Will you ever just fuck off!

[MMfanalltheway]

That's what my father said to me a couple of hours ago. I questioned him comparing me to animals.
It was said coldly and in a sinister way. Will you ever just fuck off.
So I will. But I'm so upset.

@MMfanalltheway

You sound very hard work and whilst my dad would never use that language I can imagine why yours did!

That's like saying, I can see why your husband slapped you around a bit - you are annoying. Nice work.

no, it really really isn’t

@MMfanalltheway

You sound very hard work and whilst my dad would never use that language I can imagine why yours did!

That's like saying, I can see why your husband slapped you around a bit - you are annoying. Nice work.

If you can't see the difference between a man beating his wife and someone saying to you I wish you'd fuck off when you are rude and irritating, then you've got some serious issues.

You do sound juvenile and hard work and he sounds easily irritable. Not a good combo. I don’t see what he says as abusive but it all depends on context and you seem to be going out of your way to be offended by what he says.

"Funny how you all can see his point of view now that you know his job."

Or that we now know the context of the conversation, but keep telling yourself that.

If you can't see the difference between a man beating his wife and someone saying to you I wish you'd fuck off when you are rude and irritating, then you've got some serious issues.

And if you can't see how similar they are, then I suggest that I am not the one with issues. What makes you think that I was rude or irritating? I was ranting about Boris and coronavirus. Hardly something extraordinary. His advice? You should exercise more. I do!!!!!!! I can still have a rant!

@TitusPullo

Wow OP, just wow. You are a real nasty piece of work.

Really? I'm not the one insulting random strangers on the internet.

I actually can completely see where you're coming from. I don't thing you're hard work either, maybe a tad highly strung but I wonder if this is just the last straw.

I see that often on the relationships board. A fairly minute issue,that could be easily sorted or explained away. Except it's one of many.

So I'll give the same advice I normally do. He's not giving you what you want/need. He never will. He's not going to change. You need to accept that. You also need to decide if it's something you can live with, and stop waiting for it to happen and just keep the relationship superficial ,short and breezy. If you can't and it's hurting you then just call it a day. Either very low contact or no contact.

It sounds to me like you're almost asking for permission to cut contact, which is probably why you're so upset at some of the reply. Guess what? You own your own life. You're in control. You don't need "valid " reasons or approval of public opinion if you want to cut someone out or decrease contact.

Well I found it insulting for you to insist that domestic violence is the same as someone getting exasperated with someone and telling them to just fuck off. I can see from your responses on here why your attitude infuriated your father. Ironic you think he comes across as beyond reproach but you seem to have inherited his defensive streak somewhat.

OP, nobody here knows the ins and outs of hun and your father’s relationship. My dad has been emotionally abusive on occasion and I have gone NC in the past (were speaking again now) but one isolated incident of him telling me to fuck off during a disagreement wouldn’t necessarily be abusive in itself. I have said the same to people in arguing with. It depends on the context of your relationship.

However I think you’re being very oversensitive about the cattle comment and the doctor saying you had firm muscles - how do you expect medical professionals to talk about pregnancy except in a clinical manner? It is a clinical thing in as much as it involves bodily changes that require medical care to ensure it progresses safely and healthily. How would you rather they talked about it?

*you not hun

OP, I endured years of what I see as emotional abuse from my father. From a very young age I recall him not arriving for visits that were scheduled, sitting at the window waiting for him. I cut contact various times as a teenager. Im nearly 40 and the last contact I had with my father was in 2007 when he called me a cunt and shoved me in the face. Please do not subject yourself to further abuse. It doesn't get better, it does break your confidence and lead you to belive you're the problem. Its taken me years to build trust, realise I wasn't the problem and now when I think of my father I'm happy with my decision, I love him, I dont like him, don't wish him any harm, Ive forgiven him but I will never forget! I know that any relationship would be toxic. I shall forever remain NC. He has missed out on so much of my life!

OP, your father being a vet explains his suggestions to you re birthing. That is why it is relevant. Your reaction to him and (seemingly) to your GP is quite childish for someone of your age. His advice was clinical and correct and certainly not to be blamed for your issues with the birth.

