quite female in some ways, I think? But he genuinely makes my day just by being around and that’s mutual.

He’s lovely, and I feel lucky that he adores me. Whatever I did to deserve this, I’m very thankful for.

StilI, I would feel uncomfortable if he told me he adored me in front of other people, or if he walked around gazing adoringly at me

Me too. Couples like that make me cringe. George Clooney for example (bear with me!), the way he talks about Amal, as if he - handsome, articulate, multi millionaire actor & entrepreneur - is punching above his weight with her, comes across as fake.

@WilliamMorrisdancer

FiL adores MiL. I think it's his capacity to love, rather than anything about MiL (nice though she is). I suspect he'd adore another woman should MiL no longer be around.

Yes this totally! Plus yes ofcourse you are all awesome!

My DH says he would be a twat if it wasn't for me.
I'm not really sure how to take that
He also thinks I'm much more intelligent than him (I don't see it I think we're fairly even but very different interests).
I don't really know because I think I must be really hard to live with but he thinks I'm great.
(He is great)

I suppose I was wondering if those of us who have a more androgynous personality are more adored by our partners?

I mean... I suppose I do in that I don't give a fuck about all the crap that's supposed to be feminine, hair and beauty, make up, handbags, fashion, celebs, etc. In fact sometimes we joke that DH is a better girl than I am.

But I don't know that it's that in particular that makes DH fond of me?

I do think it's important that we can relate to each other as people, in a way which sort of overrides gender boundaries. I think sometimes when somebody is very entrenched in gendered roles and stereotypes, it can prevent them from seeing their opposite-sex partner as a person, because they are seeing them as a man/woman first, almost like that is a more important characteristic than who they are. And everything kind of gets framed in this.

But I think it's simplistic - I've known couples who are very invested in gender roles who have a very loving and close relationship.

I’m smart funny and hot.

He adores me because I'm bloody great!

Thing is DH and I met 32 years ago. The attraction was instantaneous and noticed by the others at the table. I recall thinking as we sat down for dinner "I shall marry you" and then giving myself a talking to. Within a week of that night he broke things off with his gf of 5 years. Two months later he rang me and asked me for dinner (in the days when you remembered where someone worked and dialled their number).

We haven't really been apart since our second date.

@FatCatThinCat what a gorgeous post. Love this.

Ah, this thread is lovely and has made me very wistful

I just asked my husband what I do that makes him feel a rush of love for me

He said..... "sleep. I love you the most when you're asleep"

I would say my husband fits this. I think he does for a number of reasons but it's more to do with him and less with me . The things he likes about me are I'm honest, not bitchy and I don't like drama. This appeals to his nature. I also think he is a man who likes to be settled with one woman and is happy with what he has. He's a positive person who looks for the good in all situations. I think he would have adored anyone he chose to spend his life with. I think he just appreciates the simple side of life. He's had my back since day one and we have been together over 15 years now. I think I'm very lucky and I appreciate him every day.

I read somewhere that in any relationship one person is adored and the other is the adorer. It can change over time from person to person within a relationship. Generally, if I’m the ‘adored’ I don’t do well in those relationships!

I'm pretty lucky in my relationship in that we adore each other. Think it's predominantly down to treating each other how you'd like to be treated, equal partnership and parenting of the kids, making sure the other has some personal time, lots of hugs and laughter. Monthly date nights even in lockdown and a good TV series

Sorry, I don’t do well if I’m the adorer.

@FatCatThinCat same! We are both autistic and have the same unique outlook on life and share a weird sense of humour. We are constantly giggling over the silliest of things. We are both basically kind and gentle people who have found our soul mate after years of never quite fitting with the rest of the world. We see, accept and love each other all the more for our ‘weirdness’

I ask myself this question all the time, he treats me like a queen yet I can’t stand myself and feel so ugly all the time, I’m also quite a distant person and I like my space yet everyone clings to me and I don’t understand why. I don’t see the appeal but I do feel very lucky to have him.

We both adore each other. The secret is really simple, just doing nice things for each other. Bearing the other one in mind with whatever we do/say/buy etc

He’ll turn up with flowers out of the blue, bring cakes, give me a loooong foot rub or a shoulder massage if I’ve had a busy day (and bought me a foot massager to do it when he’s not here!). I will make his favourite thing to eat. If he says “ooh I really fancy scones and jam,” 20 minutes later they’ll be there in front of him. Think that’s when he first fell for me tbh! We’re also both very giving in the bedroom, make time for smooching out of the bedroom and make sure to tell each other I love you or variations thereof every day.

Tonight he just looked deep into my eyes and told me I’m the light of his life, a little ray of sunshine in his days. Stuff like that.

Obviously we also drive each other mental, call each other twats sometimes and he can never close a cupboard or put his rubbish in the bin, but all that pales into insignificance when he kisses me long and hard and makes me melt.

I think the issues come when you stop being a team and start being combative. As soon as it’s him v me instead of us v the world, you’re onto a losing battle. We have our moments like that, but then set the record straight and remember why we’re so good together.

No one else would put up with him 😂😂
he knows he had a good thing with me
Im independent , my own money self sufficient not to demanding not boring will still do crazy shit and I’m good in bed 😂 or so I’ve been told . I’m also completely different from his ex wife in so many ways it’s like he did a complete 360

My friends all say how obvious it is that he loves me and we have a solid relationship

I am very lucky as he is my rock and I’m always surprised he puts up with me I wouldn’t put up with me 😂

Ours is mainly because we grew up in the same city and his friends used to think I was attractive and tell him how lucky he was etc and he’s never really got over that stage even though I’m a bit botoxed and grumpy these days.

What Puppylucky said. Plus I'm not a door mat.

Sorry that ended up more like why I adore him rather than him me!

I think he loves that I adore him though. I tell him he’s so handsome, listen to his work worries and show an interest in what he does, laugh at his very naughty jokes (and make my own) and generally make him feel irresistible. Frequent and excellent bjs are a plus. Sorry if tmi but it’s true, I’m sure that’s a big part of it!

I really don't know!

He tells me loves me all the time and is openly affectionate, he calls me his best friend. (I would say my girls are my best friends)

I am a stubborn pain in the arse, I give him shit, i tell him if he pisses me off straight away, I'm quite a strong feminist opinionated person, always have been. I don't wash his clothes, cook rarely, and he is so much more domesticated than me.

He likes it when I'm feisty and we often get in to political heated discussions often disagreeing, and then when we are finished he usually gets a bit turned on.

One thing I know is that it hasn't nothing to do with shaving your legs, or armpits, bush, or wearing loads of make up or push up bras. I used to do all that with my exes but I barely do any of that now, especially in lockdown and he still adores and fancies me.

Been married 14 years.