Men (particularly fathers) like to problem solve and so having a rant at them will not result in the type of conversation you require.

His language was choice, but so is yours. My family would never use that kind of language, but it may be commonplace in yours, so I would take the comment in the context of what is the norm for your situation if I were you.

You sound abrasive and difficult and maybe the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree?

I agree with what he said, not him telling you to "f* off", but if you were going on at him he probably felt backed into a corner.

You seem quite annoyed in general (eg your short reply to previous poster's question: "read above" when it wasn't even answered above).

Are you quite pissed off in general?

Also your AIBU question just makes me want to say yes YABU.

@MMfanalltheway

Snippy? Where?

Yes, he irritates me because he knows it all. You can't just moan. He has to tell you how to resolve the issue or what he would do. Sometimes I don't want to be TOLD like I'm 2, what to do.

Well, easy answer , don't behave as if you are 2

GP also of the same generation, annoyed me similarly in the same pregnancy by telling me that baby was head down and my stomach muscles were good and firm, so baby wouldn't turn breach! I don't know why it annoys me, but doctors/father being so bloody clinical about things makes me feel like an object.

I don't get how this was the doctor treating you like an object? He was treating you like a patient. Which is his job.

Is he Irish?
IF SO
“Would you ever fuck off” is a common phrase to dish out to somebody who is annoying you. I am certain my Irish mammy has said this to me MANY TIMES before 😂

But it really depends on family dynamics

My mum to could say anything to me and I’d barely take offence

On the other hand my dads a bawbag and everything he does makes me feel victimised

...have you considered that the reason you brush up against each other and don’t get on is because you’re very similar? That might help you understand him a bit better, and vice versa. You both seem very set in opinions, enjoying giving facts to others and don’t like being questioned/criticised. Both quick to anger and lash out, sensitive to slights against yourself but able to lash out quite firmly at others.

None of this is meant as insulting, but some insight unit your interaction patterns might help. It’s also good to understand why you act the way you do, why he does and how you can move forward.

Certainly not normal behaviour from a dad twords his child. Maybe seek some therapy and cut him out of your life?

My parents are separated No wonder. He sounds insufferable and I wouldn't have stayed with a man like him either.

Send him a message telling him that you are waiting for him to apologise for telling you to fuck off, and that you want an assurance that he will never speak to you in that way again.

My father is over 80 and I am 50. We have always had a very difficult relationship. But he has difficulties with everyone. He currently has no friends except my mother.
He nit picks over everything and I have given up (I’m selling my house and have had to move back in) trying to wash up or dry up or do anything as it is ‘wrong’ and I get a 30 min lecture of how to wash a mug or something - so I do nothing. He is very unhappy person. He had huge issues with his own parents (didn’t speak to his father for 45 years) etc when I few low or stressed about him, why does he love me why isn’t he affectionate etc ? I remind myself he can’t he has chosen not to change and not to be different etc from his own parents, I am however with mine.
So understand this - it is not you. It is him. Be different with your own children and accept him for who he is - I say out loud ‘ I appreciate you had a shit childhood. I appreciate mine was better. And my children’s will be better still. I love you for you. But I can not change you only me’ I said it in the car on my own each day for weeks and weeks and the anger went. It was shit of him to stay and he needs to know he has hurt you - abuse is not acceptable. But understand you might not get an apology.

After reading all of OP's posts.. I'm team Dad.

@MMfanalltheway

This thread is kind of the way the conversation with my father went. I wanted to moan, he had to tell me what I was doing wrong. I told him where he was going wrong and then he tells me to fuck off.

Who is going to tell who to fuck off first on this thread?

If you wanted a moan, why post in AIBU when you’re clearly not willing to accept anyone disagreeing with you?

Sounds like you just don't get on.
I can't abide people moaning at me either, and being constantly negative.
You annoyed him, he was rude to you.
Do you want to keep a relationship with him?

Tbf @inchplant this is "Relationships" so there is no need for posters to go for the jugular.